Barbra Peapod

I'm dreaming of a new ......

2010-12-18T14:34:00.007-05:00

Not that a career in health insurance isn't glamorous and wildly exciting, but here are my dream jobs (not necessarily in order):

1.) Doowop girl (think "Dreamgirls") -- this requires sequined costumes, big hair teased up with a can of aqua net, singing and dancing. It's always been at the top of my list. Must be located in Vegas to achieve full effect.

2.) A hip hop dancer, like one of The Fly Girls from the old show "In Living Color." Since my "running man" looks more like a siezure (and I've been told: "Never do that again"), I think this career is highly unlikely.

3.) Own a lunch truck -- I haven't tossed this one aside. Would have to keep it relatively simple, but gourmet and delicious. I'm quite confident this could be achieved. This would satisfy my strong desire to be a chef, yet I wouldn't have to work nights, weekends and holidays. I could also drive my truck anywhere and open up shop. Travelling, cooking, making money ... all rolled into one!!!

(From "The Great Food Truck Race" on The Food Network a few months ago)

4.) Boyd Matson's job -- I want his job narrating all of the National Geographic specials all over the world. Can you imagine how awesome that would be?

5.) Have a TV show similar to the old one "On the Road with Charles Kuralt" -- Loved him and the idea of roaming the country in an RV meeting unsung heroes and spending time in towns that no one has heard of. I could finally see the world's largest ball of twine AND get to be on TV to talk about it ... ahhhhhh!!! Maybe I could combine this with #3?

6.) Own a beach bar & grill ... the kind locals like to frequent. A simple lifestyle surrounded people who just want to relax and enjoy life. One of my favorites is "The Beach Road Bar and Grill" in the Outer Banks .... the sisters that own it are inspiring.

Ahhhhhhh ...

Things I Can't Get Into No Matter How Hard I Try

2010-10-25T21:14:00.004-04:00

1.) Films - I like movies, not films. Now I'm not saying I've never liked a foreign language film or something that won an Oscar, but for the most part you won't see me at the Ritz. Ritz Carlton maybe, but the Ritz 5 in Philly? No way! Stuff I thought sucked horribly: Michael Clayton, There Will be Blood (or should I say, Snoring?), The English Patient, Rachel Getting Married, Glengarry Glen Ross. Zzzzzzzzzzzz

2.) Sneakers -- They're for exercising, and that's it. Why would anyone want to wear sneakers when there are so many better options available? Comfort doesn't count.

3.) Carrots - Raw or cooked, yuk. They look so good and they're so good for you, but something about them just doesn't gel. I keep trying them in hopes this one will change, but so far no go.

4.) NPR - Where is this on the dial? Is it a number that's below 88 or on AM? I don't know, but it's somewhere that my radio can't find. I have indeed listened to it before, but basically this one kinda falls into the same category as #1 (Films) for me.

5.) Donating Blood -- I'm ashamed to admit to this one because it's such an important thing to do, but it's true. The needle makes me hyperventilate and want to throw up. Sorry, but it's just not happening.

6.) Easter -- I just don't like it. I know it's the holiest of holy days and my parents would be so disappointed to know how much I loathe Easter, but I do. It's on a Sunday, the decorations and colors suck, it's not a work holiday and all of the rabbits, eggs and fake grass in baskets? Nope. Perhaps my love of Christmas will make up for this one.

7.) Small hair -- True evidence that this girl is a child of the 80s. Stepping away from the can of Aqua Net seems to be working out nicely, but still ... I like it long and big. Nuff said.

8.) Starbucks -- Their overpriced and bitter coffee sucks. Perhaps this shouldn't be on this list because I'm not trying very hard to get into it. At all.

9.) Going barefoot -- Having anything touch the bottom of my foot other than my sock or shoe is just not appealing. I don't want to feel grass or sand between my toes, and I don't want tiny crumbs or pebbles sticking to the bottom of my feet. Barefoot on the beach is a little different only because wearing shoes is totally fruitless -- the sand gets in your shoe anyway, so you may as well take it off. Foot hangups, you think? This is just the tip of the iceberg. Don't even get me started on "mandals."

10.) Reading the newspaper -- This is weird and maybe slightly OCDish, but I find the whole experience of reading a newspaper to be completely annoying. Here's why: the paper is dirty and gets all over your hands, it's too humongous (about 3 feet wide and 2 feet tall with the whole thing opened up), tiny print, um .... kinda boring (not too many pictures), and it makes a ton of dirty trash that I get fined for if I forget and throw in the wrong trash can. If someone points out an article, I'll clip and read, Other than that, I get the Sunday paper for Coupons and Travel section only.

Puled Pork Recipe ... sort of

2010-10-24T15:13:00.003-04:00

Lora, you requested my pulled pork recipe, so here's the closest thing I can find to resemble what I do. The following recipe is from Good Housekeeping and my mother makes it all the time. As is, it's quite delicious. Unfortunately, I'm not a measurer or recipe follower -- I read a bunch of them, then kinda make up my own. Here are some of my notes and tweaks to the recipe ... followed by the recipe:

Esposito's has THE BEST pork loin anywhere. It's worth the trip.
Swap the sweet paprika for smoked
More onion ... cut small
Swap ketchup for a bottled BBQ sauce (I hate ketchup and think it should be outlawed!)
A few splashes of hot sauce
Put the onions on the bottom when you start cooking ... it helps to keep the meat from scorching and the sauce from sticking
At the end if the sauce isn't thick enough, I stir in a mixture of cornstarch and water to thicken it up .... maybe 1/3 of a cup-ish

Pulled Pork BBQ for the Slow Cooker
1 medium onion, chopped
1/2 cup(s) ketchup
1/3 cup(s) cider vinegar
1/4 cup(s) packed brown sugar
1/4 cup(s) tomato paste
2 tablespoon(s) sweet paprika
2 tablespoon(s) Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoon(s) yellow mustard
1 1/2 teaspoon(s) salt
1 1/4 teaspoon(s) ground black pepper
4 pound(s) boneless pork shoulder blade roast (fresh pork butt), cut into 4 pieces

Directions
In 4 1/2- to 6-quart slow-cooker pot, stir onion, ketchup, vinegar, brown sugar, tomato paste, paprika, Worcestershire, mustard, salt, and pepper until combined. Add pork to sauce mixture and turn to coat well with sauce.
Cover slow cooker with lid and cook pork mixture on low setting as manufacturer directs, 8 to 10 hours or until pork is very tender.
With tongs, transfer pork to large bowl. Turn setting on slow cooker to high; cover and heat sauce to boiling to thicken and reduce slightly.
While sauce boils, with 2 forks, pull pork into shreds. Return shredded pork to slow cooker and toss with sauce to combine. Cover slow cooker and heat through on high setting if necessary.
Spoon pork mixture onto bottom of sandwich buns; replace tops of buns. Serve sandwiches with pickles, potato chips, and hot sauce if you like.

Random thoughts from a random blogger

2010-10-17T09:29:00.008-04:00

Some random thoughts for my blogging re-debut:

Despite having zero athletic ability, I am totally addicted to watching sports. This includes but is not limited to: football (pro and college), Phillies baseball, any Olympic competition, bull riding, those timber-cutting contests with big axe-weilding burly guys, NASCAR, winter sports (especially downhill and snowboarding), college basketball, the Tour de France, and one of the most notoriously boring sports of all .... golf.

The best mascara ever invented is Loreal Beauty Tubes. This is why I no longer walk around looking like Alice Cooper, with big black smudges around my eyes.

Nobody, no matter how perfect their body is, should wear bubble dresses. They are unflattering and ugly. Ever see a woman with her skirt inadvertently tucked up in her underwear? Yep, that's the look of a bubble dress.

And the kitchen MVP award goes to ...... the crock pot. Or should I say crock potS. Three of them, in fact. One round, one oval, and one small. Some people only haul them out in the fall and winter, but my crock pots get a year-round workout. (Below: Pulled pork ... a fave)

My DVR is already set to record Oprah's show on October 29 which is a reunion of the original cast of The Sound of Music. Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer, all 7 kids, other cast members and some members of the Von Trapp family are going to be on the show. AND .... they're going to sing. Too bad Oprah's gonna be on the show too.

The Wii fit is worthless. It's a total pipe-dream to think you're going to get fit standing in front of your TV pretending to hula hoop. Sorry. I tried it and it doesn't work. Sure it's better than sitting on the couch watching people pretend to hula hoop, but it's not really exercise.

And speaking of the couch ..... I am in a battle with the store that sold me my sofa. It has fitted slipcovers, and they shorted me one. The middle back cushion is missing a cover (note: in picture below blanket is not just there for decoration keeping feet warm). Damn it. And they don't want to send me the cover ..... they thing I should spend $300 for a brand new set. I have 2 words for that: Fuck you.

Fantasy football rocks; however, my teams suck this year. My friend Schue and I own Team Caca, and every year we're in the playoffs but this year I think we're pretty firmly in last place in our division. And in the Pigskin Estrogen league that my friend Truff started, Team Disco Bubbles started out mahvelously, but is quickly sliding to the bottom of the heap. Oh well, it's still fun and I love plotting and strategizing. It also makes watching the games fun.

No Wiggle

2010-03-30T23:35:00.004-04:00

What is it that has brought me out of a 2-month blogging hiatus? Not insomnia and not a burst of creativity, but it was the purchase of a new toilet seat.

So as I was cleaning the bathroom with that toilet duck stuff, I squirted it all over the place by accident and it ate the enamel off my toilet seat. It was left looking really weird and dirty, so of course, I headed to Lowe's for a replacement seat.

Pondering the selection of toilet seats, I quickly ruled out the cushiony one and the clear blue one with an aquarium motif. Finally, I selected a standard seat with one feature that I'd never seen before: "no wiggle."

Funny, huh? But it made sense to me. How gross is it to sit down on the seat and have it slide around, forcing your naked bum to touch some gross part of the bowl that should never be touched by bare skin? Seemed like a smart purchase, but come to find out it has a flaw.

Not a flaw for us girls, but apparently the "no wiggles" toilet seat doesn't stay up when men try to put the seat up. Personally, I consider this a "feature" rather than a "bug", but I can understand why it may be shocking to be a man in midstream and experience a big toilet seat collapse.

So Dave tells me that after 3 weeks, the toilet seat is still not staying up and he thinks it's defective. I shared that the only reason I could think to cause it would be this "no wiggle" thing.

Now, he is convinced that "no wiggle" really means the toilet seat is made for women, not men. That the toilet seat manufacturer found a humorous way of saying "this toilet seat is meant to flop down, so keep your wiggle out of the way!" He REALLY believes this!!

Seriously, I crack up every time I think of it.

Randomness

2010-01-28T06:44:00.010-05:00

Time to do some mattress shopping. I keep hearing good things about "memory foam", but just the name of it has me a little perplexed. What confuses me is the term "memory." If I leave a big ass dent in the bed, why would I want my mattress to remember that? Seems like "amnesia foam" would be better, so every time you get in bed it's just like new.

"The Devil Went Down to Georgia" came on the radio one night this week during my drive home from work. I'm a rather scary person when that song is on. Why? I know all the words and even singalong to the fiddle competition parts? Weird.

I really like Lady Gaga, but kinda think "she" might be a "he." Anybody else (aside from all the tabloids) with me on this one?

Sorry, but enough of Susan Boyle. So an aesthetically challenged woman can sing ... she may have a CD out, but I've only ever heard her sing the same song over and over again. And it's not even her song.

For years of my life, I always wanted to wear glasses. Over the last month, I've come to the realization that the day when I'll actually need them is fast-approaching.

At long last, I'm finally naming my official fake BFF. And the award goes to (drum roll please) ...... Chelsea Handler. I watch her show all the time and just love her down to earth, smart sense of humor. Yeah yeah, rumor has it she slept around and has/had a drinking problem. I don't care, I think she's funny. She's written a couple of books which I'm sure are hilarious. I'll be picking up this one to read on my trip to Kentucky this week.

And speaking of books, sitting in the car dealership this week waiting for my car inspection to be done, David Sedaris had me cracking up. Better than cracking up -- big, uncontrollable belly laughs. If I'd judged this book by the cover, I would've totally missed out of this piece of hilariousness!!! I'm not an NPR kind of gal, so I never listened to him there, but I'll certainly be reading all the rest of his stuff. He's a good candidate for my club of fake BFFs.

I've been watching "The United States of Tara" on Showtime OnDemand. Toni Collette is a very talented actress, and have thought so since I first saw her in "Muriel's Wedding" years ago. She's been good in everything I've seen her in, including this show. She plays a woman with multiple personalities, and John Corbett (Aidan from "Sex and the City") plays her husband. They've got 2 kooky kids, and the multiple personalities are just hilarious. Check it out if you haven't already.

