Nice buldge!

I know I told a couple of people this story about a recent trip to CVS, but I'm going to write about it anyway. It's just one of those things so typical of a day in the life of me. It also gave me quite a chuckle.

So a few weeks ago I had a nasty sinus cold and was feeling really really crappy. After an entire day of nose-blowing and sneezing, I decided to suck it up and make the 8 block trek to the CVS at 10th & Reed. In my leggings, a big sweatshirt, no makeup and a ratty pontyail I ventured to CVS for some relief to my clogged-up sinuses. After wandering about 15 feet into the store, I felt something weird on the back of my leg. I stopped and reached down, only to discover a massive lump in my pants. Not something growing on my leg, but something stuffed in my pants. And it was big. I didn't have my purse with me, so I couldn't reach in and do a quick grab n stuff. I wasn't sure what to do. I stood there feeling it for a minute trying to determine if it was pantyhose ... or underwear ... or a big sock. Would it be clean or dirty? I just didn't know. I couldn't pull it out, because how could I explain walking around CVS with a pair of underwear in my hands? As I stood in the middle of the store feeling and contemplating this lump, I had an immediate panic: What if I'm on camera right now and someone thinks I'm trying to steal something? I pictured the scene: security guard comes over and accuses me of stealing a bag of Halloween candy, and my only defense is to reveal my stash. Trick or treat ... it's a pair of my underwear! I'd have to show it to prove my innocence. I couldn't let this happen.

As this scene played out in my head I realized that I was probably drawing unwanted attention to myself. I immediately stopped touching my pants and tried to walk inconspicuously to the back of the store for my cold medicine so I could hurry up and get the hell outta there. Could I pull off this purchase without the blob falling out of my pants? Or getting stopped for shoplifting my own undergarments?

The cashier's line was huge, but I waited my turn and didn't worry about the scads of people behind me who were probably speculating about my massive buldge.

When I got back to my car, I pulled the mystery lump from the ankle of my pants. Voila -- it was a pair of underwear. I had a pretty good laugh all by myself right there in the parking lot.