So, what's been going on lately?

'Tis the season for parties of every sort, which means lots of people around and lots of mingling. I love it and am a little anxious about it all at the same time. Party conversation always seems to start off with a question I love almost as much as "How much do you weigh?" That is: "So what's been going on lately?" I always have the same answers -- "Same ole, same ole", "Nothing interesting", "Busy with work and stuff." YAWN!!! I can see the eyes glaze over as the person looks for a quick escape. Sometimes I want the person to run away, and I almost always wish I could've hidden before they popped the dreaded question.

I don't suck at small talk with everybody, just most people. Friends and family who know what a weirdo I am are not a problem. It's the remainder of folks (work people, new acquaintances, etc) who are problematic and trigger my usual tongue-tied, boring responses. Frankly, I'm not sure why I'm so bad a mingling because I'm a pretty sociable person -- I guess it's just a skill I never really perfected. Time to turn the tide on that one! Although, I do have to be careful because when I deviate from my standard boring responses, I generally wind up with at least one of my feet in my mouth. This holiday party season, I'm determined to be prepared. I will wow people with my brilliant conversation skills! Somewhere between telling the mundane truth and fabricating a wildly interesting story, I will find the perfect words to stun whomever is within earshot.

Here are some alternatives I'm contemplating instead of my usual ho-hum response:

• I got called out of the audience at the Hans Klok show in Vegas and he made Pam Anderson disappear so I could appear in her place.
• I got abducted by aliens to help mow crop circles in a cornfield somewhere in South Jersey. They returned me unharmed.
• I once took belly dancing lessons and am now thinking of going for ballroom. Wanna see "snake hips" or "scoop the pudding"?
• While the news was doing a story on visits with Santa, I was captured on film in the background doing an Eagles chant.
• Nothing. I could just burst into song instead. Whatever song comes to mind will do.

See what I mean? I'm not very good at this. Maybe I should hang a piece of lettuce from my lip to throw people off. Instead of asking what's been going on with me, people will just tell me I've got stuff hanging from my face. Yeah yeah, that's what I'll do!!