Trashpicker

Apparently, the theme of the day today is trash ... and it's not even trash day.

So I took Davey Dogs to work this morning, and on the way there we scoured the sidewalks to see how many people had already put their Christmas tree on the curb for trash pick-up. It's surprising to see how many people in South Philly get rid of their tree by 6:30am the day after Christmas! One of my neighbors is an offender.

After I dropped the Dawgs off at work I had to stop at Shop Rite on the way home to pick up trash bags. Not sure how I ran out of them -- if you know me, you know I'm a stocker. My house is like a bunker, not because I think some disaster is imminent, but because I can't stand running out of things. So at 6:45 this morning I pulled up in front of Shop Rite, grabbed my wallet and an empty can of soda to throw away, and went into the store. I was looking lovely, by the way ...... grey sweat pants, purple pajama top, red coat, white socks with slip-ons, and a purple ski hat with dangly things and ear flaps. I knew I'd be the only person in the store (and I was right), so I didn't care.

I wandered through the store and picked up my trash bags, then looked in my hand and realized I was carrying an empty soda can ... no wallet. Horror flashed over me! I had inadvertently thrown my wallet in the garbage can on my way into the store instead of my empty soda can!!

I backtracked through the store, trying to exit through the entrance doors. Despite head-butting and pounding they wouldn't open. The guy who keeps the carts organized showed up to open the doors from the other side, just in time to prevent me from having a meltdown. I guess I looked like a desparate lunatic. Once I had finally escaped the store I blabbed a stream of jibberish to Cart Guy: "thanks .... wallet ... trash ... soda .... help!" and then picked the lid off the giant trash can and dove in head first. I was on a serious mission to trashpick my wallet from the depths of that massive trash can. Cart Guy stood watching in disbelief. I looked like a trashpicker, and I was one.

Luckily, the wallet was recovered with no garbage goop on it. After all, I was the first person in the store and there was a fresh bag. An hour later, and this would have been a completely different story. A little guardian angel was looking out for me and my Louis this morning. I chucked the empty soda can, then went back in to complete my purchase.

Now I'm back at home gearing up to do some cleaning. Am planning to throw a bunch of junk away. The trash theme continues.

By the way, if you happened to be at Shop Rite before 7am this morning and saw a trash can with 2 sweatpants-clad legs sticking out of it .... I'll deny forever more that it was me.