My favorite car was a Toyota Tercel wagon that my parents gave me to drive in college -- aka "The Bus." I had 3 Toyotas after that and never had a day's worth of trouble with any of them. Am sorry that Toyota's having this gas pedal problem, but am confident they'll fix it and weather the storm. Anybody remember "The Bus?"

Two words I loathe: Democrats and Republicans. Where's the word for "think-for-yourself-ers?" I'll leave my soapbox in the corner, but it seems common sense and flexibility fly right out the window when a political label is too firmly affixed.

In the Kitchen With Me

2010-01-24T12:59:00.003-05:00

Recently, I ran across a recipe in a magazine for "Buffalo Chicken Meatballs" which caught my eye. No messy fryers, skip the fattening skin, but yet you still get that delicious buffalo-y bleu cheese and celery taste. The name of the magazine and the recipe have eluded me, but it really didn't seem that diffcult to make something on my own, so this afternoon I gave it a whirl. These things turned out to be quite tasty, and will most certainly be added to my appetizer repertoire.

Unfortunately, I never measure anything so these amounts are approximate -- proceed with caution if you're a measurement freak.

Buffalo Chicken Meatballs

1 package (~1 lb) ground chicken
1 egg
1/4 c bleu cheese crumbles
1/4 small onion, finely minced
1/2 rib celery, minced (I made fine slices with the mandoline, then ran the knife through to make it even smaller ... looking for flavor without the texture)
pinch of kosher salt

fresh cracker pepper, a generous dousing

2 heaping spoonfuls of Maries Bleu Cheese Dressing
2 heaping spoonfuls of sour cream
2 tbls butter
1/3 c Frank's Red Hot sauce

Preheat oven to 350. (I baked the meatballs to avoid the calories and mess of frying, but you could do it either way.) In a mixing bowl, combine the first 8 ingredients , but only a pinch of the celery. Reserve the rest for later to add to the dipping sauce. I also added a few splashes of hot sauce to the meatball mixture, but the 1/3 c is really for the sauce which comes later. Mush it all together, then form into appetizer sized meatballs.

Bake for 30-40 minutes.

While the meatballs are cooking, make the dipping sauce in a small bowl for dip (duh, what else would you put dip in?) Add: bleu cheese dressing, sour cream, the rest of the celery, and more fresh cracked pepper. Stir and refrigerate.

When the meatballs are done, melt butter and hot sauce in a small saucepan. Pour sauce over meatballs, toss until well-coated, then serve with diping sauce.

Makes 18 meatballs.

Love It or Shove It - TV Edition

2010-01-19T06:26:00.007-05:00

Love it .... Tom Brokaw has a new show that's very reminiscent of "On the Road with Charles Kuralt" which was always a fave. I forget what it's called or what channel it came on, but he drove cross country in an RV, stopping at random places and telling random stories.

Shove it .... Pop-up advertisements. It started as a small, subtle and sometimes translucent logo tucked in the corner of the screen. OK, not so bad. Now, in the middle of every show there are major advertisements popping up in the middle of the screen ... as if commercials aren't enough. TNT might be the worst, with Kyra Segwick climbing out of the corner of the screen with a flashlight once every couple of minutes. So annoying!

Love it .... Funny lines from "Jersey Shore." Yes, I'm hooked on this hilariosity. "She's a 5 stage clinga" .... "Don't worry, I'm not clown her out" .... "Grenade" ... "She came chah-gin' at me like some kinda hippo" .... and the list goes on.

Love it .... new cast of Project Runway.

Shove it ... I've said it before and I'll say it again: Boo hiss to the creepy sunglass guy from CSI Miami.

Shove it ... Conan AND Jay. Not that I'm awake late enough to watch either of you, but if I were I'd watch Letterman.

and finally,

Love it ... DVR. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: no tape storage necessary ... can watch an hour show in 30 mins .... skip the commercials! .... when nothing's on you always have something for me to watch ... can record series so I don't have to remember to set you every week.

In the Kitchen with Me

2010-01-17T15:19:00.007-05:00

One of my favorite rooms in the house is my kitchen. In fact, I think I've come to realize that I love to cook more than I love to eat. All of the kitchen gadgets, different ingredients, recipes, serveware, stores ... I really do love everything about it. Admittedly, I'm a foodie through and through.

So I think I'm going to start sharing some of my kitchen observations, tips and recipes on a regular basis. And since it's a rainy Sunday with football on the tube, it seems natural that I'd be piddling around the in the kitchen.

Here are some of my random food thoughts and observations:

Boneless skinless chicken breasts are perhaps the most boring and tasteless food in existence, even worse than iceberg lettuce. Doesn't matter what you do with them, they really are a waste of stomach space. I'm much more a fan of a boneless, skinless thigh if I have to eat chicken. There are so many interesting things you can do with them (will have to share in my next installment of "In the Kitchen with Me").

And speaking of chicken, food on bones kinda turns me off. Doesn't mean I won't eat it, but cavemanning my food from a carcas isn't necessarily an enjoyable experience -- even if it tastes good.

I'm on a truffle kick. Everywhere I turn in my kitchen there's something with a truffle in it. Truffle salt & pepper, black truffle oil, sottocenere (delicious truffle cheese from DiBruno's), and Cremere di Tartufo (a truffle-infused spread for bread).

A framed copy of this picture is hanging in my kitchen:

My friend Kelly took this picture for the family cookbook I assembled last year. It's my Butternut Squash Soup. The spoon is from my grandmother's silverware set that she left to me. I really love this picture! Thanks Kelly!!!

So moving along ....

What's exciting about baking soda, baking powder, flour and sugar? Nothing. All baking recipes pretty much call for the same 6 ingredients added in different quantities or sequencing. Baking is too much like chemistry -- not for me.

Rice cookers seem like a waste of money and space. Some magazine I was reading reported rice cookers to be the #1 rated favorite kitchen appliance, and I thought "Wow, really???" You can cook rice in a regular pan. Why get a space hog the size of a crock pot just to make rice? Maybe if I liked rice I'd feel differently.

On the other hand, here are some items I cannot do without in the kitchen: crock pot, silicon spatula (which is used for everything), aluminum foil, salt & pepper mills, 1 hard anodized nonstick pan for cooking pretty much everything, the immersion blender, and last but not least ... my santoku knife.

A confession: it all started with some innocent channel surfing, and before I knew it QVC had me on hold. Yes, I admit it -- I bought something from QVC. There's a show on Sundays called "In the Kitchen with ___ " (Dave or Bob or somebody), and it features all kinds of kitchen products. I like to flip past it to see what's new, but I never buy anything -- until I discovered this: a line of ovenware called "Temptations." I didn't have any nice casserole dishes, and the more I watched the more I got sucked in. The thing is, I love this stuff! I'm throwing away every glass baking dish I own. It's functional, pretty, easy to clean and comes with trivets, serving racks, covers and I even got a carrying case for my set. (Not to mention, it was very affordable.) I will stop short of calling the QVC testimonial line to sing the praises of my new ovenware, but really if you need anything like this -- it's awesome.

For some reason, I've not been able to get and keep a can opener for more than about a month for the last 10 years -- not something you'd normally consider a high "wear and tear" item. It wasn't until I found "The Toucan" at Target, that my can opener curse ended.

When it comes to cooking, I'm a complete Type A, Control Freak, Virgo, Anal Retentive, whatever-you-wanna-call me. (Who me?? nahhhhhh!!) Anyway, I like to use good ingredients, make sure everything is properly chopped and cooked, it's gotta be appetizing to the eye, and of course ... delicious. I have no idea how my friend Schue cooks with me in the kitchen for my Christmas party, because I know I'm a huge pain in the ass. But she does, and I appreciate it.

Pork is, hands-down, my favorite protein.

Clean as you go ... a must. There is absolutely no need to soak dishes -- only on the rarest of rare occasions (like 3 times a year if you're wondering what I mean by "rare"). Finding soaking dishes in my sink actually makes me spin into a rage. I can't stand to see a dish filled with cold, greasy water and food particles floating around in it. YUCK!! I've been telling DD to stop soaking things, and he's refuses to listen. The next time he does it, I'm tempted to pour the "soak" into his bedroom slipper. "Soaking" is another way of saying "I'm too lazy to do the dishes." I don't care if you don't do the dishes (I actually like doing dishes), but DO NOT fill them up with water and leave them for me.

And to end with a positive thought ...

Coffee made with fresh ground beans is the only way to go. The smell and taste are the perfect way to start any day.

Nightmares

2010-01-14T07:43:00.004-05:00

"Criminal Minds" is one of my favorite shows on TV, but last night's episode left me with nightmares.

Instead of my dreams being filled with visions of sugarplums and Shemar .....

I was haunted by images of the creepy corpse-like human "dolls."

Creepy creepy creepy!!!!

The Woeful Shoe Shopper

2010-01-10T12:28:00.007-05:00

Dear people who make women's shoes:

Not every woman buying shoes is a stripper. Some of us are clumsy and want our big Fred Flinstone toes to feel comfortable in our shoes. We also need to wear shoes that are appropriate for jobs that don't involve swinging on a pole. As much as we love sparkles, could you please give us options that don't have sequins ...

ruffles .....

lucite .....

gladiator straps .... (which are sometimes cute, but always synonmous with blisters)

ties that go up to your knee ....

or big metallic studs? (Please see "gladiator straps")

I'd also like to mention that wearing ginormous heels makes me too tall. If I wanted to be that high up in the air, I'd get on a ladder ... not strap it to my foot.

Where are the shoes that have a modest heel, in normal colors, and are stylish but not over-the-top? Because I went shoe shopping yesterday and was actually quite sad to find that the choices are pretty much limited to stripper heels or ballerina flats.

On a positive note, I'll say that you're making some nice boots. But please, get the shoe thing together.

Sincerely,

Desperately Seeking a Good Shoe

Cheers and Jeers

2010-01-07T22:45:00.001-05:00

When I was growing up my parents had a subscription to TV Guide. This was long before the scrolling program guide or OnDemand. Obviously. Our TV was about the size of a smart car and got all 13 channels quite clearly, so it made sense to know what was going to be showing ... especially since those were the days where you had to get up to change the channel or adjust the volume. Nobody wanted to stand around turning the dial while a roomful of people yay'd or nay'd at the screen. In those days, a TV Guide was essential.

So there'd be a big fight over the TV Guide as soon as it came in the mail. My mother would be after the crossword puzzle, I liked the celebrity stories and to find "Afterschool Specials", and my Dad needed to know when all of the sporting events would be on. Sorry Laura, I don't remember if you were part of the weekly race to steal the TV guide. If you were, one of us always beat you to it.

Another feature of TV Guide that I always read was "Cheers and Jeers." What a great idea and a perfect way for me to be sure to know what was cool or not. TV Guide was there to help me! (By the way, all of this went out the window when "Tiger Beat" and "Dynamite" found their way to my Peapod!)

So in the honor of my childhood memory of the "Cheers and Jeers" column in the now all-but-defunct paperbacked "TV Guide", I will continue in the footsteps of this beloved piece of groundbreaking journalism with my own version: "Love It or Shove It?"

Here are my first couple of items:

SHOVE IT ... soy nuts. I don't care how healthy you are or what kind of flavored powder you're rolled in. You taste terrible.

LOVE IT ... the month of January. You know, January isn't such a bad month. Isn't it kind of nice to be able to relax inside and enjoy your home without feeling compelled to be out doing something? Personally, I enjoy a month of hibernation after the hectic pace of fall which avalanches into the holiday swirl. Plus, January has 2 vacation days -- always a good thing in my book.

Queen for Another Year

2010-01-06T21:31:00.003-05:00

No writings from the Peapod in ages, but I'm back in 2010! (Are those rounds of applause I hear??) Lots of things I've been wanting to write about, but time's been short and blah blah blah. So I start off my writings for the year, not with my usual snarkiness but with some positiveness. Let's get this year started off on the right foot before I drive us into a ditch!

Anyway .... so over the last 3 weeks I've been reminded that it actually pays to spend some time writing. I sent Christmas cards, which makes me feel better since I miss EVERYONE'S birthday.

Then came my outreach to Brabantia Customer Service. Who is Brabantia you ask? They are the people that suckered me into buying an overpriced, but very cool kitchen trash can 8 years ago right after I bought my house.

So the fancy lid broke, and I searched online for a replacement but had a difficult time finding one except for a site in the UK that would sell it and ship to me for $50. I almost ordered it just because it was easy, but instead I sent a letter to Brabantia customer service to find out if I could get it somewhere in the USA. Voila ... they're sending me one for free AND apologized that it broke. Um, I've had it 8 years!!! I have a finger that didn't even make it that long before it broke! Thank you Brabantia. Next time I need a cool trash can, I'll look you up!

As if that wasn't enough! Then .......

