No Wiggle

What is it that has brought me out of a 2-month blogging hiatus? Not insomnia and not a burst of creativity, but it was the purchase of a new toilet seat.

So as I was cleaning the bathroom with that toilet duck stuff, I squirted it all over the place by accident and it ate the enamel off my toilet seat. It was left looking really weird and dirty, so of course, I headed to Lowe's for a replacement seat.

Pondering the selection of toilet seats, I quickly ruled out the cushiony one and the clear blue one with an aquarium motif. Finally, I selected a standard seat with one feature that I'd never seen before: "no wiggle."

Funny, huh? But it made sense to me. How gross is it to sit down on the seat and have it slide around, forcing your naked bum to touch some gross part of the bowl that should never be touched by bare skin? Seemed like a smart purchase, but come to find out it has a flaw.

Not a flaw for us girls, but apparently the "no wiggles" toilet seat doesn't stay up when men try to put the seat up. Personally, I consider this a "feature" rather than a "bug", but I can understand why it may be shocking to be a man in midstream and experience a big toilet seat collapse.

So Dave tells me that after 3 weeks, the toilet seat is still not staying up and he thinks it's defective. I shared that the only reason I could think to cause it would be this "no wiggle" thing.

Now, he is convinced that "no wiggle" really means the toilet seat is made for women, not men. That the toilet seat manufacturer found a humorous way of saying "this toilet seat is meant to flop down, so keep your wiggle out of the way!" He REALLY believes this!!

Seriously, I crack up every time I think of it.