The Quote List

Remember wayyy back in the day when people had web pages ... before they were called blogs? (I think it was last year, maybe.) My friend, Los, was the first person I knew to have his own web page ... how cool! He wrote stories, had guest writers, kept a list of alternate phrases for "#2", and then my favorite .... The Quote List.

The Quote List is a running list of slip-ups and funny lines said by his friends and family, and has grown to over 900 entries spanning 15 years!! For today's post, I've gotten Los' permission to spotlight a few gems from The Quote List. Enjoy, and a big "Ein Prosit" to Los for keeping track of all our blunders, foibles, and otherwise forgettables!! These are great ...

* Let's take the SC. That's shortcut for shortcut. - Schue

* It's twelve o'clot. - Me

* I'm a court gesture. - Los

* Did the bartender put on make-up or did she fall into a pie? - Los

* I have some kind of a weird wood force. - Christine

* "Hey where's the Hard Rock?" "On top of your head." Schue and I

* Spit n spin. - Christine

* "We are decorating our Christmas tree tonight with champagne and pizza." "Isn't that gonna smell?" - Schue and Brian

* I'll have the chilled gricken. - Schue

* I don't know whether to go to the concession stand or flag down a stewardess. - Schue, in the upper deck at a baseball game

* I'll have the OJ wis da pope. - Johnnay (BTW, pope = pulp)

* If you lose weight it'll make your teeth look big. -?

* I came at hello. - Schue

* "You'll be catapulted over there." "As long as I'm not dogapulted." Me and Los

* That girl is a looney tuna. - Mark

* His nostrils are so big he'd break his foot if a booger fell out of there. - Ray Ray

* Did that jacket come with that breast ... I mean dress? - Ange

* I like Big Balls. Wait, I don't like big balls, but I like the song. -- Los

..... So do you have any good one-liners or slip ups to share???

Interplanet Bubbles, She's a Galaxy Girl

The Philly news radio station that I listen to 2-3-4 times a day has been talking a little bit in the morning about Venus and Jupiter being in some kind of alignment with something. I'm not sure what ... the Earth, sun, moon, each other? I mean, what else would be big enough to cause a newsworthy alignment? Rosie O'Donnell's head?

Anyway, the morning news keeps telling me this week I'm supposed to be able to see a yellow-ish colored planet, sans telescope, around 7am in the southeastern sky. Now, I certainly have no aspirations of becoming an amateur astronomer -- maybe a gastronomer, but certainly not an astronomer -- however, I happened to be in the car at that time, and with a perfect view of the southeast I figured I'd take a look. I searched and searched but could not find anything remotely orb-like. I even pulled into a parking lot and looked more carefully in case I was missing something.

I'm a sucker, aren't I? There's no planetary thing going on, is there? I bet this is proof that I should attempt NO activity at all before I've completely finished two cups of coffee.

I'm not sure why I decided to share this because it's really not all that interesting. My other thought was to write about the dream I had last night. I have a work retreat to go to next week, but in my dream I messed up the date and showed up a week early. Instead of going home, I decided to camp in my office parking lot to wait for the retreat to begin. Davey Dogs was with me, and we slept in my parents' old 1971 Buick Station wagon -- poop brown, complete with panelling on the side, and 4 rows of seats. People that I work with were walking through the parking lot to go into work as we slept in this ginormous station wagon, curled up with our pillows and blankets. We "stored" our suitcases outside the car, lining our parking space like the samonsite version of a white picket fence. The whole thing looked like a make-shift trailer park ... but with a station wagon. Then I woke up. Very very weird.

By the way, does anybody recognize the inspiration for the title of this post?

Queen of Everything

I'm hijacking an idea from fellow blogger, The Baronness, who wrote a witty post a few days ago listing some things she'd do if she ruled the world. She got me to thinking, and lots of things jumped to mind. Baronness, I hope you don't mind me borrowing your idea.

So if Barbra Peapod were promoted Queen of Everything, in charge of the world and universe, here are few things that would happen immediately:

1.) I would make the standard workweek 3 days long and the weekend would be 4 days. Not sure who invented the current system, but it sucks. Salaries would not be affected.

