No Wiggle

What is it that has brought me out of a 2-month blogging hiatus? Not insomnia and not a burst of creativity, but it was the purchase of a new toilet seat.

So as I was cleaning the bathroom with that toilet duck stuff, I squirted it all over the place by accident and it ate the enamel off my toilet seat. It was left looking really weird and dirty, so of course, I headed to Lowe's for a replacement seat.

Pondering the selection of toilet seats, I quickly ruled out the cushiony one and the clear blue one with an aquarium motif. Finally, I selected a standard seat with one feature that I'd never seen before: "no wiggle."

Funny, huh? But it made sense to me. How gross is it to sit down on the seat and have it slide around, forcing your naked bum to touch some gross part of the bowl that should never be touched by bare skin? Seemed like a smart purchase, but come to find out it has a flaw.

Not a flaw for us girls, but apparently the "no wiggles" toilet seat doesn't stay up when men try to put the seat up. Personally, I consider this a "feature" rather than a "bug", but I can understand why it may be shocking to be a man in midstream and experience a big toilet seat collapse.

So Dave tells me that after 3 weeks, the toilet seat is still not staying up and he thinks it's defective. I shared that the only reason I could think to cause it would be this "no wiggle" thing.

Now, he is convinced that "no wiggle" really means the toilet seat is made for women, not men. That the toilet seat manufacturer found a humorous way of saying "this toilet seat is meant to flop down, so keep your wiggle out of the way!" He REALLY believes this!!

Seriously, I crack up every time I think of it.

Randomness

Time to do some mattress shopping. I keep hearing good things about "memory foam", but just the name of it has me a little perplexed. What confuses me is the term "memory." If I leave a big ass dent in the bed, why would I want my mattress to remember that? Seems like "amnesia foam" would be better, so every time you get in bed it's just like new.



"The Devil Went Down to Georgia" came on the radio one night this week during my drive home from work. I'm a rather scary person when that song is on. Why? I know all the words and even singalong to the fiddle competition parts? Weird.



I really like Lady Gaga, but kinda think "she" might be a "he." Anybody else (aside from all the tabloids) with me on this one?









Sorry, but enough of Susan Boyle. So an aesthetically challenged woman can sing ... she may have a CD out, but I've only ever heard her sing the same song over and over again. And it's not even her song.



For years of my life, I always wanted to wear glasses. Over the last month, I've come to the realization that the day when I'll actually need them is fast-approaching.



At long last, I'm finally naming my official fake BFF. And the award goes to (drum roll please) ...... Chelsea Handler. I watch her show all the time and just love her down to earth, smart sense of humor. Yeah yeah, rumor has it she slept around and has/had a drinking problem. I don't care, I think she's funny. She's written a couple of books which I'm sure are hilarious. I'll be picking up this one to read on my trip to Kentucky this week.








And speaking of books, sitting in the car dealership this week waiting for my car inspection to be done, David Sedaris had me cracking up. Better than cracking up -- big, uncontrollable belly laughs. If I'd judged this book by the cover, I would've totally missed out of this piece of hilariousness!!! I'm not an NPR kind of gal, so I never listened to him there, but I'll certainly be reading all the rest of his stuff. He's a good candidate for my club of fake BFFs.

I've been watching "The United States of Tara" on Showtime OnDemand. Toni Collette is a very talented actress, and have thought so since I first saw her in "Muriel's Wedding" years ago. She's been good in everything I've seen her in, including this show. She plays a woman with multiple personalities, and John Corbett (Aidan from "Sex and the City") plays her husband. They've got 2 kooky kids, and the multiple personalities are just hilarious. Check it out if you haven't already.

My favorite car was a Toyota Tercel wagon that my parents gave me to drive in college -- aka "The Bus." I had 3 Toyotas after that and never had a day's worth of trouble with any of them. Am sorry that Toyota's having this gas pedal problem, but am confident they'll fix it and weather the storm. Anybody remember "The Bus?"










Two words I loathe: Democrats and Republicans. Where's the word for "think-for-yourself-ers?" I'll leave my soapbox in the corner, but it seems common sense and flexibility fly right out the window when a political label is too firmly affixed.

In the Kitchen With Me

Recently, I ran across a recipe in a magazine for "Buffalo Chicken Meatballs" which caught my eye. No messy fryers, skip the fattening skin, but yet you still get that delicious buffalo-y bleu cheese and celery taste. The name of the magazine and the recipe have eluded me, but it really didn't seem that diffcult to make something on my own, so this afternoon I gave it a whirl. These things turned out to be quite tasty, and will most certainly be added to my appetizer repertoire.

