E C N A L U B M A

These are the letters written on the front of every ambulance. They're written backwards so that drivers can actually read the word "ambulance" when looking in their rear view mirrors, and properly identify this as an emergency vehicle.

If it weren't written backwards so everybody could read its name-tag, what would people think this sirened, speeding, light-flashing vehicle shaped like an ambulance was? An ice cream truck?

Why not add a question to the Driver's License exam: "What is this vehicle?" .... show a picture of an ambulance with the label missing. If someone can't figure it out, it should be immediate failure.

The impetus for this lil dissertation? This morning I was at an intersection with an ambulance in front of me, one behind me and one going through the intersection. It got me thinking about these things ..... and also how some people call it an "am-bew-LANTS."

Crack Addiction

I admit it - I'm a crack addict.

Not crack as in the drug. And I'm not addicted to butt cracks either. (Although I do enjoy toilet jokes ... thanks Los for feeding this addition!)

No ..... I'm addicted to cracking myself.

Not "up", as in cracking myself up with laughter (although I can be quite funny if you catch me in one of my oddball moods). But no ... that's not the cracking I'm addicted to.

My problem is that I can't stop cracking myself, as in my joints.

Between my fingers and toes, I am a one-woman drumline. And it doesn't take much effort ... just a little twitching here and there and voila .... everything cracks. Good neck cracks are rare, but ahhhhh ... they feel so good.

Now that I think about this crack addiction, the start of it may have been one night ~10 years ago when Oompalina and I still lived together and her hot chiropractor boy toy was hanging at our place. Somehow I ended up cracking an egg on my head in exchange for a professional neck crack. I'm not entirely sure how we arrived at that deal, but it was pretty funny and felt great. If you're going to let someone give your head a 360 spin while still attached to your body, it may as well be a good-looking guy.

I used to be able to crack my back until about 6 years ago when I tripped over my laptop cord and did a belly-flop across my living room floor, causing me to herniate a disk. That was the end of my back cracks, unfortunately.

My best shoulder cracks usually come when I'm hiking up my scuba suit. Boys -- yes, I scuba dive in my spare time. Girls - you know what I'm talkin 'bout.

My wrists crack when I'm driving, without even trying. My right elbow cracks sometimes, but that hurts. I'm not addicted to that. My knees ... well, that makes me feel old when they crack. (But secretly, it feels pretty good.)

I know it's such a gross habit. Nobody wants to sit around listening to someone crack every joint in their body. I really hate it. I'm hoping that by confronting my crack addiction I can be on the road to recovery. As Whitney says "Crack is whack."

Anybody else share my addiction, or have one you'd like to share?

Carrie vs. Miranda

So this week the massively hyped "Sex and the City" movie premiers, and I really couldn't be more excited. I've seen every episode of the series at least 3 times, and still want more. For those of you who are fans, you know it's the friendship and kooky personalities that keep us watching. That and the "girl talk only" truths revealed on camera that bond us women like a secret society that's not-so-secret anymore. At some point, we all (or at least me and everyone I know) have been dreamers, sluts, career girls, unable to settle into a man, a shoe, a life that fits.

Anyway, all of this reminds me of a dinner party I went to at my friend Kelly's house years ago. Somehow, all of the girls ended up in a room taking a "Which Sex and the City character are you most like" quiz on the computer. It meant nothing to me because at that point I had no HBO and had never seen the show. I don't remember which character I was like, but I do remember somebody explaining the characters to me: "you want to be like Carrie, she's cool .... but not Miranda, she's the homely, ugly one."

Hmmm.

Now that I know the characters, I can't say I'd want to be like Carrie. I think she's the most annoying of the 4 girls, and aside from her over-the-top shoe collection and writing career, I don't know there's much I envy about her. I always thought she was weak and a whiner, not to mention stupid for dumping Aidan.

The "homely" Miranda? I've actually come to really like her character, and would never use the word "homely" to describe her. She's smart, successful ... a little edgy and hard on the outside, but soft on the inside. Hmm, sounds familiar. I will say this, I hate her hair.

So next week I'll have a movie review for you. I've purposefully avoided the shows about the movie so I can be surprised. I'll let you know .....

I'm Baaaaack!!