2.) The European tradition of "siesta" would be brought to our great melting pot of a country -- why did everything but that seem to melt in? I don't actually like napping or sleeping because I feel like I'm missing something, but the idea of lounging and rejuvenating during the mid-afternoon hours sounds like a wonderful idea to me.

3.) My friend Mira would have lifetime subscriptions to every make-up and beauty magazine she desired. It is true that no one in the world could possibly love make-up more than Mira!!

4.) I would make it illegal for myself to drive in the snow, ice, or night-time rain. I could be arrested, jail or tarred and feathered if caught driving in bad weather, so I'd absolutely have to stay home.

5.) All animals would be forbidden to touch me. They would know this and stay away. This includes mosquitos, all bugs, dogs, cats, flies, anything swimming near my feet or body, and some toddlers. Just kidding, I like kids just fine. But I'm allergic to animals and scared to death of bugs, especially the ones that fly and bite. I do actually pet animals, but it would be a law of the universe that only I could initiate contact.

6.) Radio sing-a-longs would be encouraged (maybe even mandatory), but no singing louder than the radio. However, it would be okay to keep turning it up if you wanted to sing louder. There would be no such thing as noise violations or angry neighbors who hate singing and fun. They would all be tortured in a small chamber and subjected to 24-hour tapes of my friends and I singing.

7.) It would be okay to punch people in the face who try to get on an elevator without first letting everyone exit.

8.) The Supreme Barbra Peapod would abolish the dress code at work. Personally, I think the people who make fools out of themselves by wearing goofy shit make the world more interesting. Hoochie top? Not a problem. Mesh t-shirt? Good for you. Tight jeans? Shake ya moneymaker! Prom dress? What-ev. Green hair? As long as it's not contagious. See how much fun that could be?! If I ruled the world and showed up one day to conquer the world of government-funded health insurance in a sparkly cocktail dress with a snazzy up-do, no one would think I was weird. In fact, I would set trends. The focus would be changed to nabbing people who think it's okay to pee on the toilet seat.

9.) TV commericals would be optional. Political advertising would have it's own channel for people who like that sort of thing. It would be banned from all other channels.

10.) I'd have a private jet to take me anywhere I wanted on a whim. It might even be invisible, like Wonder Woman's jet .... so I could surprise people. I may even show up wearing my Wonder Woman wig (yes, I have one). In fact, add to #8 ... wearing wigs would be normal.

Phoam-omenon

Disclaimer: If your not in the mood for something completely trivial, proceed with caution.
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So, I’m perplexed -- why are soap squirters that give you a handful of foam the latest rage?

The first one I noticed was “Dawn Direct Foam.” OK, no big deal. Then more brands started cropping up – before long they’ll take over the dish liquid section in the grocery store. Not only are there pre-foamed dish soaps, but they’ve expanded into hand and body versions too. Notice this: they’re all quite a bit pricier than the old fashioned kind. Yesterday I was looking through a catalog selling a “must-have” gadget that will convert your regular ole liquid soap into foam when you squirt. I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with having a household devoid of foamy soaps? Is it de classe? Unsanitarre'? Too yesterday?

I can’t make logical sense of the foam hype. It seems to me that it’s a way of delivering a smaller amount of product for more money. Foam is less concentrated than liquid, and the containers are the same size, if not smaller -- right? How can this be better for the consumer? It doesn’t seem to work better or feel better. I’ve washed my hands with a pre-foamed soap, and I don’t feel like there’s anything there. If I didn’t think people would look at me funny, I’d use a handful of foam as big as a softball just to wash my hands. And why does it cost more to poof some air into your soap so it squirts out as foam? Besides, soap turns into foam once you start swishing it around anyway – isn’t that good enough?

Perhaps I spent too many years of my life as a beer drinker, where the object is to NOT get foam. Foam is bad. In the world of beer, foam should never be anything more than a one-inch head in a frosty mug. Never would you pay extra for foam, or attach a gadget that converts your brew into a beer-meringue.

I don’t know, the whole thing seems pointless to me. Enlighten me, please, if you can …..

Screw the Oscars .... I Have My Own Award!!!

