Pineapple, Anyone?

In an effort to watch my girlie figure and make sure I'm not mistaken for a float in the Derby parade next week, I've really been watching what I eat. Not just watching it like I usually do -- as it goes from the fridge into my mouth -- but really trying to be "good."

So yesterday I cut up some fresh pineapple, put it in a plastic container, and brought it with me to work. I ate 'er up for lunch, rinsed everything out, then threw the container back in my bag to bring home. Good, right?

Well, fast forward to this morning -- I had a business meeting at a vendor's office, and about 15 minutes into the meeting noticed something smelled a little odd. I discreetly sniffed the people sitting on either side of me -- wasn't them. I slyly checked my pits -- everything okay there. When I realized it was coming from under the table, I thought maybe somebody (else) stepped in poo and didn't realize it -- not the case.

What I finally figured out was this ...... Apparently yesterday before I ate my pineapple, the juice leaked all over the bottom of my bag. And it was sticky. And everything in my bag turned sticky. And it fermented -- like gross pineapple wine mixed with my work papers, umbrella, and other girlie work bag things. As it dawned on me what had happened, I sat there ... in my meeting, with a bunch of people who were probably wondering why the room smelled like a pile of trash doused with rancid pineapple juice!

At the very first opportunity, I requested a short break. People scurried from the conference room with blackberries in hand, and in my only short window of opportunity, I hid my smelly trash bag behind a cabinet in the conference room.

I don't know if anybody else ever smelled it -- if they did, they were nice enough not to say anything like "Do you have a dead animal in your bag?" Or "Did you pack yourself a lunch that you forgot to eat -- last year?" I'm telling you, this stink was BAY-AD!!!

How embarrassing! That sucker's getting OXY'd tonight!!