Will the Real Maryland Crab Cake Please Stand Up?

My favorite spring dinner menu is this:

Maryland Crab Cakes
Asparagus
Sliced Tomato (or tomato salad)

Aside from being beautiful on the plate and absolutely delicious, it's also done in 20 minutes and is healthy. And did I mention how fancy it is? As an extra added bonus, I'll share my secrets .... which are my grandmother's secrets. She grew up on the Eastern Shore of Maryland's Chesapeake Bay as a crab picker. Her crab cakes were the best thing I've ever tasted, without a doubt. I miss my dear Tilly!

(By the way, the picture isn't my crab cakes but that's what they should look like when done.)

Anyway, Tilly's recipe itself is no big secret ..... the real trick is in the handling of the crab meat. Let me enlighten you .....

• Crab cake recipe - follow the recipe on the side of the box of Old Bay, but cut bread to 1 slice instead of 2 slices.


• Use jumbo lump crab meat and do not break it up. If you really want to go for supreme taste and expense isn't an issue, throw in some back fin meat -- yep, that's right .... throw in some back fin meat (the cheap stuff) with your jumbo lump. The two mixed together make the best crab cake flavor. Be careful not to handle too much, and don't break up the lumps .. my lumps, my lovely crabby lumps!
  
• Form your crab cakes gently, pressing just enough to hold them together. Your not making a snowball, so don't mush it together like your getting ready to throw it. Gently press and put on your baking sheet.


• By the way, there are a few other tasty things you can do with this mixture:

1. If you like balls, roll smaller for crab cake appetizers.
2. Butterfly a couple of colossal shrimp and top with the crab mixture. Follow the same cooking instruction below. Serve one with a small filet for a super elegant and delicious surf n turf. (I made that with my risotto cakes and a caesar for Christmas dinner one year ... a huge hit. Sometime I'll share the risotto cake recipe -- not healthy, but a serious mouth party!)

• Back to the crab cakes!! I usually get 4-5 nice sized crab cakes out of a pound of crab meat. Be generous and don't worry about making them look like perfectly smooth frisbees or balls ... messed up edges taste just as good, and actually look more appetizing once done.
  
• Cook them under the broiler on one side for 10 minutes, until golden brown on top. No need to fry or dip in bread crumbs or whatever people who don't know how to make a crab cake do to their crab cakes. You'll also notice there are no peppers, onions or orange things hanging out of these crab cakes. When you see that stuff in your crab cake, you're eating a poseur.


• If you want to serve it like a serious Maryland native, get out the saltines and Worcestershire sauce. Don't overdo it ... they're just accents. And if you put ketchup on it, you should be shot. (Sorry Davey Dogs, but it's just WRONG!)

The Asparagus - I steam mine, then do a quick toss before I serve with very teensy amounts of: butter, extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper.

Tomato - Nuttin' beats a sliced red Jersey tomato, topped with a little salt n pepa. If you want to get a lil fancy, drizzle a little balsamic vinegar, a slice of fresh mozzarella and a few leaves of fresh basil. This is my favorite salad in the summer.

This is one of the fastest dinners you can make and is dinner-party quality. If you decide to try, let me know how it turns out.

Smothered Pork Chops

As promised, here's a fast, easy, delicious and healthy dinner for after work. Eat your heart out Rachel Ray ... I can cook my dinner in 20 minutes or less!! And did I mention they're mouth-watering delicious?!??!

A few caveats:

• I don't measure, so don't be alarmed by my guesstimates. This recipe is nearly impossible to ruin.
• I'm also not a recipe writer, so I've added commentary to explain what I do. It doesn't read like a normal recipe -- then again, I'm rarely normal, so that shouldn't be surprising.
• You can make as many pork chops as you want/need. Increase or decrease veggies depending on how much you like on top of your pork chop.

Smothered Pork Chops

Boneless center-cut pork chops (meat fat grosses me out, so I buy the ones that are trimmed)
Salt n pepa (if you have McCormick's Garlic & Herb grilling rub, that's works nicely on these)

olive oil (1-2 tsps.)
1 large onion, sliced
1 red pepper, cut into slices (my cuts looks like a wide julienne)
1 clove minced garlic
1 big squirt of deli mustard (~2 tsps)
1/2 - 1 cup chicken broth
1 little blob of brown sugar (~1-2 tsps)
dash of curry powder (~1/4 tsp)

Preheat broiler.

While broiler is heating cut onion, pepper, and mince the garlic. Bring saute pan to medium heat, then drizzle just a little bit of olive oil in the pan. (If you use a nonstick pan, you don't need much olive oil at all -- maybe a scant 2 tsps.) Toss in the onion, pepper and garlic. Stir to coat the vegs with oil. Cook 2-3 mins, then add enough chicken broth to cover the bottom of the pan. Stir.

Salt n pepa your pork chops, then broil for 8 minutes.

