I'm Ms. Heat Miser

Thank goodness it's cooling off today! The heat is making me crabby, and last night I was within a hair's breath of stomping the crap out of anything I could find .... just because. My sunglasses almost bought it, and I'm glad I didn't go all Heat Miser on them because I really like them ... alot.

My house has no air conditioning, except a window unit on the 3rd floor where the bedroom is. I have fans in the important spots, so it's not completely horrible -- but it's not great either. Davey Dogs can't take it at all, and is equally as miserable.

I had a relaxing, committment-free evening in sights -- then got called to attend a last minute meeting from 4:30 - 7:00 in the city. Who plans a meeting at this time? Anyway, I felt the need to be responsible, so I went. Boy was that a mistake!! Being responsible can be highly overrated. The room was hot and stuffy, and it went over by 35 minutes. I'm not very patient when it comes to meetings anyway, and running overtime with no apparent conscience of what time it is completely pisses me off. Rude rude rude.

Then I got home and had to make dinner .... which also means cleaning up. DD had made a salad, but I saw the steaks and potatoes sitting on the counter and knew what he wanted me to do. It was a 20-minute meal, but ugh -- I just didn't feel like it. Alas, I fired up the grill, and my backyard quickly went from 100 to 150 degrees. As I took the steaks off the grill, the heat melted my mascara into one big eyelash. I guess I should just be happy they didn't get singed right off my body.

Luckily I'm pretty fast with cooking and cleaning up the kitchen, so it wasn't long before I was ready to relax in front of the tube. I plopped down, but DD kept twitching ... trying to get comfy in front of the fan. His legs were bothering him, so he put his feet up on the coffee table. No big deal, except he put his feet right on top of all my mail and junk. I admit it was a big pile of clutter -- and it was driving me nuts -- but he didn't move it out of his way and it irritated the shit out of me that everything was sliding all over the place into a big stew of paper and crap. He was completely oblivious to the pile, but I sat there ... watching and stewing and seething as everything slipped .... little by little, getting worse and worse ..and closer to falling over the place. I felt my internal temperature rising as I envisioned throwing the pile through the front window ..... setting it on fire .... throwing my head back and screaming. After about 10 seconds Mt. St. Disco Bubbles blew and I "took care of" the pile.

Do you ever get steaming mad about nothing at all? A series of "nothing" events that accumulate into an outburst? That's how I was last night. I just wanted to punch something -- and for no good reason at all. I don't lose my temper often, but when I do it's usually because I'm worn out, hot, and something totally inconsequential is the last straw. Then I explode for 2 minutes and I'm done.

Is that an anger management issue? I don't know ... maybe.

Oh well, I'm just glad it's cooler today and the Heat Miser is back in hibernation.

When I was a kid ......

...there were things I wanted.

Like a different name. And of course I pondered my dream job. Hmmm ... what woud I do ... and what would I change my name to? I wonder why it never occurred to me to dream of not working? I don't know ... damn puritan work ethic, I guess.

Anyhow, at one point I made a list of jobs and names that I wanted, then gave it to my parents. Here's what I remember from my list:

Names

• Barbara (yep, believe it or not I knew at an early age that I wanted to be a Babs)
• Linda
• Joanna (not sure what I was thinking there ... sorry anybody named Joanna. I like the name, but it's not one of childhood dreams)
• Christine
• Nicole

Job List

• Gas station worker (They always pulled out a big wad of cash, so I was convinced this would be a good move.)
• Nurse (um, what was I thinking? Can you picture me giving a needle? HELL NO!!!)
• Wild World of Sports (Yep, this appeared on my list ... just like this. I'm not sure what I thought my job would be, but I was gonna be the "Wild World of Sports." I'm the most un-athletic person ever, so this makes no sense.)
• Singer (this is still on my list)
• Actress (so is this)

What did you want to be named? And what jobs did you want to do?

Over a Barrel

Rising prices are no fun, but I can't say I'm really surprised -- I mean, have prices ever gone down? Not really. Let's face it, 20 years from now we'll all be saying "remember when we only paid $5 for a gallon of milk? Ahh, those were the days" .... as we shell out $8 for the same gallon of milk.

Anyway, last night I went to the grocery store to buy a few essentials, and my jaw hit the ground when I got mugged in the express lane. No ... not really mugged, but I seriously felt like I had been robbed when I left with a measly 2 items for $20. What de falk!?!?!?!?! I shop all the time so I'm well aware of what prices are, but for some reason I was really struck by atrocity:

A 20-pack of toilet paper - $17!!!!!!
Loaf of bread - $3

These people know I have to wipe my ass, and they're holding it against me. Personally, I think $1 a roll is ridiculous, but what are you going to do? Pull a Sheryl Crow? I think not!!

Why does it not bother me to spend $10 on a block of cheese, but paying $17 to make sure I have a clean hiney for a month bugs me? Maybe because cheese is delicious, and toilet paper ...... isn't?

Ethiopian Cuisine

Last night I went to an Ethiopian restaurant. It was my first time for trying Ethopian cuisine, and since I'm a lover of (almost) all foods, I was very open to the idea.

