I don't suck at small talk with everybody, just most people. Friends and family who know what a weirdo I am are not a problem. It's the remainder of folks (work people, new acquaintances, etc) who are problematic and trigger my usual tongue-tied, boring responses. Frankly, I'm not sure why I'm so bad a mingling because I'm a pretty sociable person -- I guess it's just a skill I never really perfected. Time to turn the tide on that one! Although, I do have to be careful because when I deviate from my standard boring responses, I generally wind up with at least one of my feet in my mouth. This holiday party season, I'm determined to be prepared. I will wow people with my brilliant conversation skills! Somewhere between telling the mundane truth and fabricating a wildly interesting story, I will find the perfect words to stun whomever is within earshot.
Here are some alternatives I'm contemplating instead of my usual ho-hum response:
- I got called out of the audience at the Hans Klok show in Vegas and he made Pam Anderson disappear so I could appear in her place.
- I got abducted by aliens to help mow crop circles in a cornfield somewhere in South Jersey. They returned me unharmed.
- I once took belly dancing lessons and am now thinking of going for ballroom. Wanna see "snake hips" or "scoop the pudding"?
- While the news was doing a story on visits with Santa, I was captured on film in the background doing an Eagles chant.
- Nothing. I could just burst into song instead. Whatever song comes to mind will do.
See what I mean? I'm not very good at this. Maybe I should hang a piece of lettuce from my lip to throw people off. Instead of asking what's been going on with me, people will just tell me I've got stuff hanging from my face. Yeah yeah, that's what I'll do!!
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3 comments:
I think you were on to something with the lettuce thing, but instead maybe have it stuck in your teeth, that way you'll just make everyone ascetically uncomfortable because they won't think you are aware of it and won't know what to do, so they will just walk away.
Yeah, I vote for lettuce.
Or, you could excuse yourself from the conversation by saying that you need to find your drink before someone puts a roofie in it. That always works for me...leaves the people confused yet impressed with my social safety. Don't say it at a family reunion though...that is just creepy.
Perhaps you should reply to them via interpretive dance. You could throw some of them belly dancing moves in.
I know I would love to see it.
I always used the tired and true response to "What's New:" - "New York, New Jersey, New England, New Hampshire ..." Boy, that really gets the crowd going ...
What you should do when somebody asks you what's up is say, "Friday!" ... even if it isn't Friday .... probably especially if it isn't Friday.
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