When broth evaporates from onions and peppers, add a little more. This time stir in the mustard, brown sugar, and curry powder with the broth. (Note: if these ingredients freak you out you can skip them, but I promise it's not as gross as it sounds. It's a very tasty blend of slightly sweet and savory, and the curry is not hot.) Cover and cook until pork chop timer goes off.

Turn your porn chops over and cook for another 4 minutes.

Stir the onions/pepper. Cook uncovered for the remainder of the time. If they look like they're sticking, add just a little broth. If they're too soupy, turn up the heat to make the broth evaporate .... you want them to look carmelized.

When the timer's done, dinner's ready! Serve your pork chops topped with the onion/pepper mixture. My favorite sides for this dish are sweet potatoes and applesauce (of course ... thank you Peter Brady!). You can cut a sweet potato into manageable pieces (about the size of a lime), prick with a fork and cook in the microwave for 12 mins to speed the process. If you put them in right after you put the pork chops in the oven, everything will be timed perfectly.

As my friends, The Johns, say: "Enchoy!" Let me know how it works out if you try it.

P.S. - Also let me know if the instructions didn't work for you. I need to know so I can fix it. I don't wanna be giving out stinky recipes, ya know!?!?!?!

You learn something new every day

Thought I'd share some new things I've learned in the last few days:

1.) The past tense of "win" is "wan." Somebody was telling me about a superbowl block pool where they wan $800. Wow .... I can't wait to use it in a sentence. In fact, if all goes well this weekend the fantasy football team that my friend Sue and I have -- Team CaCa -- will do well and someday I'll be able to say we wan the championship.

2.) I finally got introduded to Guitar Hero at Schue and Los' house on Friday night .... and I was pretty good. I'm not sure what was better, my near conquer of the "Ballroom Blitz" or Schue and I singing back-up to "Sweet Child of Mine" on the karaoke mike while Los rocked out. I'm also not sure how Davey Dogs snored through the whole thing -- maybe his hearing loss is worse than we thought.

3.) I'm not as bad at fundraising as I thought. -- I absolutely can't stand asking people for money, even if it's a good cause. Not sure why, but I guess I'm just wired funny. I really admire people who have this skill because it's definitely one where I'm lacking, and if you're a group that relies on the generosity of others it's important to have people who know how to elicit donations. Anyhow, I spent a few hours on Saturday morning wrapping presents at Barnes & Noble to help raise money for an organization I've been supporting, the Community Learning Center. As I chatted with the customers and told the story of what we do, the most amazing thing happened -- some people who had only dropped a dollar (or nothing) into the donation bucket actually upped their contributions. Just by telling the story of how some students won't go take their GED because they don't have the $12 for the test, people started giving $12. Not only did I learn something about fundraising, but it felt good to do something to help our students.

4.) Brasciole doesn't have to cook for hours in a crock pot to be good. I always thought that good braciole had to slow cook in the sauce for hours and hours to be delicious and tender. Not true. I made a quick braciole that was absolutely falling apart and very very good -- all in about 30 mins. Move over Rachel Ray! If you're a cook and want to try, here's what I did: (By the way, I don't measure so if you need precise instructions this probably won't work for you. I'm also not a cookbook author, yet, so this doesn't look like a regular recipe. It's the first time writing it down.) It's very easy and delicious ... let me know how it works out if you decide to try it.

Barbra Peapod's Fast Braciole

• Top round for braciole (it's packaged like this and requires no pounding ... yay!)
• Ricotta
• Bread Crumbs
• Parsley and other italian herbs
• Salt & Pepper
• 1 Egg
• Parmesan
• Garlic
• Onions
• Peppers (red, green or both)
• Shrooms
• 1 Can diced tomatoes (the flavored ones are great)
• 1 can tomato sauce

Mix the stuffing in a small bowl: ricotta, bread crumbs, spices, egg, parmesan. (It should be pasty consistency -- add cheese to thin it out, add bread crumbs to thicken.)

Lay the steaks flat, then spread a heaping spoonful of the mix on about 3/4 of the steak. Don't spread too thick or too close to the edges or it'll all spooge out when you're cooking the rolls. You can use string or toothpicks if you really want to, but I didn't and everything was fine. The trick is in the next step -- searing. I had leftover stuffing mixture, and used it up by chucking it into the sauce .... mmmm!

Heat some olive oil to med high in a deep dish pan (I used my flat-bottomed wok). When the pan is hot, put the roll-ups seam side down in the pan. Sear for a couple of minutes then rotate. The meat cooks very fast, so watch it. Add a little beef broff to cover the bottom of the pan after 3-4 minutes.

Add onions, garlic, peppers, shrooms, or whatever vegs you'd like. Saute for a few minutes until they are slightly tender. Add tomato stuff. Stir gently, then cover and simmer.

While it was simmering, I cooked up some pasta. By the time the pasta was done, so was everything else. I served with some garlic crescent rolls on the side ..... delish!!