While perusing the comments for yesterday's post, I found a little present from a fellow blogger - Scarlett. Yesterday she gave out "awards" to 10 bloggers she enjoys visiting ... and I, me, Barbra Peapod Disco Bubbles, was one of them. Yayyyyyy!!! Simple pleasures. I love reading her blog -- always funny, creative, a little twisted, sometimes sweet ... I always laugh while reading.

Anyway, I'd love to pass along the award to 10 bloggers I enjoy visiting, after all it would only be right to share some of the joys of my daily blogging rounds. Unfortunately, I don't think I know of ten -- I'm kinda new at this. (The ones I visit are off to the side .. go check 'em out!) So instead of doing that right now, I'll say thanks with a little poem in lieu of an acceptance speech. Here goes ....

There once was a girl named Scarlett
Who's a major blogging starlet
She gave me an award
Cuz shrimps ain't a word
Visit I'm No Belle to read about nipples and fartlettes.

(P.S. - Fartlettes would be girl farts ... if girls farted. They don't smell or make noise. If they did smell, if would be like flowers. If they made noise, it would sound like sweet music ... maybe a Madonna song. But they wouldn't sound like a dog barking underwater. Or smell like burning rubber. Nope.)

Wednesday Blabber

A few random thoughts running through my head:

1.) I have a dishwasher but don't use it ... except to store my punch bowl. For some weird reason, I like doing the dishes by hand. Am considering getting rid of the dishwasher and replacing with a wine fridge.

2.) The most tragic thing about Heath Ledger's untimely death is that he leaves behind a young daughter. This seems to be overshadowed in the headlines by the Oscar nod he received for his appearance in Brokeback Mountain.

3.) American Idol just isn't exciting anymore. This proves too much of a good thing is still too much.

4.) Davey Dogs is trying to gas me out. I made some chili, which he took for lunch, and it's coming back with a vengeance. He sounds like the "76 Trombones" from The Music Man, all rolled into one.

5.) I can't believe we knew for 4 years we'd have to elect a President and out of the ~300M people in this country, this is the best crop of candidates we could find. I'm an undecided voter and need to get some unbiased info .... lots of luck finding that!

6.) I'm gonna let my cleaning lady go. I've hired and fired people numerous times throughout my career, but this is definitely the hardest.

7.) Why is the Superbowl on a Sunday night? I think the people who schedule football have no idea what it's like to work a Mon-Fri job. I guess they're the same ones who think it's a good idea to have games at 9pm on a Monday night.

8.) I can "S-whistle." That's when you pronounce the letter "S" with a whistle instead. Try it, it's fun!!

9.) I haven't caught or seen any meeses since last Thursday. Davey Dogs' farts have probably killed them all.

10.) The dumbest thing I ever did in my life was climbing out the window of a moving car while it was on the highway. For at least a mile, I clung to the luggage rack in my skirt with my big 80s hair blowing into a giant rat's nest. My friend John and I did this to "hide" from the driver. Dumb dumb dumb.

11.) My friend Kelly and I sealed the deal on our friendship after a night out in Philly (before I moved from Maryland, I think). Getting out of a cab, I started singing "I've got a hole in my hose that goes all the way to China." (To the tune of Cyndi Lauper's song with the same words ... except I subsituted "hose" for "heart.") We laughed like crazy and have been friends ever since!

12.) That's it for now. Davey Dogs tells me my posts are too long, so I'll spare everyone the torture of a mid-week novel. Tell me something random running through your head today ...

The Adventures of Cart Bandit

Yesterday on my day off I decided to do a little bit of shopping. The sales this time of year are pretty good, and while I wasn't really in the mood for a big extravaganza at the mall, a trip to Target and some other nearby places wouldn't be too bad.

Unlike the Walmart in South Philly, the Target is a pretty respectable place. I won't get within a half mile of the Walmart. Forget for a minute that the store is a mess and nothing is in boxes or where it's supposed to be, but it's filled with people who shout, beat their kids, steal your cart, and workers who have all the charm of a tank of pirrhanas. So ... I go to Target. The store is neat, the aisles are big, there are enough registers open, and I can generally leave with my blood pressure still intact.