I was nosing around the USAir website -- as I often do -- looking for travel bargains, when I noticed that I didn't fly enough miles last year to keep my Queen of the Airways status. And, let me tell you, this status is important. It means: free upgrades to 1st class (where they have free drinks and snacks), free standby, free bags, et cetera Et Cetera Et Cet e Ra!!! Forget the fact that most of my trips are on a 32 seater where the only options are cattle car or cargo -- for my few flights a year that offer 1st class, I must say ... I like it.

So I considered purchasing additional miles to maintain this status -- $200 wouldn't be bad for a year's worth of freebies that would make hours of travel more pleasurable. But before I did it, I wrote to USAir to make sure those miles would count towards keeping my crown. I heard nothing for 2 weeks. Then, I got a phone call at work -- I'd been "selected by [their] Marketing Department" to have my little perks extended for another year. Yahooey.

The moral of the story is: it pays to write and ask questions before you buy.

I saved $250 by writing to these Customer Service departments. Look out email boxes everywhere ..... I'm coming to a Customer Service Department near you soon!!! But be not afraid, if you are good to me I will send you a thank you note and then write nice things about you on my blog.

Cow Chip Bingo

2009-10-02T21:11:00.008-04:00

OK, here's a new one.

Was having a few happy hour cocktails with some friends this evening when I innocently asked "so what are you guys up to this weekend?"

"Oh, tomorrow we're going to Cow Chip Bingo."

I thought they said "Couch Bingo," ... so naturally I replied "now that's my kind of sport!"

As the conversation unfolded, I learned it is indeed -- neither a couch nor a traditional bingo. Discuss!

The way it goes is this:

there are some blocks in a rather sketchy neighborhood in southwest Philly roped off for a street festival

a playground in the midst of it all is also blocked off

the playground is turned into a "bingo board"

~4,000 blocks are sold for $20 each .... all for charity, but the winner gets $20,000

the faux bingo board slash playground is roped off, and a cow is let loose within the perimeter to walk around on top of the bingo blocks

the cow is given 2 hours to poop on a bingo block

wherever he/she poops --- first poop -- winner gets $20,000

pee doesn't count

if the poop straddles a block (not landing within a single block), then lots of rules apply. It all depends on which block has more poop (and there are rules about how many centimeters of poop have to be on each block) -- the prize may be split depending on how/where it lands.

if the cow doesn't poop on a bingo block after 2 hours, 4 numbers are drawn and each ticket holder wins $5,000

Is this crazy or is it just me? We're not talking cattle-breeding Texas-longhorn country -- this is Southwest Philly!!!

If I weren't going to Maryland tomorrow, I'd be there with my camera!

Good Lisa vs. Bad Lisa

2009-09-28T07:37:00.004-04:00

On May 6, I started on a big exercise kick. Joined the gym, went every day, got a trainer, watched diet -- the whole nine yards. I was very diligent until about mid-summer when I took a trip to Vegas. After that, I went away for business, then pleasure, then more pleasure, then a birthday, a holiday and so on. Self control? Not my strong suit. All of this amounted to about a 3 week hiatus from my regimen.

I've been trying to get back into it for the last few weeks, but am really having motivational problems. My goal is to run in a 5K on October 10, which is now less than 2 weeks away.

Seriously, I don't want to be one of those "hey, I hit the gym" kind of people, but the truth is this: if I don't tell everybody I know that I'm doing this, I could easily backslide from all my hard work and settle for a leisurely stroll 2 weeks from now. Nobody would know any different, except for me. That should be enough to motivate me, but apparently it isn't. Is it bad I have to threaten myself with shame and embarrassment? Probably, but hey ... whatever works.

So Facebook people who don't want to hear about my exercise -- block me. I need to be held accountable to do what I set out to do. I'm not an athlete, I hate exercise, and I loathe sweating. BUT .... I also hate gaining weight, feeling bad about myself, and having a huge rear end.

This time, Good Lisa is gonna win out.

Goodbye Funkalumpagus

2009-09-27T05:13:00.000-04:00

A Funkalumpagus. That's what I've been for the last week.

Here's what I'm gonna to launch "Operation: Snap Out of It":

Have my house to myself
Watch girl TV = no sports
Run further today than I did yesterday (goal is 2.5 miles)
Cook ... it relaxes me (stuffed shells for Sunday dinner, mini quiches to take to work for breakfast, meatballs to freeze, crabcakes for tonight)
Take pictures of what I cook for my cookbook
Read some of my magazines that are piling up, then throw them away
Make reservations for Sunday brunch -- this time it'll be dim sum in Chinatown
Throw away at least 2 bags of junk
Put new music on my iPod

I think that's a pretty good start.

Meddlers

2009-09-25T07:34:00.005-04:00

I was watching one of the morning news shows while getting ready for work this morning, and of course they were talking about the latest buzz on Mackenzie Phillips. She's apparently triggered a big family feud with her public announcement -- and you can't get much more public than talking to Oprah -- that she and her father had a sexual relationship.

Honestly, I need to wash my hands after merely typing those words.

Anyway, so now there's a family feud over this. The media start naming the pro-Mackenzie and anti-Mackenzie teams. Among her supporters are her sister China (or is it Chyna?), some other people, and then .... Dr. Drew.

Dr. Drew? He's not a relative. Why is he on a team?

I'll tell you why: because he's one of those people who loves to come out of the woodwork to offer "help" or an opinion during any kind of public controversy, event or crisis. Some folks always seem to be right in the middle -- others maybe just starred in one big outburst.

Some of the media whore-ific meddlers that come to mind (both past and present meddlers):

Dr. Drew
Rush Limbaugh
The Dynamic Duo of Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton
Jane "tank girl" Fonda
Oprah (I kinda like her, but let's face it .... she's always right in the middle of everything)
Dr. Suzanne Somers (ie: her idiotic, unsolicited medical opinion on Swayze's chemo treament)
Michael Moore (in my top 10 list of aholes ... maybe even top 3) - he's a passive aggressive meddler; he'll wait and make his statement in the form of some one-sided, distorted piece of shit "documentary"
Tom Cruise - because he's so enlightened

OK, who am I missing?

Stop Grossing Me Out

2009-09-24T06:47:00.003-04:00

While I'm on the topic of "seasons", I've got another seasonal issue which I'm curious to find out if anyone else shares:

Why is it that when flu season rolls around, the media becomes obsessed with airing pictures and footage of people getting needles? Not just sitting in the doctor's office looking miserable, but close-up shots of needles penetrating the skin.

I HATE NEEDLES AND DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS. Please stop assaulting my eyeballs with these disturbing, nightmare-inducing images!!!

Nurses and doctors see this all the time, so it's probably no big deal to them. Well, I'm not a nurse or doctor, so spare me. I have a weak stomach and an irrational fear of needles and medical procedures, and don't need to see these things when I'm trying to relax.

I don't need to be coddled with images of cherry blossoms and 1-year old birthday parties, but seriously ....... please stop showing people getting needles in their arms!!!! Now!!!! It doesn't inspire me to call the doctor, it inspires me to throw up and change the channel.

This is not just annoying, it's vile.

It's great that flu shots are available, but we don't need to see the process in action.

Tis Not the Season

2009-09-23T06:28:00.003-04:00

Summer is over and a new season is here. Fall is a season for:

football
apples
boots
back to school
Oktoberfest
crockpots
hay rides

Notice some items not in that list? Like ..... Santa Claus, Jingle Bells?

Well, apparently 2 days ago on the first official day of Fall, the unofficial Christmas season also began. I was innocently watching some mindless TV when during a commercial break my ears were assaulted by the premature sound of jingle bells. The very next commercial featured a vaugely familiar "ho ho ho."

Apparently Disney and Royal Carribean don't understand the concept of fall. They want us to cancel fall this year and move right into Christmas. I'm okay with Christmas being the 5th season ... separate from the rest of winter ... but dammit, I want to enjoy fall for a few days before these clowns ruin it by ramming their Christmas sales down my throat and threatening to put coal in my stocking if I don't buy somebody a cruise package for Christmas.

In protest of their greediness and rushing the season, Disney and Royal Carribean will not be getting any business from me this year. Not that they would anyway, but this time it's an official boycott.

Summer Hiatus

2009-08-06T06:15:00.003-04:00

While I'm on my unplanned summer blogging hiatus, thought I'd share this gem with you from over at http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com/. This could easily be a picture of my family ....

Rock On ... Rock Out

2009-05-07T07:27:00.004-04:00

Much to my dismay, Creed has reunited to release a new album (do they still call them albums?) and go on tour this summer.

I don't care about the touring part, but I do care that my ears will be assaulted if I listen to the radio -- just as they were with this and this.

And what's with the Grateful Dead touring? How are they even still a band without Jerry Garcia? And who goes to those shows? I really don't get it.

There are, however, some tours that would interest me. Some are rumored, some are confirmed:

No Doubt - Go Gwen!!
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Yeah!!!!! One of my favorite bands of all time)
U2 - never saw them, so they're on my list
The Stones -- Saw them, would definitely go again. I know at least one person who probably would too. (Ahem ... Los?)

I would also like to see Il Divo perform, but they seem more appropos for Christmas-time, for some reason.

Stinker

2009-05-05T07:01:00.003-04:00

A funny thing happened yesterday in the hallways of my office ....

As usual, I took my daily post-lunch excursion to our little gift shop for a bottle of water and a tootsie pop. The return route from the gift shop takes me down a long, dark hallway where the restrooms are located. Yesterday was no exception. (I wonder why our building maintenance people think we don't need lighting in a bathroom hallway? Every other spot in the building is bathed in blinding fluorescence. Hmm.)

Anyway, the cleaning lady walked down the hall in front of me, then stopped and parked her cart in front of the men's room. Everybody out, time for the afternoon scrub-down. She knocked on the door, and then I heard her say:

"Hi Stinker!"

Whoa horsey!! Back that one up. Hi Stinker? Stinker!?!?!?!

That one stopped me dead in my tracks. I was far enough past the scene to know she wasn't talking to me, but I turned around to look nonetheless. There was, in fact, a man coming out of the bathroom. He looked at her, then looked at me.

Dude, I did NOT call you "Stinker." Can you see she has a cell phone up to her ear? I hope so. I like to think "Stinker" is the nickname for whomever was on the other end of that phone call, but am guessing Bathroom Man may have a been a bit taken aback by the putrid greeting, and was probably a bit embarrassed. I would've been.

In fact, MORTIFIED probably would've been my reaction to the perfect storm of name-calling: 1) at work, 2) loud and in public, 3) upon emerging from some of the nastiest bathrooms in the tri-state area. (Note: Being called 'stinker' at home or amongst friends would be fine ... I've been called worse.)

But at work I'd be pretty embarrassed. Would someone hear her and incorrectly deduce that I am the one with a mid-afternoon ritual that thoroughly pollutes the restrooms rendering them unusable without gas masks and full-on riot gear? God forbid!

Is that what he thought? Did it even phase him? When he sees me in the hallway will he think "there's the girl that probably thinks I stunk up the men's room and got busted by the cleaning lady?"

Calling All Dream Analysts

2009-05-04T07:02:00.003-04:00

The dream I had this morning is just too funny not to share. I know I won't do it justice because you really had to be in my head to see the visuals for the full effect, but here's a quickie recap:

So I was working in a gigantic high rise in Center City that looked like none that I've ever visited. Mirrored walls, funky music in the elevators .... much more Austin Powers than Liberty Place. It was fairly late at night, and for some reason everybody had to leave the building and go home at the same time.

I was pissed because Farrah Franklin (formerly of Destiny's Child) was holding up the line at the coat check while she and her entourage put on gigantic furry coats. Remember the big coats worn in "Coming to America" by the King of Zamunda and his family? Yeah, that's it. (She was probably in my dream because I watched an episode of "The Millionaire Matchmaker" yesterday afternoon where she was the featured millionairess looking for love.)

I patiently waited in the coat-check line with my "co-worker" Herbie. In non-dream life, Herbie a close friend from college whom I rarely get to see. I have no idea why he was in my dream ... go figure.

The coat check girl? One of my Facebook friends, Allison, who I have not seen since 7th grade. (Probably in my dream because I've spent too much time on Facebook lately.)

And to top of all off, Margaret Thatcher also made a cameo appearance in my dream. I was particularly annoyed with her because her coat had to be stored in a place where they needed one of those library ladders to get it. Then she moved v e r y v e r y s l o w l y, as she inspected her coat for any problems it may have incurred during it's stay in the plebe closet. The funniest thing about her was her hair was done up and molded into the shape of a crown and spray-painted silver. (Your guess is as good as mine on this one!)

Then my alarm clock went off and the crazy dream was over. Damn. I was actually enjoying that one.

Any dream analysts out there who wanna take a crack at that one?

I'm Doing an Indian Rain Dance

2009-05-03T10:32:00.004-04:00

Well, my Derby bets didn't pan out, but that's okay. I got to wear my fancy hat and it was an exciting race, nonetheless.