Unfortunately, I never measure anything so these amounts are approximate -- proceed with caution if you're a measurement freak.

Buffalo Chicken Meatballs

1 package (~1 lb) ground chicken
1 egg
1/4 c bleu cheese crumbles
1/4 small onion, finely minced
1/2 rib celery, minced (I made fine slices with the mandoline, then ran the knife through to make it even smaller ... looking for flavor without the texture)
pinch of kosher salt

fresh cracker pepper, a generous dousing

2 heaping spoonfuls of Maries Bleu Cheese Dressing
2 heaping spoonfuls of sour cream
2 tbls butter
1/3 c Frank's Red Hot sauce


Preheat oven to 350. (I baked the meatballs to avoid the calories and mess of frying, but you could do it either way.) In a mixing bowl, combine the first 8 ingredients , but only a pinch of the celery. Reserve the rest for later to add to the dipping sauce. I also added a few splashes of hot sauce to the meatball mixture, but the 1/3 c is really for the sauce which comes later. Mush it all together, then form into appetizer sized meatballs.

Bake for 30-40 minutes.

While the meatballs are cooking, make the dipping sauce in a small bowl for dip (duh, what else would you put dip in?) Add: bleu cheese dressing, sour cream, the rest of the celery, and more fresh cracked pepper. Stir and refrigerate.

When the meatballs are done, melt butter and hot sauce in a small saucepan. Pour sauce over meatballs, toss until well-coated, then serve with diping sauce.

Makes 18 meatballs.

Love It or Shove It - TV Edition

Love it .... Tom Brokaw has a new show that's very reminiscent of "On the Road with Charles Kuralt" which was always a fave. I forget what it's called or what channel it came on, but he drove cross country in an RV, stopping at random places and telling random stories.

Shove it .... Pop-up advertisements. It started as a small, subtle and sometimes translucent logo tucked in the corner of the screen. OK, not so bad. Now, in the middle of every show there are major advertisements popping up in the middle of the screen ... as if commercials aren't enough. TNT might be the worst, with Kyra Segwick climbing out of the corner of the screen with a flashlight once every couple of minutes. So annoying!

Love it .... Funny lines from "Jersey Shore." Yes, I'm hooked on this hilariosity. "She's a 5 stage clinga" .... "Don't worry, I'm not clown her out" .... "Grenade" ... "She came chah-gin' at me like some kinda hippo" .... and the list goes on.

Love it .... new cast of Project Runway.

Shove it ... I've said it before and I'll say it again: Boo hiss to the creepy sunglass guy from CSI Miami.

Shove it ... Conan AND Jay. Not that I'm awake late enough to watch either of you, but if I were I'd watch Letterman.

and finally,

Love it ... DVR. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: no tape storage necessary ... can watch an hour show in 30 mins .... skip the commercials! .... when nothing's on you always have something for me to watch ... can record series so I don't have to remember to set you every week.

In the Kitchen with Me

One of my favorite rooms in the house is my kitchen. In fact, I think I've come to realize that I love to cook more than I love to eat. All of the kitchen gadgets, different ingredients, recipes, serveware, stores ... I really do love everything about it. Admittedly, I'm a foodie through and through.

So I think I'm going to start sharing some of my kitchen observations, tips and recipes on a regular basis. And since it's a rainy Sunday with football on the tube, it seems natural that I'd be piddling around the in the kitchen.

Here are some of my random food thoughts and observations:

Boneless skinless chicken breasts are perhaps the most boring and tasteless food in existence, even worse than iceberg lettuce. Doesn't matter what you do with them, they really are a waste of stomach space. I'm much more a fan of a boneless, skinless thigh if I have to eat chicken. There are so many interesting things you can do with them (will have to share in my next installment of "In the Kitchen with Me").

And speaking of chicken, food on bones kinda turns me off. Doesn't mean I won't eat it, but cavemanning my food from a carcas isn't necessarily an enjoyable experience -- even if it tastes good.

I'm on a truffle kick. Everywhere I turn in my kitchen there's something with a truffle in it. Truffle salt & pepper, black truffle oil, sottocenere (delicious truffle cheese from DiBruno's), and Cremere di Tartufo (a truffle-infused spread for bread).

A framed copy of this picture is hanging in my kitchen:

My friend Kelly took this picture for the family cookbook I assembled last year. It's my Butternut Squash Soup. The spoon is from my grandmother's silverware set that she left to me. I really love this picture! Thanks Kelly!!!