I went into the store planning to shop the sale racks, so I was in no hurry. I picked up some skirt hangers, tape, a turkey baster, a sweatshirt for Dave, and continued to meander. I was looking through the PJs when something caught my eye -- 3 girls emptying my cart, throwing my stuff wherever it landed. They had just dumped the last item and were taking off. I couldn't believe what I was seeing .... and they looked right at me as they ran off with my cart!!

After a few seconds of shock, I quickly moved on to contemplating my next move. Chase after them and say something? Quietly get another cart and reclaim my stuff? Some type of revenge? With it being MLK Day and me being the big dork I am, I even thought "What would Martin Luther King do?" I'm guessing he wouldn't make a big stink in the store, and he probably would've done something very mature. Actually, I don't know what Martin Luther King would do, but I opted for revenge.

My plot for revenge came after a deja vu moment. A few years ago, I was going to a Target at Christmas-time and the parking lot was completely full. Not just the spaces in the front .... ALL of the spaces. I found someone walking to their car, stalked their spot and waited patiently. Just as the person pulled out of the spot, someone came out of nowhere and pulled in. I was completely furious. Space Thief got the horn, a string of expletives, and then all the middle fingers I had. After I finally found a spot, I went into the store and looked for the item I came for -- they were out of it. So, I was doubly pissed -- all that aggravation and I didn't even get what I'd come for. So as me and my bad Italian temper made our way towards the door, I saw her. Space Thief ... with a full cart ... and she didn't see me. I waited until she was away from her cart, then I took off with it. I scurried through the store and hid it somewhere she'd never find it ... automotive, I think. I know it was immature, but something snapped and I just couldn't let her get away with her behavior in the parking lot. I was walking around pissed off, empty-handed and needing a taxi to get to my spot -- I'd had enough. I guess I missed the day in school where they taught "two wrongs don't make a right."

So yesterday in Target, the memory of Space Thief came flooding back into my head. The problem with my revenge the last time was that Space Thief probably had no idea why her cart disappeared. This time, the concept of "consequence" would hopefully be much clearer. I swear, something must be wrong with me. I actually followed these girls around the store .... lurking in the boys department, then linens, camping gear, Barbie ....until the moment was ripe. When they weren't looking, Cart Bandit struck again. I grabbed their cart and took off with it. I unloaded their stuff and put the cart back at the front of the store. There was no way they were gonna find it full and sitting somewhere, not even in automotive.

I know it's immature, wrong and stupid but those girls really made me mad. I hope I taught them a lesson and next time they are too lazy to get their own cart maybe they'll think twice.

The thing is, I believe in consequences. Without them, how does bad behavior change and how does good behavior get reinforced? Who was the guy on TV, Gomer Pyle maybe?, that always ran around yelling "citizen's arrayest ... citizen's arrest!" .... well that would probably be me if such a thing existed. Sure, I'd probably be shot within hours (or laughed off the planet) if I pulled a Gomer Pyle, but I'm not a person who's wired to stand around feeling like a helpless victim -- even if it was just a shopping cart full of stuff I didn't even own yet. People who think they can take whatever they want from anyone really make me angry. Um, hello ... didn't they learn The Golden Rule? In it's most extreme form, I guess what I did could be considered "vigilante justice" -- not something I generally support. But I do support standing up for myself and not letting a group of girls take my stuff while looking me in the eye. Cart Bandit will not be intimidated by people like that!!

The Mystery of MLK

As the country celebrates Martin Luther King day today, I am reminiscent of my own personal brush with him....

Before I bought my house here in South Philadelphia, I spent 6 months living in an apartment that I referred to, with much disdain, as "the dump." It was an awful place ... more awful than just about any place I could imagine. I ended up there because my previous landlord decided to convert my apartment building into a single-family home for himself and his lady-friend. It was a beautiful building, and my apartment was simply perfect. A bi-level apartment with fireplace, hardwoods, large rooms, a deck, 2 bedrooms, great neighborhood, and the list goes on and on. When I found out I'd have to move, I made the decision to buy a house and give up apartment living. Unfortunately, after months of searching I had found nothing and was on the brink of homelessness. I had to pick something fast, so I took an apartment with a month to month lease ... ala, the dump.