Moving on to today's plans ...... I have tickets to see the Phillies play the Mets this afternoon. Sounds great, eh? It would be, and I'd already be decked out in my Phillies gear walking down to the stadium to wander around for a few hours before the game, BUT ...

... it's 56degrees and rainy outside.

Boo hiss. What is it with me this weekend? I can't catch a break.

At this point, I'm crossing my fingers for an all out downpour so they cancel the game before I even think about whether I should bother going to the ballpark. Even if it doesn't downpour, it's going to be rainy and cold all day.

The big question is: Will it rain hard enough for them to cancel the game?

The forecast says increasing rain throughout the afternoon, but I really need for it to begin by noon and be really heavy. With thunder, lightning, and hail. Worst case scenario is that it continues to drizzle, just enough to play the required innings and torture any fans devout enough to brave the weather. I don't think I'm that brave. I don't like sitting in cold rain.

If my luck over the past few days is any indication of what will happen, it'll keep drizzling on and off and the game will go on, as scheduled. There'll be no replacement ticket, and my choice will be: a) suck it up and watch the game in the rain; or b) stay home and forget about the tickets.

Here is my game plan:

I am now going outside to my backyard to do my best version of an Indian Rain Dance.
Next, I'll sit down at my piano and sing a round of "I hope raindrops don't start falling on my head."
And if all else fails, I'll opt for Plan B.

Betting on the Derby

2009-05-02T11:55:00.002-04:00

Today I'm going to be watching the Derby and betting on some horses. It's a little tough because there's no clear favorite, but that makes it quite interesting. For a better, it means better odds. I'm not trying to make a living from this, but it's fun to put a few dollars on the race.

Here are my Derby bets:

$1 Exacta Box (a $20 bet that 2 of these horses will finished 1st and 2nd)
6 - Friesan Fire
7 - Papa Clem
11 - Chocolate Candy
12 - General Quarters
15 - Dunkirk

$2 to Win, Place, Show (a $6 bet) on #11, Chocolate Candy.

10cent Superfecta Box (a $2.40 bet that these 4 horses will finish in the top 4 positions, in any order)
6 - Friesan Fire
11 - Chocolate Candy
15 - Dunkirk
19 - Desert Party

I'm not betting on Pioneer of the Nile (one of the top 2 contenders) because he's never raced on a dirt track and his times are compartively slow. Who knows, he could blow everybody away, but these reasons are good enough for me to rule him out.

By the way, I'm no handicapper and I don't have ESP (just ESPN). If you choose to make these bets along with me, don't complain to me if you lose your $28.40. But if you win ... well that's another story.

Chloe is a Loser

2009-05-02T07:05:00.005-04:00

Last night I went out to dinner with my friends Mira, Anthony, Sonj, and Scott to a restaurant in Old City (a section of Philadelphia) called Chloe BYOB.

None of us had ever been there but heard the food was excellent, and being a bunch of foodies we elected this spot for the gathering of our little dinner club.

There were some good points, which I'll share, but ultimately I will NEVER go back and will tell everyone I know and don't know they should never patronize this place.

The good:

The macaroni and cheese was the best I've ever had. Hands down, it was the #1 food choice at the table. It's baked and served in a little ramekin with a browned truffled crisp on the bottom of the dish. If you ever saw the episode of Top Chef where the guy made a truffle mac and cheese -- this was it.
The menu is small, but delicious, and there is a daily specials menu that will blow your socks off. We order a couple of appetizers that came a very close second to the mac and cheese.
One was a homemade gnocchi topped with a ragout of pork, beef and duck. The other appy we really liked was baked oysters topped with bacon, cheeses, and sumpin sumpin that tasted like a party in my mouth.
It's a BYOB, which I always love. We brough 5 bottles of wine plus a bottle of dessert wine. Scott picked out the dessert wine, Essentia, which was absolutely delicious. I'll be looking for that next time I'm at the liquor store.

The bad:

The ribs were terrible. I've had better ribs at Lone Star, where they fall off the bone. Not only did the meat not fall off the bone, but I felt like a savage beast trying to eat them. And not enough sauce on them to compensate for the extreme char. Very bad.
Some of the people at the table liked the salad, but I thought it was terrible (except for the goat cheese pancake on top.) It tasted like a pile of grass and didn't have any salad dressing on it. Terrible, as in inedible.

The Ugly (aka why I'll shout from the mountaintops not to go here):

We had barely finished our dessert and were drinking the last of our wine, when the owner/manager came over and asked us to leave. Um, what? We just spent $450 in your restaurant, we're not finished and you're asking us to leave? Yes, because people are waiting and they need the table.
To that, I say a big eff you!! There were open tables, and we weren't finished. And even if we were, why would you EVER treat your customers like that? Not only did they ask us to leave, but then they got nasty and indignant about it -- I thought there was gonna be a brawl in this teensy tiny place. We got up and left, with a few parting words outside that were not so nice. I was and still am completely baffled by this. Assholes.

See, the thing about dining in Philadelphia is this: there are hundreds of really excellent restaurants. Lots and lots of choices ... each one, better than the last. The competition is stiff, so it's not enough just to have good food, the service must also be impeccable. If the entire dining experience from top to bottom isn't flawless, there's no reason to ever go back.

I'm appalled by the way these people treated us after spending our time and money in their business. To her credit, our server was wonderful and very apologetic, but it wasn't enough to erase the major faux pas of the management.

So Chloe gets a unanimous 2 thumbs down. All of us agreed we'd never go back.

I'm Having A Little Temper Tantrum

2009-05-01T06:27:00.004-04:00

I'm having some serious motivational issues this morning. Everyone I work with in Kentucky is enjoying the Derby festivities, and today is the big Kentucky Oaks race. Most people are off, but I'm here in Philadelphia holding down the virtual fort.

Here are some things I'd rather do today instead of going to work:

Watch a car rust
Hang upside down from the clothesline (if I had one) by my toenails
Scrub the toilet
Go to the Walmart in South Philly (which, as you may know, is the most horrific place on the planet)
Get blood drawn
Watch CSI Miami (okay, I take that back)
Rub my face with a ball of cat fur
Touch a raw chicken
Walk into a random fart in the grocery store

OK, now that I've gotten that sorta out of my system it's time to suck it up and go. On the bright side, today is one of the few days I'll actually get to head out of the office for lunch. Sushi with Schue is always good.

Thank you for indulging me and my temper tantrum.

Flu Schmoo

2009-04-30T06:37:00.004-04:00

I'm all pandemicked out.

This swine flu hype is getting out of control. It's the flu and it's treatable. Yes, people can die from it .... just like the regular flu. Yes, people in more than one country have it ... just like the regular flu. Outbreaks at colleges? Yes, just like other stuff that goes around when people swap a lot of spit and live in close quarters.

This is actually a picture of people who are suspected of having swine flu. I mean seriously, take a Tamiflu and suck it up. Then stop touching dirty, sick pigs and for God's sake ... cover your mouth when you cough. By the looks of this picture you'd think they were being treated for the dreaded MOOBY FOOBY!!

Personally, I think driving on I-95 is scarier than any flu you could ever face.

Wasted Talent

2009-04-27T06:50:00.015-04:00

I have a secret to confess --- I am a closet Michael Jackson fan.

Not the Michael Jackson who serves Jesus juice to little boys and has completely disfigured himself. But I like his old music.

In fact, all of his music is old because he hasn't had much of a career in probably about 15 years. As I car-danced to "Shake Your Body Down to the Ground" the other day, I started thinking about wasted talent. Whether or not you're a Michael Jackson fan, I think it's safe to say that he was a talented performer, and he let it go in favor of ...... what, I'm not sure of.

Here are some other folks who have wasted their talent. They're all still alive, so who knows .... maybe some could make a come-back.

Amy Winehouse

She's a total mess, which is ashame because she's actually got a great voice.

Eddie Murphy

Back in the days of "Delirious", "Raw" and "Trading Places" he was one of the funniest people I've ever seen. Now, he's a one-trick pony. He first played a bunch of different characters in "Coming to America", which was hilarious. Unfortunately, he never evolved past that and his career is pretty much a dud. Very disappointing.

Elizabeth Taylor

Although her health has deteriorated and I'm sure it would difficult, if not impossible, for her to work now, she hasn't really done much of anything for about 35 years. Back in her heydey, she was great and I always hoped she'd make at least one great movie in my time.

Steve Perry - Journey

He had a hip replacement about 15 years ago, and somewhere along the line decided to leave the band. Apparently he got bent out of shape because he thought his band members were a little nosey about his health condition. That's a very good reason to give up your career and do, uh... nothing. And for the record, the impersonator who is touring with the band is awesome.

T.O.

You could argue that he hasn't wasted his talent because he still plays football and make millions. BUT, here's a guy that could've been a Hall of Famer, but decided to be a big a-hole instead. Even the Cowboys wouldn't keep him!! What does that say about him?

Whitney Houston

I keep hearing rumblings about a come-back, and I hope she does. I still think she has one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard .... let's hope she didn't ruin it with a crack pipe.

Winona Ryder

(She hasn't really done much since the whole shop-lifting thing, which is ashame. I've always thought she was a very talented young actress. Now she makes spot appearances on Star Trek ... a far cry from A-lister status.)

Spring Musings

2009-04-23T23:30:00.004-04:00

Some stream of conscious ramblings on Spring ....

Don't wear a wrap dress on a windy spring day. I can assure you when I was walking into the office this morning, I didn't look like Marilyn Monroe standing on the sidewalk over a subway vent. I looked like a girl who was mooning the folks huddling in the butt-hutt.

Watch out for worm corpses on the sidewalk after it rains. They've unthawed and they're slippery. Take it from experience that you could end up doing a sort-of split, which you didn't even know you could do in an outfit that you shouldn't be doing gymnastics in, if you're not careful. I didn't do that, but it could happen to you.

Don't try to come into my backyard if you're a 4-legged feline. I have booby-trapped my yard (again) and you WILL be sorry if you enter uninvited. I'm sick of your smells and messing up my garden. Assholes.

And if you're a squirrel, don't ever have squirrel-nooky on top of my grill again -- especially when I can see you from my kitchen window. I've replaced my grill cover because, well. just because.

One of my favorite spring-time dinners is a Maryland crab cake served with asparagus and white shoepeg corn or sliced fresh tomatoes. Note: if your crabcake has onions or peppers hanging out of it, it's not a Maryland crab cake. And if you put ketchup or cocktail sauce on your crabcake, don't even talk to me. The only acceptable acoutrements to a Maryland crabcake are worcestershire sauce and Saltines, and even that is pushing it.

The first pedicure of the season is especially unpleasant. First of all, my feet haven't seen the light of day since September so they're quite gnarly. Secondly, they've been unpaddled and un-primped for about 6 months, so they're ultra-sensitive. I'm already extremely ticklish, so when the girl goes to town on the bottom of my foot it takes every bit of restraint in my body not to kick her right in the teeth. Everybody else in the salon is always relaxed and reading a magazine. I need a strait jacket. Or a valium.

Cherry Blossoms -- Most people think "ah, how beautiful." I think that too, and in fact got to stroll around DC just when they were at their peak this year. Lovely. But the FIRST thing that comes to MY mind when I think about Cherry Blossoms is how our high school band use to march in the big Cherry Blosom parade every year. The parade was several hours long, and my mother would always pack me a juice box and some sliced apples to take with me. (Like I couldn't afford to skip a meal? Nuther topic for another day.) Problem was, there was nowhere to carry it -- except up in the top of my big gigantic Q-tip hat. Are you saying "Oh no you di-int!~?!?!?!?" I'm sayin "Oh yes, I did". I put it all in top of my big q-tip and marched through the streets of DC with my saxophone and a lopside hat filled with juice and apples. No wonder people made fun of me. And it was televised too.

Ranting & Raving

2009-03-28T18:45:00.000-04:00

Clear the decks and make a little space .... here comes the soapbox, so be forewarned. I think this is actually all rant and no rave, so maybe the title is inappropriate. Anyway, I've got a bitter taste in my mouth, and it's not because I've been eating eggplant that didn't properly soak prior to cooking,

Nobody got promoted to Senior Vice President of Flower Watering while I work my knuckles to the bone trying to resolve our nation's healthcare crisis. My car didn't get hit in the parking lot. My shoes match. No one snickered at me as I fell into the elevator and nearly knocked a girl half my size unconscious.

So, what's eating Barbra Peapod?

I'm sick of people crying about accountability .... "we have to hold THEM more accountable", "people need to be accountable." It's always something "they" need to do more of ... somebody else is never accountable enough.

The truth is, most people can't handle being held accountable. The hot seat is uncomfortable. It's much easier to claim to be a picked-on victim, or dismiss the server of accountability as judgmental. Horse shit, I say. Suck it up and take your medicine. That's what it is to be held accountable.