Just a quick post to let the 5 people who read this blog know that I have not fallen off the face of the earth! I am finally back from all my travels over the last months, most recently to Boston, Palm Springs, and Phoenix - by accident.

BTW, I have a new phone number so if you've been trying to reach me and can't, I'll be sending an email today with my new number.

Hope all is well with you, and am looking forward to getting caught up on your posts for the last 3 weeks.

Travel Pics: The Kentucky Derby

Tada! Here are the last of the vacation photos -- and my faves, I must say. This is the 134th running of the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs.

When they call it the most exciting 2 minutes in sports, they're really not lying. In fact, there's no doubt the excitement lasted longer than 2 minutes -- it was a full day affair. I'm craving a mint julep as I look at these .....

The inside of the Paddock -- where owners, trainers, jockeys and horses get ready before the race. It's kind of like an outdoor dressing room.

And here's the outside of the paddock, where the rest of us stand and watch. The section of the building in the middle of this picture is part of the original Churchill Downs -- with the twin spires. The tall section to the left is part of a multi-million dollar expansion -- some hate it because they say it takes away from the original charm. Maybe it does, but considering the size of the crowd I can understand why they added it.

Schue -- fancy dress, fancy hat!

Moi, in my Derby best.

The back of my hat

The scenery

I almost forgot, there was a horse race too. Here's Big Brown running down the stretch about 50 yards from the finish line.

Mint juleps in hand and tres glamourrrrous!

Travel Pics: Pre-Derby

The pre-Derby festivities in Louisville are tons of fun. There are lots of events every day, and I was lucky enough to get to partake ....

WEDNESDAY - Dawn at the Downs

A view of the grandstands from the backside of the track.

The Breffis Crew in the backside track kitchen. Can you tell I'm obsessed with the word backside?

Proud Belle finishing her workout. She went on to win the Kentucky Oaks race on Friday. Oaks Day is when the locals go to the track -- just as fancy as Derby, but not quite the hype and crowd.

Yours truly, enjoying some coffee and the horsies.

LATER THAT DAY ..... I scored tix to go on one of the Steamboats for the "big" boat race I'd never heard of. As it turns out, it was awesome. See ....

Here's the boat we raced against. I didn't know we were actually in the race until we were done. Our boat looked exactly like this.

Enough scenery ... here's me with the Derby Princesses.


Now for the good stuff .... here's the million-dollar baby and her proud papa!

THUSRDAY ..... Pegasus Parade

"THROWDOWN!" with Bobby Filet

Nigel ... can you tell how much he loves us?

FRIDAY -- It poured buckets all day and night, which kinda put the kabosh on our wandering around. But -- we still went to an Oaks Party, and then honky tonkin afterwards ......

Schue hanging by the fireplace with the funky tile. The pictures don't do this house justice ... it was spectacular. They are never invited to my little plebe house.

Me and my big fuzzy hair with some party peeps.

Now for the treasures ..... Coyotes, Louisville's original honky tonk. This was after the Oaks Party.....

Schue and I having some pre-bull courage.

Schue with Crazy Christina, a miscellaneous freak from Tennessee who picked up a hitch-hiker along the way and gave him Pringles and $1. She was dressed to impress, otherwise she would have to sleep in her car. How do we meet these people?

Is that Debra Winger?

Oh no, Sissy fell off the bull!!!

NEXT UP: The Doybee ....

Travel Pics: Talladega

Here are some photos from the Talladega NASCAR experience .....

Our campsite ... notice the cornhole set-up on the right. Our personal porta-potty on the left.

4 Happy Campers - Pam, DeDe, Tammy and me

Shopping at the Haulers ... where I bought my clothes. haha!

First night - Here's the set-up at the karaoke dance party

The dancers are getting warmed up

Pam's cutting a rug in her new "Hey Junior, wanna mount and dew me?" t-shirt! (sorry, I still haven't mastered how to rotate)

Gentlemen, start your engines

Nuttin like a little cornhole!! This was a SERIOUS match with our neighbors from Mississippi.

Second night - a scene from the turkey-fry, campfire singalong

Sunday ... the big race!!! Where's the Wonder Bread car?

Tomorrow's pics: Pre-Derby Festivities ....