The dump was in a nice neighborhood, but the building left a lot to be desired. The front door and hallways were so small I couldn't get my couch in the building and had to make an on-the-spot decision to put it in storage. The dump consisted of 2 rooms -- a bedroom and a living room, kitchen was included in the living room. My stuff was packed in boxes that filled the entire apartment from floor to ceiling. There was a tiny walkway about 2 feet wide through the length of the apartment, and no place to sit except for my bed or the computer chair. I never unpacked any of my boxes except for the bare essentials -- clothes, make-up/hair stuff, computer. I never once cooked anything in that kitchen, which if you know me is a miracle. I used my microwave and paper plates -- that's it. The place was on the second floor in the middle of the building and had one window. Absolutely horrible. If it weren't for my friend Schue I think I would've ended up in the looney bin for sure.

This place motivated me to make a job out of searching for a house, and Schue went with me on most of my appointments. She was having a roommate crisis of her own, which fate had timed perfectly with my own crisis. We spent nearly all spare time either looking for houses, shopping, going out to dinner, out on the town ... any excuse to avoid our respective homes. At that point in each of our lives, "home" was a place to sleep, but definitely not a home.

Finally, after 3 months in the dump and fruitless searches with a dingbat of a real estate agent, I decided a change was needed. My new agent, Joe, had a game plan: take me out, show me a few things to get an idea of what I liked, then take it from there. Made sense. And he was quite handsome. We walked into the first place, and before I could even get to the second floor I had my checkbook out ready to make my downpayment. By the time I got to the third floor, I was planning where to put my furniture. Three months later I moved into that house and am still here.

What does all this have to do with Martin Luther King, you ask? Well when I was unpacking my boxes that had been sitting in The Dump untouched for the last 6 months, I got to a box of summer shoes that had never been unpacked. I unloaded the shoes and then noticed a giant frame remaining inside. I didn't remember owning any such frame or packing it away, so I pulled it out and took a look. It was a framed poster of Dr. Martin Luther King. Who had put this in my moving box? I racked my brains, retracing every part of my last two moves -- from my beautiful apartment to the dump to my new house. I couldn't think of who would've had an opportunity to slip a little present into my moving box. I told all of my friends, hoping someone would come clean. I mean, hey, if I played a little joke like that on someone I'd certainly want to take credit for it.

To this day, I have no idea how that picture got into my moving box. It's now residing in my basement aside a picture of another king (... Elvis). The mystery picture comes to visit my dining room table every MLK day for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. (I won't recount how that tradition started, but check out Schue's blog for the story.)

So that's my brush with MLK. Still an unsolved mystery.

Waging War

Ahh, it's so good to be home! Even if I did arrive nearly 4 hours after my scheduled landing. It could've been worse, I could've woken up still in my hotel room in Kentucky. Big weather delays all over the place, but overall it wasn't too bad -- it just gave me more time to read my book.

Anyway, when I finally got home last night and got myself settled into a pair of sweatpants in front of the TV, I looked up and noticed a blob on my kitchen floor. Huh? Then it moved. WTF*&^&%?!!!!! Yep, it was a mouse! It was much too late to call an exterminator or go anywhere for traps, so all I could do was wish him away. Um, didn't work. He was pretty bold, in fact he acted like he owned the place.

Dave suggested I hit him with a broom and smother him. I really really don't want to get that close to him or have to be that directly involved in his demise. I also have my doubts that he'll let me walk up to him and hit him over the head with a broom. If I got that lucky, would he lay under the broom long enough to die? I don't know ... don't think I'm gonna try to find out. This notion of clobbering the mouse with something must be a guy thing -- my friend Schue told me this morning that her hubby, Los, thought about hitting their mouse with a hammer. I guess if you're looking for results that would do it, but ew! the mess!!!

So my mousercism will commence by setting the "No Touch No View" trap from Home Depot. I hope Davey Dogs is willing to check the trap because once I put it on the floor, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at it again.

Plan B is an exterminator.

I don't think there's a whole colony of them, hopefully just one. I checked the entire kitchen for meese doodies and didn't find anything .... please please please let him just be on the floor and not have found his way anywhere else.

UGH! This is so gross. This house is just not big enough for both of us, so someone is gonna have to go. Here's a clue little bastard, it's not gonna be me!