I'll tell you one thing, my boss is the master of holding people accountable. She's assertive, direct, open and honest. You never need to look over your shoulder to see if she's coming after you -- she'll be right in front of your face. I love it. I'm so grateful to have learned my skills from a pro.

The thing is, America says it's clamouring for "increased accountability" these days, but nobody thinks it applies to them. Accountability is for someone else. By the way, "increased accountability" is another one of those buzzphrases I hate.

Wanna know why people don't really want accountibility even though they say they do?

Because what it really means is that you get called out for being stupid. For doing bad work. For being irresponsible. For making bad decisions. It means confrontation. One person has to have the balls to say, out loud, to someone that what they did (or didn't do) sucked. It also means you have to accept the consequences for the impact you make on the world and people around you.

Personally, I think this is a great thing.

Accountability doesn't need to be done in a big meeting, and it doesn't take a team to do it. It's not just for work, it's for anything. What do people think -- that they can wander through the world doing whatever they want, however they want, wherever, whenever, and they don't have to accept the impact of their actions on anyone else? Fuck that.

In particular, Corporate America is full of a bunch of spineless windbags. "Accountability" is overstated and underserved. What I see in the news (and even at my own job) is that lots of people sugar-coat or turn their heads when something really should be addressed head-on.

You know, years ago I was working hard on a project and things weren't going well. It seemed the harder I worked, the worse things got. The customer was unhappy and no matter what I did, it didn't help. I explained to my old boss all of the things that were tried and the reasons they hadn't worked, and the barriers. You know what he said to me? He said, "You get paid for results, not effort." I knew that I had to figure it out or I'd be gone. And he was right.

Now THAT'S accountability. Right between the eyes.

So I changed my approach, figured it out, and things got better. I loved his message, even though it was hard to hear ... yes, you tried really hard, but it didn't cut the mustard. You don't have to work a zillion hours, you just have to produce results. Okay. So I vowed to work less and accomplish more, and it's actually worked out quite nicely.

So getting back to my bitterness, I'm sick of assholes not being held accountable. I'm sick of hearing people whine about wanting accountability, but not for themselves. Here's where I'd like to see some accountability:

Bad decisions "for political reasons" are self-serving, cowardly and a waste of hard-earned taxpayer dollars. People who make bad decisions for political reasons should be removed from their position.
People raping our welfare system by filing claims of "disability" so they never have to work again even though they are perfectly capable fucking enrages me -- and some of these people are my neighbors and acquaintances. Get off your stoop and go to work.
Octomom and her doctor should tarred and feathered. Need I say more?
People with bad credit who got high interest loans ... you agreed to the loan so pay it, and stop whining.

Who do you want to hold accountable? Serve it up, I say.

Bella Italia

2009-03-02T15:43:00.005-05:00

My parents and the dog came for a visit this weekend to go see the Philadelphia Flower Show. This year, the theme is "Bella Italia" and bella is the perfect word to describe what we saw.

Another word to describe it would be overcrowded, but I guess that's to be expected when you go on opening day. Anyhow, I got to test out the new camera and am pretty pleased with the way some of my shots came out. Keep in mind, I'm just graduating from a Spiderman disposable .....

What would an Italian themed flower show be without a pizza made from flowers?

Lots of displays with a fashion theme

I'm a freak for orange and warm lighting, so naturally this caught my eye.

I loved this centerpiece because it was made mostly with vegetables. Not that I'm a big vegetable freak, but it was pretty and unusual.

A display of purses

I took about a zillion pictures of this fashion display. They had dresses, hats (you can kinda see some of them to the right), shoes and purses. Simply stunning.

Made from leaves and vines. (My hair looks like this when it's windy out.)

Outdoor dining space. ahhhh

I have no idea what exactly this is, but it looked very cool. All of the stems were resting in water bottles.

The Atlantis display. Lots of mermaids and this guy.

This big gondola exhibit was in a display near the entrance. Beautiful, but the best was yet to come.

Lovely.

This is my favorite pic. The colors make me want to do the worm across the floor.

After I took this, a lady standing behind me commented on how beautiful my picture turned out. I think she may have been right.

Using a Bazooka to Kill a Mosquito

2009-02-27T15:06:00.003-05:00

Were you ever around someone who uses a particular word constantly, and once you take notice it just annoys the hell out of you?

Well, I've noticed a few buzzwords and phrases in the working world that I want to run over with my car. They've sprained my ears, blurred my vision and caused silent rage.

Here are my top 5 offenders:

"From a global perspective" = Nails on a chalkboard. It just sounds so lofty and ridiculous. Can we please come up with another way of relating the concepts of "big picture" or "overall?"
Utilize - this word should be banned from the English language. There's no need for it. "Use" means exactly the same thing, and it takes up less space and less time.
Components - This is frequently used to describe any parts of a greater whole. For example, instead of saying "we'll have talk about that topic later", someone might say "we'll have to address that component offline."
And speaking of "offline" ... let's not speak of it. Anymore.
Do you have a copy of the document? - Document is used to refer to any piece of paper .... and agenda, a memo, and chart, etc. Why can't you just call it what it is? (OK, not YOU personally .... but think of the word YOU from a more "global perspective" .... ack!) Because saying "send me the document" sounds better than "send me the agenda?" I don't know, but people love to refer to anything as a document. Personally, I'm a fan of specificity.

And here's a bonus extra: "Let's identify the disconnects." This is a combo offender. I probably hear the word "identify" about 300 times a day. It's the same as "find" or "figure out." And "disconnects" is a big way of saying problems, screw-ups, issues, etc.

I had a boss a few years ago that was particularly creative in his use of metaphor and non-traditional business communication. I miss that guy. Not only did I learn alot from observing and working with him, but he was easy to listen to and kept things interesting. One of my favorites was a line he said when telling somebody they were overdoing something -- "you don't need to build a space shuttle to get a glass of Tang." Pretty good, eh?

Inspired by his creativity, I told somebody the other day they were "using a bazooka to kill a mosquito."

Spring, Where Are You?

2009-02-23T23:05:00.011-05:00

I really hate those periods of time when it seems like death is looming in the air and lurking around every corner. Unfortunately, this seems to be one of those times. It makes the air feel heavy, like a mid-August day that's 105 degrees with 98% humidity.

Within the span of a week, I'll will attend a second funeral. The first was for the father of my dear friend, Linda. Although I didn't know him, I care very much about her and her family. I didn't know what to do other than show up and say I'm sorry. I sent flowers, which I rarely ever do, because they're sad flowers and smell like death. Not sure why, but for some reason I felt like sending flowers this time -- hopefully they cheered her up a little bit.

This Friday, I'll pay respects for a man from my neighborhood who lost his bout with the lung cancer that had travelled throughout his body. Tony was a very good, decent man -- the kind of person that humbled me just because of the kind of human he was. He was quiet, a veteran, and a true gentleman. I'll miss him, and it's sad to know there's one less good guy on the planet.

Others are sick, and I pray for them to be well. Sometimes I'm not sure anyone is anyone is listening, but just in case I say prayers anyway.

The news, on any given night, seems to leave me shaking my head in disbelief. The headline story is either a senseless murder or another nail in the coffin of our financial system. I know a bad economy isn't the same as losing a loved one, but even if you're not on the brink of financial ruin, it IS depressing to hear nothing but bad news day after day. Especially when people around you are sick and dying.

Anyway, I kept the prayer card from Linda's father's funeral service. The words were neither biblical verse nor traditional, eloquent poetry. Instead, it was the simplicity of the message that stuck with me:

When I am dead, cry for me a little.
Think of me sometimes, but not too much.
It is not good for you, or your wife, or your husband, or your children to allow your thoughts to dwell too long on the dead.
Think of me now and again as I was in life at some moment which it is pleasant to recall.
But not too long.
Leave me in peace as I shall leave you, too, in peace.
While you live, let your thoughts be with the living.

And so I will remember lost friends and loved ones, but I'll focus my energy on loving and cherishing those who are here. Focus on being a better daughter, sister, friend, colleague, person, neighbor, citizen, driver, pinao-player, blogger ... whatever. I can't control the ebb and flow of life and death. I can only control what I contribute, and since I'm not particularly happy with my contributions LTD (life-to-date), I'll work on stepping things up a notch or two.

I'm so thankful that spring is around the corner. Oh Spring, I hope you're around the corner! It's time for you to replace cold, grey, death with your sunshine, life, hope, and warmth.

Maybe I'm totally delusional to hang my hopes of renewed energy and spririt on a flip of the calendar page, but I don't care. Sometimes delusional is fun, and sometimes it's not fun but if it gets me through the lumps, then I'll take a Delusional Super-Sized to go, please.

I'd Like to Give the Academy a Big Razzie

2009-02-22T21:55:00.008-05:00

I hereby nominate the Academy Awards show for a Razzie Award. Those are the awards that acknowledge the worst of Hollywood each year. And this show, I'm here to tell you, is one of the worst things I've ever seen.

In all fairness, I haven't watched the entire thing. It's too unbearable, so I've been surfing for the last 2 hours. In 2 hours, I've yet to see one award presented. I've seen comedy sketches, tributes, singing and dancing (which I love, don't get me wrong) ..... but not one award. (Note: Since I wrote that an hour ago, I recently saw Heath Ledger's family accept his award, and a couple of others.)

My point being, most of the show is a big pile of poop and the whole thing could be done faster than one of you-know-who's famous 30-minute meals.

Here are some other Razzie's I'd like to give for worst of Hollywood:

Brangelina -- A cheater and a homewrecker, no matter how hot they are and how many kids they adopt.
Robin Williams -- Eternally Mork and one of the most un-funny people EVER. I did like a few of his more serious movies, such as Awakenings and Good Will Hunting.
Michael Moore & his movies -- I can't stand this guy. He's a self-righteous asshole that takes one side of a story and distorts it so far out of proportion I can only equate his movies to fun-house mirrors.
Cloris Leachman -- Please don't ever be on TV again. You stunk on Dancing With the Stars.
Paul Shaffer & the CBS Orchestra -- I know you're in New York, not Hollywood, but you get a Razzie from me for the annoying and stale riffs you play to introduce Dave's various sketches. They all sound exactly the same and end with a squealing trumpet. You're too talented to play the same thing every night.
Computerized visual effects that have taken over every movie, commercial, and show. Nothing even comes close to looking real anymore. Are stuntmen even needed?
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button -- I'll never see this movie because a.) the premise is stupid (it's a serious "Mork From Ork" for the big screen); and b.) Brad Pitt is a terrible actor; c.) that's a dumb name for a movie.
Rachel Ray -- You get a Razzie from me for talking like a 3-year old and never shutting up.
Any TV station that has annoying pop-ups that take up half the screen in the middle of a show.

OK, that's just the quick list. Maybe tomorrow I'll focus on stuff I like from Hollywood. I feel like I've been bitching a lot lately.

My Inner Angus Young

2009-02-20T06:49:00.005-05:00

Yesterday driving into the parking lot at work I broke one of my own rules -- don't blast music so loud everybody can hear it. Any other time it's okay, but it's not okay to pull up in the work lot with the volume up so high it can be heard through the car windows.

This rule was born a few years ago when I pulled up in my spot rapping along with Eminem to his "Controversy" song. Someone lurking in the spot across from me watched and listened to my best Eminem singalong as I checked my hair and make-up. Let's just say, the guy could rightfully question whether I know the difference between a tube of lipstick and a microphone. No, I couldn't just sing along ... I had to have dance moves, a microphone, facial expressions .... the whole nine yards. How embarrassing.

So after that day, I swore I'd keep a lid on it once I hit the work parking lot.

But yesterday morning, I was flipping the dial and ran across an old favorite -- AC/DCs "Back in Black." I've always loved this song, and it conjured up my inner 80s, head-banging, guitar hero. By all rights, I should've had to open the sunroof to let some of the noise out, but it was great ... even before 8am.

Can you imagine what all of the Dilbert's sitting in their cubicles looking into the parking lot would've thought if they'd seen a girl in her work duds doing Angus Young's famous one-legged hop across the parking lot, complete with air guitar and head-banging? That's what I wanted to do. Then I would've smashed my air guitar against my office door and set off some fireworks to close the show.

Instead I settled for the driver's seat rendition ... head-bobbing and scream-singing.

You Can't Be Sirius

2009-02-18T22:43:00.009-05:00

Personally, I think satellite radio is a big huge ripoff. Why pay for radio when you can get it free? I ended up with XM because it came with my car, and then I was able to continue for a year for $15.

I know, I know .... XM/Sirius doesn't have commercials and they have Howard Stern (like anyone cares anymore) and they play a bigger variety (translate: stuff no one has ever heard before, probably for a reason). Oh, and you can get the stations anywhere. I guess that might be nice if you live or drive alot in the middle of nowhere.