So moving along ....


What's exciting about baking soda, baking powder, flour and sugar? Nothing. All baking recipes pretty much call for the same 6 ingredients added in different quantities or sequencing. Baking is too much like chemistry -- not for me.

Rice cookers seem like a waste of money and space. Some magazine I was reading reported rice cookers to be the #1 rated favorite kitchen appliance, and I thought "Wow, really???" You can cook rice in a regular pan. Why get a space hog the size of a crock pot just to make rice? Maybe if I liked rice I'd feel differently.

On the other hand, here are some items I cannot do without in the kitchen: crock pot, silicon spatula (which is used for everything), aluminum foil, salt & pepper mills, 1 hard anodized nonstick pan for cooking pretty much everything, the immersion blender, and last but not least ... my santoku knife.

A confession: it all started with some innocent channel surfing, and before I knew it QVC had me on hold. Yes, I admit it -- I bought something from QVC. There's a show on Sundays called "In the Kitchen with ___ " (Dave or Bob or somebody), and it features all kinds of kitchen products. I like to flip past it to see what's new, but I never buy anything -- until I discovered this: a line of ovenware called "Temptations." I didn't have any nice casserole dishes, and the more I watched the more I got sucked in. The thing is, I love this stuff! I'm throwing away every glass baking dish I own. It's functional, pretty, easy to clean and comes with trivets, serving racks, covers and I even got a carrying case for my set. (Not to mention, it was very affordable.) I will stop short of calling the QVC testimonial line to sing the praises of my new ovenware, but really if you need anything like this -- it's awesome.

For some reason, I've not been able to get and keep a can opener for more than about a month for the last 10 years -- not something you'd normally consider a high "wear and tear" item. It wasn't until I found "The Toucan" at Target, that my can opener curse ended.


When it comes to cooking, I'm a complete Type A, Control Freak, Virgo, Anal Retentive, whatever-you-wanna-call me. (Who me?? nahhhhhh!!) Anyway, I like to use good ingredients, make sure everything is properly chopped and cooked, it's gotta be appetizing to the eye, and of course ... delicious. I have no idea how my friend Schue cooks with me in the kitchen for my Christmas party, because I know I'm a huge pain in the ass. But she does, and I appreciate it.


Pork is, hands-down, my favorite protein.


Clean as you go ... a must. There is absolutely no need to soak dishes -- only on the rarest of rare occasions (like 3 times a year if you're wondering what I mean by "rare"). Finding soaking dishes in my sink actually makes me spin into a rage. I can't stand to see a dish filled with cold, greasy water and food particles floating around in it. YUCK!! I've been telling DD to stop soaking things, and he's refuses to listen. The next time he does it, I'm tempted to pour the "soak" into his bedroom slipper. "Soaking" is another way of saying "I'm too lazy to do the dishes." I don't care if you don't do the dishes (I actually like doing dishes), but DO NOT fill them up with water and leave them for me.


And to end with a positive thought ...


Coffee made with fresh ground beans is the only way to go. The smell and taste are the perfect way to start any day.

Nightmares

"Criminal Minds" is one of my favorite shows on TV, but last night's episode left me with nightmares.

Instead of my dreams being filled with visions of sugarplums and Shemar .....

I was haunted by images of the creepy corpse-like human "dolls."

Creepy creepy creepy!!!!

The Woeful Shoe Shopper

Dear people who make women's shoes:

Not every woman buying shoes is a stripper. Some of us are clumsy and want our big Fred Flinstone toes to feel comfortable in our shoes. We also need to wear shoes that are appropriate for jobs that don't involve swinging on a pole. As much as we love sparkles, could you please give us options that don't have sequins ...

ruffles .....

lucite .....

gladiator straps .... (which are sometimes cute, but always synonmous with blisters)

ties that go up to your knee ....

or big metallic studs? (Please see "gladiator straps")

I'd also like to mention that wearing ginormous heels makes me too tall. If I wanted to be that high up in the air, I'd get on a ladder ... not strap it to my foot.

Where are the shoes that have a modest heel, in normal colors, and are stylish but not over-the-top? Because I went shoe shopping yesterday and was actually quite sad to find that the choices are pretty much limited to stripper heels or ballerina flats.

On a positive note, I'll say that you're making some nice boots. But please, get the shoe thing together.

Sincerely,

Desperately Seeking a Good Shoe