So does anyone have any secret tricks up their sleeve? Particularly ones that don't involve seeing or touching anything?

Wish me luck!!

My Old Kentucky Temporary Home

As Willie Nelson once sang, I'm "On the Road Again!" Yep, here I sit in my Louisville, Kentucky hotel room. It's bitter cold outside so I won't be going anywhere this evening -- not that I have anywhere to go anyway. I was rummaging through my daily round of blogs when I realized that I haven't written anything in almost a week. I guess all that pissed-offedness about this steroid stuff just left me speechless. Alas, speechlessness won't last long ... with me, it never does.

The flight down here was pretty uneventful (that's a good thing), and I had the rare flight attendant who must be an aspiring comedienne. Usually you get the regular ole flying waitress who says the scripted stuff then never says another word until they ask what you want to drink. The comedians are not quite as common, but once in a while you find one who makes a valiant effort to ad lib the script and hopefully make everyone on the plane laugh. I have to admire the attempt to make a joke out of "If the cabin pressure drops, an oxygen mask will be released from the overhead compartment .... blah blah blah." I don't know how they do it, but it usually works. Amazing since there's so very little that's laughable about sitting on a plane, strapped into a seat, waiting to take off, while listening to someone tell you what to do in the event of a crash. Comic relief is pretty powerful and most people laugh -- even me. Hell, anything could probably make me laugh at that point, maybe even Robin Williams. Nah, I take that back .. probably not .... not unless he was dressed like Mork. Anyway, at first I was a little annoyed by the joke telling while I was trying to read my book, but then I just stopped and listened. Even though she wasn't too funny, I had to give her some props for trying to make things better for us. The least I could do was indulge her effort by listening for a few minutes ... and so I did.

It's ashame there aren't more people working in service industries who act like they enjoy their job and their customers. Yeah, they're out there but they are clearly in the minority. Most are not necessarily rude, but they act robotic and completely indifferent to customer satisfaction. It's an attitude of, "I don't care whether I knock your socks off or not, as long as I get paid." Wow, nice attitude.

Tonight when I was walking into hotel, the bellman greeted me as he opened the door: "Hello Miz L., welcome back. Have a good night." Ahhhhh .... simple, yet nice. Had he said something like "I hate this job in the winter ... cold weather sucks", I probably would have been thinking "Stop bitching and open the door for me."

Then I ordered room service. The same guy has been delivering the room service dinners since I started coming here almost 8 years ago. Maybe he doesn't remember that I've been coming here that long .... maybe he doesn't remember seeing me for any of the 9 nights I've stayed in this hotel out of the last 30 days .... maybe he doesn't remember bringing me dinner in this same room last night. There is not one single glimmer of recognition on this man's face. You know, if I were him I'd be embarrassed. Tonight and from now on he only gets the gratuity the hotel adds to the check -- if he can't remember me, I can't remember to tip extra. In fact, I'll save it for the bellman! So there!!!

As I continue to sit here in my Louisville, Kentucky hotel room I'm reminded of yet another song -- this time, a little diddy from Meatloaf: "Two Outta Three Ain't Bad."

On that note (haha), I think I've come full circle -- I began with a song and am ending with a song. Hope this finds you warm and well. Am very much looking forward to coming home later this week!

Fired Up

My friend Los has been blogging a bit about some sports stuff lately, namely the big report about steriod use that is saturating the air waves. I commented on one of his recent posts, but as I sit here watching the nightly news I realize my frustration is at a rolling boil, and I wanna get this out of my system before I start head-butting my TV. The reporter on TV right now is talking about these steroid hearings ... again.

This is the bug up my arse (and I'm gonna capitalize it because that's how much it pisses me off):

WHY THE F&^% IS CONGRESS WORRYING ABOUT A BUNCH OF GUYS WHO POPPED STEROIDS 20 YEARS AGO? Even if it was only 20 minutes ago, why is this a concern of our Legislators? Why are there hearings? Who cares if they took the pills or not? And who cares if they lie about it?