So, tonight on the way home from work I decided I want my $15 back. I heard the most awful song -- yes, even worse than Susudio and Mambo Number 5! It was called "Smack My Bitch Up." It sounded like a combo of 3 things: someone farting into a microphone, banging cymbals and screaming "Smackmybitchup!" The song may be new or it may be 20 years old ... I have no idea. But it was terrible. In fact, it was also worse than the song that was on before it ... Taco's "Puttin' On the Ritz."

No wonder XM's stock is 10 cents a share .... and plummeting.

Setting the Record Straight

2009-02-11T05:59:00.007-05:00

Way back in the olden days of 10th grade, my English teacher Mrs. Ohlsson accused me of cheating on our final exam. She was also the drama teacher, and had a reputation for being bitchy, moody, a little crazy and weird. Sounds par for the course for a drama teacher.

Up until this point, I actually kinda liked her. I could identify with bitchy, moody, crazy and weird. She didn't fit the mold of the other teachers and I didn't fit the mold of other students. . She wore big crazy scarves, and shoes that resembled those we all saw adorning the feet of the witch squashed by Dorothy's house. She wasn't the typical teacher shopping at Talbots -- perhaps she got some salvage from the costume rooom? I don't know. She was an odd combination of 80s-gypsy-Fame-wicked witch. Whatever that is.

So I liked this strange character, and I actually learned from her. She taught me a lot about writing for your audience and with a purpose. (Although it may seem, as you read this, that those lessons fell on deaf ears.) Honestly, she did her job so I guess overall the good outweighed the bad. But, I still haven't forgotten that she accused me of something I didn't do, and I'm not sure what reminded me of this, but decided to spend a minute setting the record straight.

The day before the test, she gave us the essay questions that would appear on the test. We'd have to pick one or two, and write. Simple enough. My brain churned, planning the whole essay in my head so I wouldn't be stuck with writer's block during the test. I did this kind of thing in college too ... preparing and researching without ever writing a thing until I knew what I'd write. Then in one fell swoop I'd bang out my 40 page term paper in 2 hours. The rest of the time I would spend editing. I always found editing to be most time-consuming.

So anyway, I'd prepared in my head and the next day took the test. Once the test started, I quickly tore a piece of paper out of my blue book, and downloaded my planned essay from my brain to the scrap paper. I edited, then when I was satisfied with my essay I copied it into my blue book and turned in my test.

Later at home, I answered the phone and it was Mrs. Ohlsson asking to speak to my mother. My mom picked up on another phone, but I lurked. Apparenty, I dropped the scrap paper with my draft essay on the ground and Mrs. Ohlsson found it.I remember feeling all of the blood rush out of my head and waves of anger running through my body as I heard her tell my mother "I'm sorry to tell you that Lisa cheated on her English exam." My mother was still asking questions when I hung up, sitting completely stunned in our kitchen, contemplating how this woman could possibly think I'd actually cheat.

I had NOT cheated on my test. In fact, I never cheated on a test my entire life. I never cared more about my test grade than the consequences of getting caught. First, it would draw attention to me (my worst fear in my high school years). Second, and maybe worse --- it would go on my Permanent Record. Yes, I was successfully brainwashed into believing all humans have a Permanent Record where every transgression is documented, following you on job interviews, dates, and everything ... for the rest of your life.

Over the next day or so, Mrs. Ohlsson gave me an "opportunity" to explain, but refused to believe me. She had no proof, but neither did I. My parents have never been the kind of people who refused to believe their little baby Disco Bubbles was infallible, but in this instance they stood by me.

All said and done, I was docked 2 letter grades for the (non)incident -- so I got a "C" on my essay. Bitch. I never forgot about that. Aside from accusing me of something I didn't do, I was equally bothered by the fact that she couldn't get her big crazy blonde head around the fact that I might actually be smart enough to have studied, planned and done a good job.

You're Quacking Me Up

2009-02-09T17:39:00.004-05:00

The grocery store seems to be a place where odd things happen to me. Remember my Trashpicking incident? I was reminded of another incident that happened back before the holidays when I saw my neighbor riding his bike this morning .....

So I was doing my regular grocery trip amidst the massive Saturday pre-holiday crowds (because Saturday morning is a very smart time to go grocery shopping if you want to avoid a crowd, right?) when I had a bizarre series of encounters.

As I rounded the spice aisle and headed for canned tomatoes, I couldn't help but notice a tall rather gruffy looking man watching me rather intently as I walked towards him. I smiled and kept walking, but as I passed him I heard this bizarre noise. It sounded something like a foofie, but not. Whatever. Who doesn't let one out by accident in the grocery store once in a while? Keep moving.

A few aisles later as I was contemplating oyster sauce in "International", I could see him coming towards me once again. As he passed I heard the same noise, and this time I'd figured it out ...
Holy moly, this man was quacking like a duck at me!!

It didn't sound like someone pronouncing the word "quack." Noooo .... imagine the sound a duck would make if you had it pinned to the ground with your shoe on its neck applying a massive amount of pressure, but not enough to silence it. Yeah, THAT'S the noise ..... not cute and funny. (Let me clarify ..... any form of quacking at a person in the grocery store is weird if you're not actually a duck. I'm not really sure what cute funny quacking would be. Maybe if it came from a 2 year old? Probably not. I'm not too fond of most of them either.)

Anyway, I made eye contact after the second quack, and realized it's a man who lives in my neighborhood. How embarrassing that I didn't recognize him. The truth is, every time I'd ever seen him he was sitting, either on a bike or a barstool. My assumption was that he was really short, but truthfully he's quite tall. Still embarrassing -- I'd talked to him before, but definitely don't remember any duck noises.

So I went about my business, and yet a third time I encountered him somewhere around shredded cheese. This time I said "Hi George." And he quacked at me again!!! I never knew George had such a bizarre sense of humor. What the hell, I'll quack back. So I quacked back at George then proceeded to checkout.

When I got home I told Dave (amidst a lot of hysterical laughter) how George kept quacking at me in the Shop Rite, and how I'd quacked back. It was the funniest trip to the store I'd had in a long time.

Then I found out he has Tourette's and quacks all the time. I'm a friggin dummy, but how funny is that?

I've Kept Them Afloat

2009-02-08T15:14:00.008-05:00

Here some companies and products whose companies should have no economic woes given the level of financial support I have contributed over the years:

Bounty Paper Towels - You're lucky I'm skeeved by dishtowels.

Comcast - You may be a rip off, but a day on the couch would be nothing without you.

Coor's Light - Although we're departed friends and I can support you no longer, I'm sure I drank more than 9 lives worth during my 20s and early 30s to assure financial stability for years to come.

CVS - aka Mecca

Espositos - Now THAT'S my kinda meat market!

L'Oreal -- Forget American Express, YOU are the one I never leave home without!!!

Macy's - Without you, I'd have to move to a nudist colony. That would suck ... for everyone involved.

Nine West -- My tootsies love you best!

Wawa - So good I could fall asleep in the parking lot.

Triscuits - There has been no other since I was introduced to Rosemary and Olive Oil.

State Farm - Like a good neighbor I've been with you for the last 15 years

Aqua Net - Never far from my mind ... literally

The Japanese Auto Industry - Toyota and Acura have been shuffling me all over the country since the day I rammed my Ford Mustang into the side of a gas station with no brakes.

Lists

2009-02-07T06:48:00.005-05:00

As an obsessive listmaker, I can appreciate the compulsion to make lists of anything and everything. I love making a list, so much I've got them all over the place. And any topic is fair game. My friend Schue knows me so well, she gave me a list for my birthday ... and I loved it!!

So there's the obvious stuff to list: things to get at the store, party guests to invite, books to read, Christmas cards to send, errands to run. And then there are some bizarre lists I've made: names I'd rather have other than Lisa, things I wanna be when I grow up, guys an unnamed friend has slept with, all 50 states in alphabetical order (oh yeah, that's one of my own "homemade" puzzles when no crossword is available; it's not a question of can I do it, it's how fast .... nerd!)

But there's one list I don't make. Never did. And this occurred to me as I was watching "The Bachelor" the other night. (Yes, I AM embarrassed to admit I watch this.) The girls go on individual or group dates with the guy, and at some point they have conversations that are just positively painful to watch. Never in my life have I had a conversation like the ones I hear on this show:

GIRL: "So, what qualities are you looking for in a wife? (and they ALL ask this)

(Guy whips out his invisible list which is memorized just as well as my alphabetized list of 50 states, and starts rattling off adjectives)

GUY: I want a girl who is funny, smart, outgoing, a good heart .... What do you want in a guy?

GIRL: (Repeats list back, then says) "You're everything I want in a guy. You're so amazing."

GUY: "You're amazing too."

I cringe when I watch this. People don't really talk to each other like this, do they? Please tell me they don't. Of all the lists I've made (and have yet to make) in my life, the mating checklist is not one of them.

Here's a list of reasons why I don't like the mating checklist:

1.) It's stifling. People get so hung up on their checklist, they stop seeing someone for what they are, and they focus on what they're not. Yes, I've known people who have walked away from a good thing because of an unchecked box. Hmm. Let's move on.

2.) The checklist pays no regard to balance. Yeah, you may be easy going and Mr. Go-With-The-Flow. So much you're a big lazy slob with no initiative. Or you may have a great job ... but be a complete workaholic. Maybe you're funny ... but only once a year.

Point being, saying you are _____ doesn't mean you are____, or in a good way.

3.) It's stupid. Grow up.

Don't Let the Door Hit Ya ....

2009-02-05T07:55:00.005-05:00

(nice sweater!)

Dear David & Victoria:

I hear David wants to leave the LA Galaxy and go play soccer for a team in Milan. This is probably a good idea since no one in this country really pays any attention to Major League Soccer anyway. Also, can you please take Tom and Katie with you?

And Vickie, no more come backs please. Your "band" sucked the first time around and you can't sing.

Sincerely,

babspeapod

Vegas Anyone?

2009-02-04T07:06:00.005-05:00

I think companies that are taking bailout money should have to account for every single penny of the handout they are accepting. Now, this is hardly a unique or genius opinion, but after hearing two stories on this morning's news I'm a little bit livid.

Wells Fargo took a $25 BILLION handout, and guess what they are -- rather, WERE -- planning to do with it? I'll tell you: They had planned to host a 2 night retreat in Vegas for 40 people. Rooms were booked at both the Wynn and the Encore hotels. Why? Because the employee recognition conference is a tradition and an important part of their culture. Now I'm not saying they shouldn't continue to recognize employees, but a freebie to the Wynn?? Couldn't they at least stay at Circus Circus, or something? Or better yet, do what my company does and skip the trip and give them free ice cream or a $5 coupon for lunch at the cafeteria. I mean, seriously. How can these people sleep at night? They're using my money and yours to book vacations. I want to use my money to book MY vacation!

As an aside and rather ironically, I was actually the benefactor of one of the lavish employee recognition trips sponsored by Wells Fargo, years ago. My sister won an employee recognition award, and they sent her and a guest (moi) on a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas. All expenses paid ... gifts ... off shore excursions .... posh posh posh.

Anyway, the second company I wanna punch in the face this morning is Citigroup. They took $35.6 BILLION (I keep capitalizing that word because it's so huge I can hardly even fathom it) in taxpayer money and guess what they had planned to do with $400MILLION of it? Again, I'll save you the research time. They were going to buy naming rights to the Mets' stadium.

Thankfully, both of these fiscally irresponsible giants have been shamed into "reconsidering" their use of bailout money. But, I can't help wondering what else is going on that we don't know about. Personally, I think any company that takes a bailout should have to detail how they plan to use all of the money before they get the check ... then, they should be required full disclosure of all accounting once they receive it. There should be reviewers assigned to monitor everything they're doing for a period of time going forward. Any inappropriate use of funds should carry severe civil and criminal penalties for the executive decision-makers.

I'm sorry, but how else do you hold them accountable to exercise appropriate discretion? Apparently, the honor system ain't working.

And no more bailouts until appropriate controls are in place.

The CLAMorous Life

2009-01-31T23:39:00.012-05:00

Yesterday I received a Lobstergram in the mail (as you may know from my previous post). It was a Lobster dinner/feast for two that my sister gave me for Christmas ... and it was fantastic.

Part of the dinner was a choice between clams, shrimp or mussels. I chose the clams. They arrived looking like this:

Yum! I steamed them in butter, garlic, parsley and white wine. Two dozen of them ... expecting them to turn out like this .....

Guess what? Ever hear of a geoduck? (It's pronouned "gooey duck") Well it's a type of clam, and it's the kind that arrived in my lobster dinner feast. So I cooked them up , and here's what they looked like ...

Imagine two dozen of these staring you in the face.

