Thursday, May 29, 2008

Crack Addiction

I admit it - I'm a crack addict.

Not crack as in the drug. And I'm not addicted to butt cracks either. (Although I do enjoy toilet jokes ... thanks Los for feeding this addition!)

No ..... I'm addicted to cracking myself.

Not "up", as in cracking myself up with laughter (although I can be quite funny if you catch me in one of my oddball moods). But no ... that's not the cracking I'm addicted to.

My problem is that I can't stop cracking myself, as in my joints.

Between my fingers and toes, I am a one-woman drumline. And it doesn't take much effort ... just a little twitching here and there and voila .... everything cracks. Good neck cracks are rare, but ahhhhh ... they feel so good.

Now that I think about this crack addiction, the start of it may have been one night ~10 years ago when Oompalina and I still lived together and her hot chiropractor boy toy was hanging at our place. Somehow I ended up cracking an egg on my head in exchange for a professional neck crack. I'm not entirely sure how we arrived at that deal, but it was pretty funny and felt great. If you're going to let someone give your head a 360 spin while still attached to your body, it may as well be a good-looking guy.

I used to be able to crack my back until about 6 years ago when I tripped over my laptop cord and did a belly-flop across my living room floor, causing me to herniate a disk. That was the end of my back cracks, unfortunately.

My best shoulder cracks usually come when I'm hiking up my scuba suit. Boys -- yes, I scuba dive in my spare time. Girls - you know what I'm talkin 'bout.

My wrists crack when I'm driving, without even trying. My right elbow cracks sometimes, but that hurts. I'm not addicted to that. My knees ... well, that makes me feel old when they crack. (But secretly, it feels pretty good.)

I know it's such a gross habit. Nobody wants to sit around listening to someone crack every joint in their body. I really hate it. I'm hoping that by confronting my crack addiction I can be on the road to recovery. As Whitney says "Crack is whack."

Anybody else share my addiction, or have one you'd like to share?


Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

I have a teenaged niece, whose joints crack with startling regularity - she really doesn't have to do any manipulation - they just pop all on their own - we call her "Cracketty Julia".

Los said...

I had a college roommate who would crack his wrists, fingers, and neck incessantly, and it bothered me ... he was annoying to begin with, though.

I guess my main habit would be that I fart a lot ... I mean a lot!