Yeah yeah yeah .... bad role models, unhealthy, cheating, kids might do it, whatever. Who is running our Congress ... Inside Edition? Do they prioritize on the FIFO (first in, first out) method, or do they just talk about whatever they think is most fun to talk about? I can't figure out why this has made the top of the hit parade, but I think some re-prioritization is desparately needed. If there were nothing else happening around the country these days, then maybe this would be worthy of some time and ink. However ......

What about the ~50 million people with no health insurance? What about the people who are losing their homes because of soaring interest rates and mortgage companies that are barely afloat? What about the men and women in our military -- is Congress working to help them achieve whatever the goal is so they can come home? What about the fact that there are people raping our Welfare system while the rest of us are working our asses off to support them? What about all of the baby boomers who are going to retire over the course of the next 5-10 years and drain the money out of Social Security? What will these Congress-people tell everyone who retires after them when there's no money for social security and no savings (because everybody needed it to make their mortgage and gas bill payments) -- um, we thought a big fat baseball player's steroid problem 20 years ago was more important than the future of everyone else in our country? We wanted to talk about your health, home, education, safety and future .... but we didn't get to it because we were busy holding Barry Bonds accountable.

Who the hell are these clowns? If I were as bad at my job, I'd be fired ... and rightly so. I'm telling you, it makes me so mad every time I hear about the Congressional Steroid hearings, I wanna march my disco bubbles right up to Capitol Hill and give them a piece of my mind. Remember my dumb post about the movie Dave? Well, I still think it's true. The Hollywood writers who wrote that movie and can't get fully compensated for their work are a helluva lot smarter than the Legislators making decisions about our country and our future. If I thought I could take all the ass-kissing and boring clothing in Washington, I'd vote for myself in the next congressional election.

In the Rearview Mirror

I've been doing a little reflecting on 2007 while I was off work over the last 2 weeks, so I figured I'd share some of my memories before we get too far into 2008 -- or I forget them. If you're looking for a recap of TMZ or E! you are most certainly in the wrong spot. After all, this is all about me ... and those close to me, of course! So here goes .....

I took 2 trips to Vegas -- one with Davey Dogs in January, and another with Doreen & Linda for Doreen's big birthday. I locked people out of the hotel rooms unintentionally on both trips. I hope they won't hold it against me! (Sorry Linda and sorry Toot!) I also hope they don't seek revenge ... that would suck.

Spent a week at the shore with my sister in July. We did a bunch of stuff like laying on the beach, seeing bad lounge singers, played bingo for the first time ever, played quizzo, drank a Super Tullynut, walked the boardwalk lots of times and watched a lifeguard competition ... just to name a few things. Definitely a good week. I'm looking forward to our upcoming weekend in NYC to see Spamalot on Broadway.

On a sad note, a black cloud hung overhead for the latter half of the year. Several people died whom I either knew or were family members of my friends/co-workers. The fall and winter were particularly sad. Please say prayers and be a supportive friend to the families and loved ones of: John D., Chet K., son of Vivia J, Dr. Bill, Vivian J., Maurice R. , Eunice H., Duke K., JoAnn D., Tom F's father, Mike C's father, and the father of Pam N. Despite the tragedy, sickness, suddenness, or whatever the circumstances the one thing to come out of this for me is a renewed appreciation for time, relationships and opportunity. (I feel like I'm forgetting someone .... my apologies if I am.)

Here's one that I choose to look at with my "glass half full" spectacles -- my mother was fortunate enough to find her breast cancer before it spread anywhere. Yeah, it sucks she had it to begin with, but all things considered it could have been a lot worse. Many of my friends have continued to ask about her, and I appreciate all of your well wishes and support. She's a tough cookie and is doing very very well!

OK, something positive ...... I joined the Board of a local adult literacy organization. It was time I started doing something charitable with my time and money, and this group definitely needs the help.

I graduated from the Leadership Philadelphia program. I met a lot of great people and got to see some cool things in the city ... a performance by the dance and vocal students at CAPA, a tour of The Linc (home of our sucky football team), a tour of the Art Museum, a tour of the Phila Police Academy with demos by the K9 unit and bomb squads, oodles of great speakers, an evening concert at the Mann (yes, I took Davey Dogs to the orchestra!), etc. Good stuff ... I'm very lucky to have been sponsored for a spot.