Goodies

2009-01-30T07:08:00.004-05:00

I've gone a little crazy with the online shopping over the past week. As a result, I've had a parade of delivery guys and a stack of pick-up slips on my front door. Well, "parade" and "stack"may be a slight exaggeration, but since I never really buy anything online it seems like a lot to me.

Anyway, here's what I've been finding on the world wide webmall:

Shampoo - My Mom left a near-empty bottle of her shampoo when she stayed over the holidays, so I decided to use the last of it before throwing the bottle away. It's a special shampoo that she used when her hair was growing back after chemo, and the label says it's for fine or thinning hair. I loved this stuff. My hair is very fine, and thankfully after my own bout with hair loss it's all grown back .... but, I dig this shampoo and want to keep using it. I couldn't find it in a regular retail store, but Amazon came through!

Camera - I've been taking pictures with the same Spiderman disposable for the last 2+ years and a digital camera that I got for Christmas about 8 years ago. I really do like to take pictures, so it was time to make an investment in something decent. Let's hope it's not too hard to use! I've been stalking this camera for about 2 months, and found it online for half the price of anywhere else. Nice!!

Curtains -- OK, so I didn't turn my house into a theatre and the curtains don't look anything like this, but I need curtains for the french doors in my bedroom. Thank you, Target!

Piano music -- I bought a piano over the holidays, which has been great. If you thought my blogging hiatus was long, it's nothing compared to the 25 year vacation I took from my first love. Not only am I pretty rusty on the ivories, but my music is terribly outdated. One book cover boasts that it includes "Everyone's Favorites" -- "What's Love Got to Do with It" and "Axel F" (you know, the theme song from "Beverly Hills Cop") Another book of "Today's Hits" contains the theme to "Hill Street Blues" and "Tomorrow" (from Annie). Now, the majority of what I play is classical music, but still .... it would be nice to have something a little more up to date. So what did I do? I ordered a book of 400 Broadway Show Tunes!! I CANNOT WAIT to have a big singalong party!!! (I know, it may just be Schue, my sister and I for that one!)

And the grand finale of deliveries .....

My sister gave me a Lobstergram for Christmas. Today, I'm working at home because the lobsters are live and have to be cooked the same day. The "Down East Feast" dinner for two contains:

Live Maine Lobsters

Lobster Bisque (I picked this over Clam Chowder)

Corn on the Cob (or potatoes)

Clams (shrimp or mussels are the other choices)

Bibs

Shell crackers

A lobster pot

Lemon

Butter

Thanks Laura ... I'm really excited to try this out, and will call to give a full report!!

Room 503

2009-01-24T10:05:00.003-05:00

I've been on an unplanned blogging hiatus for the last 2 months. Computer problems were overtaken by work travel ... then Christmas and party hostessing took center stage ... then de-Christmasing the house ... then back to work and now I've been mesmerized by the wonders of Facebook.

Anyway, enough of that. Here's a funny little story that happened this past week ...

I went to the doctor on Tuesday because I haven't been feeling too hot. After asking the usual littany of questions and looking a little puzzled about my mystery symptoms, the nurse instructed me:

"We want to collect a 'sample'. Go around the corner, down the hall to the last door on the right. Clean cups are in a basket on the floor. Urine room 503."

I nodded as she talked to me, trying to remember all of this stuff while contemplating why they keep the pee cups on the floor. At the end of these instructions, I replied "Okay, Urine Room 503. I'll be right back."

So I wandered down the hall, around the corner, down another hallway looking at the room numbers. Where was Urine Room 503? And what a weird name for a bathroom. There was a closed door which I thought might be it. I asked a passing nurse, just to confirm "Is this Urine Room 503?"

She replied "Yes, this is a bathroom."

So I did my thing and wandered back to my examination room. When I got to my room, I noticed a sign by the door "Room 503."

It occured to me, the nurse didn't send me to "Urine Room 503" ... she was telling me "You're in 503" so I'd know where to go when I returned.

Am I the only person who would've gotten that wrong? Duh!!!

The Spectacular is Spectacular

2008-11-24T07:34:00.003-05:00

Last week a lifelong dream was fulfilled -- I got to see the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall.

My friend Sandi had come for a visit back in November and mentioned how much her brother really loved the show when they went last year. She didn't seem particularly excited about it and said she probably wouldn't go back for a while, but I was salivating at the thought of all the glittery costume, high kicks, and Christmas regalia.

Lo and behold, Sandi had a change of heart and decided to take her kids and Mom for a day trip into the city to see the show -- and she invited me. (Thanks Sandi!) We went to a Tuesday afternoon matinee last week.

Not only was the show everything I wanted it to be, but I even got to see one of the Rockette's wipe out! Nice!

It was a great day, and Sandi's family is simply wonderful. Her kids are of the rare breed that I didn't mind dining with in a public. Her 4-year old son Aidan was charming as he flirted relentlessly with our waitress. Ava, at age 2, told me she was "fashion foward" and would behave "like a lady" in the restaurant -- it was all true!

Sandi, thanks for letting me join you for the day ... it was fantastic!

VICTORY!!!!

2008-11-02T09:44:00.005-05:00

This past week has been one for the books. Everybody knows the Phillies won the World Series, putting an end to whatever mythical curse has lurked around our city for the last 28 years.

Can I tell you how good it felt to be part of it all? (No, I'm not on the team ..... or one of the ball girls .... I wasn't even at the game.) But I watched almost all of the games from the beginning of the season. With each milestone that was reached, Phillies Phever grew. As a Philadelphia sports fan you get use to being disappointed -- better celebrate this milestone in tall fashion because the likelihood of making it to the next one is pretty much nil.

I drive past Citizen's Bank Park almost every day of my life on the way to and from work. On the first day of Game 5 I looked at the park from the highway and thought, there's good karma coming out of the that place .... this is it. This is the game that's gonna make history.

I was right in more ways than one. The big weird rainstorm rolled into town and shut things down in the middle of the 6th inning. Night one of Game 5 was indeed a night that made history, but in a way no one ever expected. It wasn't until 2 nights later that our team of heroes did it! I watched the game, barely breathing for at least the last 5 minutes of the game. In my heart I was convinced they'd win, but you just didn't know until the last strikeout came. And then all hell broke loose!

The scene in my South Philly neighborhood was unbelievable. Even the hardest of hard-nosed sports fans, people with skin thicker than shoe leather celebrated, cried, hugged and danced in the streets. It went on for hours. No, sorry .... it went on for days.

And so that's where I've been. Soaking it all in with my fellow Philadelphians.

Friday I got to go to the Championship Parade, and I'll never forget it. If you've never been surrounded by 3 million people who are nothing but happy and proud, then you've never experienced what's it's like to be a Philadelphia sports fan with a winning team.

The parade was incredible, and as the floats carrying our players, owners, managers, and announcers rolled by, I was right in the thick of it. This disco bubble was so excited I thought I'd nearly burst! My heart was pounding as I took pictures and Queen's "We are the Champions" blasted from the speakers at the party behind me. The players sang, I sang, and we took pictures of each other. Have I mentioned how spectacular this was?

And did I mention how hot Jayson Werth is?

Anyway, the parade was positively exhiliarating. Every person in the city was in a good mood. Happy and proud to be a Philadelphia Phillies fan.

I never thought I'd say this about anything, but it was even better than Christmas.

No, I didn't fall off the face of the Earth

2008-10-18T10:08:00.003-04:00

Just a quick note to say I'm still alive and kicking here in Philly. It's been a busy month with work, travel, cheering on the Phillies, and shopping for warm clothes. Also, a strange poltergeist has overtaken my computer and somehow I have no more wireless capabilities. So, this coming week I'll be taking my laptop to the computer doctor to get everything fixed and back to normal. I can't wait to get caught up on my reading of everyone's blogs ....

Until then .... GO PHILLIES!!!

Items in my "What Do You Mean We're Probably Headed For a Big Recession, I Thought We Were Already In One?" Survival Kit

2008-09-30T21:06:00.023-04:00

My new Scunci velcro rollers -- If you are a girl and have hair more than 4 inches long, you need these.

Season 3 of "Dexter"

Hope for the Phillies to keep winning and take the Series!!!!

My new purple OPI nailpolish "Louvre Me, Louvre Me Not" topped by Seche Vite's Fast Dry Top Coat -- their top coat is second to none. You can paint your nails (base, 2 coats of color and a top coat), wait 10 minutes then go to bed. No hair prints or pancake nail. It's a miracle product!

Team Caca (the fantasy football team owned by Schue and I which, by the way, is kicking ass!) (oh, this is our team logo)

Whippie -- I dig my new wheels. Wanna go for a ride?

Plans plans plans!! -- a visit with my family in Maryland; a trip to Kentucky; a DOF with Schue featuring a fancy lunch at LeBec Fin; a visit from Sandi; a fall tea party with the girls; Shirley's wedding; a biz trip to Atlanta; DD's high school reunion; Los' parents' 50th wedding anniversary party .

Comfy pants for lounging in my peapod

My two favorite animals: Eagles and Nittany Lions!!

My crock pot

Woodchuck Cider

"The Almost Moon" courtesy of THE Baronness (merci mon ami!),

Christmas Party planning -- This year is going to be a little different. Am going to do a late afternoon open house instead of the traditional evening cocktail party. Of course, people will probably hang late, but I think it'll be good to switch things up a bit so some other people can make it for a change.

A secret project I'm working on, yet to be unveiled sometime in the next few months (DON'T ask because I won't tell!)

Equal Pay for Equal Work?

2008-09-29T05:26:00.014-04:00

One of the Obama ads that I hear quite often is one promoting his stance on women in the workplace -- "Equal Pay for Equal Work" is the line. I did a little scratch of the head about this, wondering if there is still widespread discrimination against women in the workplace when it comes to establishing salaries. Of course, it's possible and I'm sure there are cases out there, but enough to be an ad-worthy part of a campaign? It took me by surprise and got me to thinking.

Color me confused about the use of the word equal. Color me even more confused about the part of the ad that says something to the effect of (and I paraphrase, but it's pretty darn close) "...and McCain says women should just get more education and training." The tone in the ad makes it sound like it's a bad thing, which really had me confused.

The same pay for the same job? Are experience, merit, and education factored into this equation? Hmmm.

So I did a little research and found that part of the "equal pay for equal work" strategy is to raise the minimum wage and adjust for inflation because women hold a disproportionately large percentage of low-paying jobs. The theory is that by raising the minimum wage, it would help to close the gap between the average male and female wages.

Wow.

Personally I don't know if the minimum wage needs to be increased or not, but if this is the sole reason then there's no friggin' way I'd support this ludicrous idea. I agree with McCain -- they need education and training. What they don't need is a handout. (A handout probably funded by you and I.) They might like one and it may be helpful in the short term, but it just isn't the right thing to do.

If anything, this policy keeps women in low-paying jobs. Where is the incentive to get education and training? Hey, you don't need it -- we'll throw more money at you to make you more comfortable in the crappy job you already have. Sounds like "more pay for not more work."

I believe that people have a right to earn whatever they can get paid. Some make millions, and some don't. That's how capitalism works. It may not always seem fair, but that's how it goes. Don't like it? Either work harder, get some education and training, get a different job, or move to Sweden.

If women want to make more money, they should have to earn it. Earn it by getting an education, not settling for low-paying jobs, and not dropping out of high school because you're 16 and pregnant.

Sure, there are a couple of other initiatives falling under the same "equality" banner -- like enforcing anti-discrimination laws. I'm okay with that (but it begs me to ask the question, why enforce these laws but not those against illegal immigration?). Another initiative is to reform the law to make it easier for women to sue their employer for pay discrimination. No thanks - I don't think more lawsuits is a good answer.

The conclusion I've drawn is that "equal pay for equal work" doesn't really mean that at all. It's just a catchy line that masks a plan to create more handouts. Ironically, I think it promotes inequality.

We are a capitalist society and I, personally, would like to keep it that way. I find myself really wanting to like Obama, but the truth is that he's just too socialist for my liking. And don't even get me started on his healthcare plan. The only reason I consider myself a fence sitter is the most remote possibility of ever having to say the words President Palin.

Does anyone know ...

2008-09-28T12:32:00.006-04:00

... what the hell this is ??? (aside from gross)

Pulled Pork & Sauerkraut in the Crock

2008-09-27T07:55:00.003-04:00

Want an easy crock pot recipe for a damp-fall (or winter) day? I always make this on New Year's Day, but am breaking it out for the 2nd Street 5K Run & Irish Festival today in my neighborhood. It takes less than 5 minutes to put together, and is always a crowd pleaser.