The verdict?

Never again.

It didn't bother me that you had to eat with your hands. Or that the restaurant had no air-conditioning (and it was hotter than ... well, Ethiopia). Or that everything was on one big shared plate.

All of our dishes were in a big tray, on top of some kind of special "bread." But the bread wasn't like pita ... or naan .. or a pizza crust. It was more like a wet sponge. ackkkk!!! Soggy bread is not a friend of mine!!!! Not only does the food sit on top of the soggy sponge, but each person gets their own soggy sponge bread to tear into pieces and use to pick up your food. I'll eat lots and lots of things, but a piece of wet soggy sponge is not one of them.

If I'd had a fork -- and none were to be had -- I would have happily eaten the stuff on top of the soggy mat. It wasn't great, but it was edible.

In all likelihood, I'd be among the starving if I lived in Ethiopia.

The "Sex and the City" Movie (no secrets revealed)

So last night Schue and I went to see the "Sex and the City" movie. Don't worry ... if you haven't seen it and still want to, I'm not going to give anything away.

We went after work, so there wasn't a whole lotta time for putzing around. Before we left Schue's house she offered me a pair of socks because the movie theatres are always so cold. I thought they might look a little funny with my work dress and sandals, and for a movie that's all about fashion I figured I'd rather be cold than look like I ought to be living under a bridge somewhere. Anyhow, she grabbed her warm stuff shoved it in her bag and off we went.

We swung by "320 Produce" for a quick bite to go. I order a "sandwich" which ended up being the length of a baseball bat and as big around as my thigh. I purposefully wanted something small to hide inconspicuously in my bag. Uh, so much for that.

So while we waited for the movie to start, Schue pulled out the sweat-jacket she brought, only to find it was her sweatpants!! bahaaaaa!!! I guess she could've tied the legs around her neck to make a scarf ..... or stick her arms in the legs to keep warm ... or put the pants on? Nah. She shoved them back in the bag, and the lights dimmed to start the movie.

Oh yeah, the movie. That's what I wanted to write about.

I will tell you this ... I LOVED IT!!! I thought it was perfect.

There were parts where I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. And of course, I cried too. But then again if you know me, you know that I cry at just about anything I watch. Some commercials even get me. Sports movies? Forget it.

A few nuggets without spoiling anything:

• I would've like to see more of Harry. His part was too small, and I really like his character. (I just re-read that and it sounds a little risque ... "his part was small" .. "I wanted to see more of him". Take your mind outta the gutter!)
• I'm happy Stanford Blatch didn't talk more. He was one of my least faves in the whole show.
• The movie is very Carrie-centric. She's not my fave of the girls, but I'll forgive the writers because it meant Big was in it alot. I heart Big, even if he's an ahole sometimes.
• Jennifer Hudson's part was very well-done. I really like her (loved her in Dreamgirls), and I think she was a nice addition to the cast without changing what the show is really all about.

They tied it up in a nice little bow, but still left enough open for a sequel. In the meantime, I'll be purchasing the DVD and watching it over and over and over again.

Two manicured thumbs up.

Spread the Wealth

Two things I heard this morning on the news that gave a little cause for pause:

1.) People and OK magazines are in a bidding war for the rights to publish the first photos of Brad & Angelina's new bubs. Current asking price: $15 MILLION. And this price is expected to climb even higher!!!

2.) T.O. just signed a 4-year deal with the Cowboys. $34M for four years, plus an $11ishM sign-on bonus.

What the fuck? All-up, that's $60M being paid for crap that does nothing to make the world a better, safer place to live. No one is being healed, no resources are being conserved. OK, well maybe the magazines make my world a better place when I'm sitting in an airport twiddling my thumbs .... but you get the idea.

Why is it that money is abundant when it comes time for stuff like this, but teachers have to fight tooth and nail to be adequately paid? When the city needs more police officers there isn't enough money? When ~50M people can't afford any health insurance ... too bad for them?

Granted, Brad Pitt is generous with his money. But let's face it, I really don't think most gazillionaires or corporations are. Say what you want, but I don't think making $1B a year profit or income, then giving a $10,000 donation make you a saint. Look at the recent season of Celebrity Apprentice -- these celebs had to beg their stingy black book friends for measly $1,000 and $5,000 donations. Richard Branson was practically enshrined for giving $10,000. C'mon .. the guy is a billionaire. Cough it up!

I'm telling you people -- priorities are out of whack. I'm all in favor of capitalism, but somewhere along the line something seems to have gone awry. I'm no bleeding heart, but waste kinda makes me sick. And wasting $15M on a stupid baby pic is just dumb.

Name That Concoction

I made up a recipe last week that turned out quite delicious. Sometimes my creations don't pan out, but this one is a keeper. It was a concoction of shrimp and asaparagus baked in a portobello mushroom cap. The shrimp and asaparagus was all held together by a little egg, some ricotta, a few breadcrumbs, parmesan and seasonings.

Now I just need to name it. Asparagus + shrimp = aspimp. Ass pimp? Or maybe shrimpagus is better.

I kinda like the sound of Aspimp Imperial. bahaaaaaa!!!