I traveled to Kentucky 10 times, mostly for business, but once for pleasure. I took Davey Dogs with me, and apparently we brought torrential downpours with us ... it hadn't rained in over a month until we got there. It rained about 5 inches in 24 hours. I'm gonna start charging for my rain dances!

Davey Dogs and I made it through another year together. He's an old, gentle soul and I love him dearly. He may say funny words like tollamazoo and dungarees, he may call an air mattress a balloon, but he's all mine and I wouldn't trade him for anyone. Ahhhhh, it's good to be in love!!

My friend Kat moved to Ohio. It was a sad day that she, Kate, Maggie and I packed up the U-Haul (including explaining to the cops why we were loading a motorcycle into the truck under I-95). I miss her and her creative spirit.

Team Caca, the fantasy football team that Schue91 and I own, made the playoffs for the 3rd year in a row ... and finished second. I guess Caca does mean #2 (yes, that's a doo doo reference), so we shouldn't be too surprised. Some of the winnings will be spent doing a little fine dining at the top of the Bellevue .... a fabulous treat.

In the fall, I held a "Breakfast at Tiffany's" tea party and invited my Reedie girls. We all dressed like Miz Holly Golightly in our diamonds, pearls, and tiaras and had a good ole time! Not sure how I'll top that one, but I'll damn sure try in 2008. (Credit goes to Linda for the fabu idea -- now you've gotta come up with another one!)

Another Christmas party goes into the books as a success. Yeah the food was good (you know I take pride in my hors doovers), but the company was even better. I am possibly the luckiest person in the world to have so many people I can call close friends. Many of them have been in my life for years and years ... some not quite as long. Regardless, I love you all and thanks for coming to my party. For those who couldn't make it this time, no biggie ... will hope to see you next year!

Overall 2007 was a year mixed with lots of highs and lows. I've never been a particularly sad or depressed person, and it wasn't a disastrous year for me, but it certainly wasn't one I'd call "fun" or care to repeat either. Fun isn't a requirement though .... life rolls on in spite of lots of things that have nothing to do with fun. As I get older I realize more and more how much the people around me mean to me. It's so easy to name at least one special, unique thing that I love about each of my friends. Hmmmm ... maybe a future post.

Ok, before I start humming a round of kumbaya I think I better post this bad boy and get to bed.

I hope everyone has a happy and healthy 2008!

(By the way, if I forgot something please drop me a comment so I don't forget!)

Check it out

Hey folks, my friend Kelly has just started a new blog. It looks like she's planning to feature some of her ace photography skillls. Check it out at Shooting Glen Mills.

Congrats Gee, and welcome to the world of blogging!

My Crystal Ball Says .....

I'm gonna borrow Los' idea and do a post on some predictions for 2008. I always thought that anybody could set up a card table and charge $5 for a fairly decent psychic reading, but I'll stop short of that and just try my hand at a few annual predictions.

1.) By the end of 2008 I'll have a new job. I don't know where (maybe a different position in the same company), but change is most certainly in the air.

2.) The Phillies will be in the World Series. I'm not picking up a win or loss vibe just yet, but I think they're gonna take us for a great ride this year.

3.) Baby boom will continue. I'm gonna go on a limb and say that little Fuzz and Shue will both have buns in the oven before end of 2008.

4.) The Foxwoods casino planned for the corner of Delaware & Reed will be relocated somewhere else in the city. (I hope that's not just wishful thinking!)

5.) As of today, the person who will get elected President of the USA is not a front-runner for either political party. (So it won't be Hillary, Barack, Mitt, Huckabee, or Edwards) Why in the world would anyone want that job anyway??? Cuckoo!!!

6.) Rachel Ray will continue to invent annoying childish words such as sammies and EVOO. The network that airs her talk show will realize she's horrible and cancel her talk show. From my fingertips to God's ears ..... please!!!!!!!!

7.) Paris Hilton will get pregnant and engaged. Jury's still out on whether there will be an associated sex tape.

8.) One of my Dad's books will get picked up by a publisher. He's written 3 so far, and #4 is in progress.

Next up ...... 2007 year in review, and maybe some things I'm looking forward to in 2008.