Pulled Pork & Sauerkraut in the Crock Pot

1/2 bag baby carrots
3-4 medium red-skin potatoes, cubed
1 small onion, diced
1 medium-sized apple, diced (optional)
1 pork loin roast
1 bag sauerkraut, with juice

Note: If you buy a seasoned pork roast, you probably don't need to add extra seasonings. When I buy it unseasoned, I add:

crushed rosemary
salt n pepa
thyme
ground mustard
whatever else looks good on the spice rack

Put everything in the crock pot in the order listed. No need to add extra water or broth. Put the lid on. Check it every few hours. It's done when the pork falls apart and the veggies are soft -- usually overnight or 8 hours.

I get the best results when I cook on low overnight, then eat the next day. Everything tastes best on days 2 and 3. This dish also freezes very well.

Eat on a crusty roll with horseradish. Or just by itself.

Let me know how it turns out if you decide to try it.

Whatty-bon?

2008-09-26T21:52:00.006-04:00

Babspeapod here, live again from the debate.

I'm actually finding it quite entertaining and will now showcase my apparent case of ADD and/or immaturity.

Obama keeps saying the word "Tolly-bon." Kinda like a "Cinnabon", but not. "Pocky-ston" is a little distracting too, but not quite as much.

McCain just called it the "Tally-pon."

Folks, I think we're in trouble.

(P.S. - I hear "Santa Claus" is a write-in candidate from West Virginia. It's true .... see!)

(P.S.S. -- Obama just called McCain "Jim" again. bahaa. And yes, I DO know the moderator is JIM Lehrer, but since Obama keeps correcting himself, I assume he keeps calling John by the wrong name.)

Whistle while you ....wha??

2008-09-26T21:43:00.002-04:00

And will someone please get John McCain some teeth that fit? He keeps s-whistling, and it's very distracting. (S-whistling is when you whistle every time you say a word with an "s")

Tom? Jim? John!

2008-09-26T21:38:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I'm sitting at home on Friday night flipping the channels between the Presidential Debate and the Phillies game.

When did I turn into my Dad?

Anyway, twice now in the last 10 minutes, Obama has called McCain by the wrong name. First he called him Tom ... now he just called him Jim.

What up with that?

It Must be a Slow News Week

2008-09-25T07:00:00.007-04:00

Clay is echoing the words of George Washington, "I cannot tell a lie" as he announces to the world (on the front page of People magazine) that he is gay.

My thoughts:

1.) Who cares.

2.) This is not new information, so it should hardly be called "news."

3.) I'm perplexed by the whole "coming out" event. Openly admitting being gay -- I can see why that's a big step for someone. What I don't get is having press conferences about it, making public announcements about it, or using your sexual preference as a publicity stunt.

4.) I saw Spamalot on Broadway and it was a fantastic show -- probably the best musical I've ever seen. Clay Aiken was part of the cast, not the star, and he was excellent. If you've never seen this show because .....

....... you think Clay Aiken sucks ... or,

....... like me, you don't "get" Monty Python and don't want to watch something you don't "get" for 2 hours ... or,

....... you have a hard time understanding the British accents in Monty Python (again, why watch something for 2 hours that you don't understand)

I say: don't let those things stop you. The show was excellent! I'd even see it again.

5.) I'd never go to a Clay Aiken concert (of my own accord), but I'd probably be weird enough to watch one of his Christmas specials.

Monday was a Doozy

2008-09-23T06:00:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was one of "those" days, and it totally blind-sided me. I woke up ready for the week.
Then I got to work.

Right out of the gate, I had an early meeting -- one that I was actually excited about (because I'm a nerd and get excited about things like this sometimes). I had a brilliant idea at work and yesterday was the day to hatch my baby -- yay! Ten minutes into a meeting with 20 people, somebody sprung a surprise on me and squashed the whole thing. It threw me off, and should have been a sign of things to come.

The rest of the day at the office spiraled downhill from there. One thing after another.

Now I've got a pretty thick skin -- especially when it comes to work. Calmness is my motto. No panic button in this girl's office. Stress? Rarely.

But for whatever reason, yesterday it got to me. I felt like I'd been hit with a bat, then kicked, my hair pulled, and my teeth knocked out. Honestly, I only have a day like this once every few years. Even my boss said, why don't you just call it a day and start over tomorrow? I wanted to so badly, but my to do list runneth out the door and I would've felt irresponsible if I left.

So I stuck it out and at 5:00, I finally left the office. On the way home I burst into uncontrollable tears. I have no idea why -- it just poured out. Lump in throat, mascara running down face. Who was this girl???

I came home, got in my comfy clothes, fixed dinner, cleaned the kitchen, then sat down to watch some TV.

Now living in the city, you get use to hearing sirens in the distance. Sad to say, but I can tune out just about any kind of noise you can imagine. Until I saw the glare from spinning lights coming through my front window -- and they were coming down our one-way street the wrong way. I knew something was going on and it had to be close, so I decided to peek out the front door.

At the end of my block on the corner (I'm right in the middle of a city block), there was a huge cloud of smoke. Neighbors poured out of their houses, the sounds of sirens grew, the smoke in the street thickened.

The cabinet-maker's shop on the corner had caught on fire, and within 20 minutes the entire block had to be evacuated for this 3-alarm blaze. At some points, the chemicals burning made the smoke in the streets unbearable and I kept going back inside. There were several explosions shooting fireballs into the air and the flames were as fierce as any I've ever seen in person.

The power went out on the block after about 2 hours, and people wandered back to their houses. But all night long, I could smell the smoke and hear the crews continuing their work to make sure the fire was out and everyone would be safe.

Luckily, no one was injured.

Click here to see a picture of the scene on my block last night.

As I laid in my bed trying to fall asleep, I felt ridiculous for having let a bad day at the office get to me.

You Got a What Where??

2008-09-21T22:48:00.003-04:00

I wrote a previous post about a guy who likes to sit on people's steps in my neighborhood, The Blueberry. If you read that, you know that he's basically a nice guy but slightly whackadoodle around the edges.

So as I stepped out of the house the other day to go to work, I heard the familiar "Hey Leeth!!" He caught me by surprise because I hadn't seen him in a few months and wasn't expecting him to be there. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Oh hey, good morning! I haven't seen you around in a while.

Blueberry: Yeah, I've been sick. Bad ankle.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it's feeling better.

Blueberry: Leeth, do you know if you can get a cold in your ankle?

Me: Huh?

Blueberry: Can you get a cold in your ankle? I had the fan blowing on it and I think it caught a cold.

Me: (holding back a big huge belly laugh, soon to be accompanied by roaring and tears) Maybe the fan made your ankle cold or stiff, but an ankle can't catch a cold.

Blueberry: Really? I think I had a cold in my ankle.

Me: OK, well I have to go to work. I hope your cold feels better soon.

Restaurant Week in Philadelphia

2008-09-19T01:07:00.006-04:00

It's Restaurant Week here in Philly, an fantastic opportunity to sample fine (and some not so fine) cuisine in our city. It comes twice a year, and has grown in popularity to now over 100 participating restaurants offering a prix fixe menu for $35. The event is sponsored by the Center City District, and it's a great way to try that pricey restaurant you've been wanting to go to without putting a strain on the wallet. Some of the places are very high end, and others ... well not so much. Regardless, it's a good chance to get out in the city for a night at a reasonable price.

Tonight I dined at Cafe Spice, an Indian Restaurant in Olde City (35 S. 2nd Street). It's actually part of a small chain with some restaurants in both New York and Pennsylvania -- but I say to you: "Be not afraid of the chain!"

Our foursome started at the bar with a couple of half-priced happy hour martinis. My mango was delicious and obviously made with fresh juice ... not some sugary bar mix. The others had sour apple martinis, but I'm over those -- they resemble watered-down antifreeze with a cherry to confirm fitness for consumption. Regardless, at $4 a drink it was quite a bargain.

The decor was exactly what the name of the restaurant suggested -- a cafe decorated in colors typically associated with the word "spice." Oranges, yellows, greens, deep reds, browns ..... lanterns and a tiled floor. Requesting a booth was worth it, as they were much more private and gave a completely different ambience to the restaurant. The regular tables are much more together and not so private.

Anyway, the food was very good. We each ordered something different and while we didn't share (thank goodness because I made the best choices), we did sample. The 4-course menu featured choices of:

Soup (I chose the pumpkin lentil over the leg of mutton in peppery broth)

Appetizer (lots to choose from -- i went with the kicked up samosa)

Entree (My "Lamb Chettinad" was the unaminous winner at the table over tilapia in some kind of curry/veg sauce; lobster in sumpin sumpin, and grilled lamb chops)

Dessert (chocolate mousse or mango ice cream. I should've picked the mango.)

The service was good, although the waiter wasn't very skilled on ingredients. "What is fenugreek?" "Uhhhhh ... duhhhh .... I'm really not sure." OK, thanks ... and he never went to find out. I'll be conducting a Google investigation on that one as well as combing the grocery store to see this mystery item in person. Nonetheless, the servers were prompt and polite, and most importantly, the food was delicious. It was spicy, but not too spicy. And it came out piping hot -- something that is mucho important to me when I'm eating. I may not eat my food when steam is coming from it, but I want it served to me that way. Cafe Spice obliged.

If I were like the restaurant critic that writes for the South Philly Review and I had to assign a rating of chef toques, I'd give Cafe Spice 2 1/4 tips of the toque (out of 3). And I'd go back.

Next time Restaurant Week comes around, I'm doing two things:

Making more reservations

Making them further in advance -- it was hard to find a table even 2 weeks ahead of time

Next time it comes around I'll put out the call for dining companions, so let me know if you're interested.

1960

2008-09-15T06:59:00.004-04:00

I'm totally stealing this idea from my friend Kelly over at Shooting Glen Mills (which she borrowed from our funny friend over at List of the Day.

Here's what my 1960 yearbook picture would have looked like ....

Head on over to Yearbook Yourself to make some hilarious pictures of yourself.

All of the ones from the 80s looks like my actual yearbook pictures. I was not a cute teenager.

Once in a blue moon .....

2008-09-12T06:25:00.002-04:00

Last night, I slept for NINE (9) hours! That's absolutely unheard of for me. Usually I get about 6 hours, and even on the weekends it's pretty rare for me to sleep more than that.

It got me to thinking about other "once in a blue moon" kinds of events:

Running -- I don't do it unless I'm being chased
Haley's comet -- anybody remember this back in the 70s? There was big hype about seeing the "only once every 76 years" comet. I can't remember if I actually saw it or just stood staring at the sky for a few minutes.
Bowling -- I love bowling, but rarely ever do it. Despite the balls being heavy and making my delicate fingers swell like breakfast sausages, I always enjoy it and wish I did it more often.
Eating carrots -- I usually don't like them (though I wish I did because they're so pretty and good for you), but once in a while when they've been soaking in some soup broth or gravy, they're positively delicious.
Sewing -- Am pretty much limited to re-attaching buttons, but my mom gave me a sewing machine a few years ago and I keeping saying how much I want to learn to use it. I made a pillow, but that's it. Perhaps this should be a goal this winter?
Stilettos -- For obvious reasons (like: I'm not a hooker and am pretty clumsy) these don't happen often. In fact, I can't remember the last time a pair of these adorned my flippers. I like them, but wearing them is once in a very deep indigo moon.
Snail mail -- Anymore, it's such an effort to get a stamp and find a mailbox to mail something.
Finding money on the ground -- The last time it was a $20 bill blowing down the street on New Year's Day. Yay!
Amy Winehouse sober -- need I say more?
Walmart in South Philly -- Synonmous with "hell on earth." It has to be something seriously Earth-shattering to go there. (Gee, do you remember when we were shopping there for our trip to Egypt and after putting 200 things in our cart realized we had someone else's cart and lost ours? Talk about a "throw your head back and scream" moment!)
Video games -- Love them. Get totally sucked in. It's probably a good thing I rarely play them. I have a mii character on Los and Schue's wii that's wearing a purple dress and has sunglasses on her head -- miss her. Time to play again soon ... (hint hint)
Penn State trips -- I miss my alma mater and rarely get to visit anymore. This time of year when the Nittany Lions are roaring up and down the field I can picture the scene around Beaver Stadium (I have to picture the scene on the outside of the stadium since I never actually went IN to a game while I was a student). Anybody up for a trip sometime soon?

One thing that crossed my mind but really belongs on the "I hope I never have to do this again" list is riding on a Greyhound bus. Just thought I'd add that tidbit so that the thought will leave my head. The first and last time was when I was about 15 and took a bus to Ocean City, MD.

Anyway, what are some of your "once in a blue moon" happenings?

casiNO

2008-09-11T05:32:00.003-04:00

Why is Foxwoods insistent on putting their Philadelphia casino in an inconvenient and disruptive location?

First, they wanted to stick one on Delaware Avenue where the traffic already stands still at any given moment for no reason at all. Not to mention, there's very little access to highways from that proposed location. Oh, and it's 2 blocks from a major residential area -- like my house. Thanks alot people.

That option hasn't been ruled out, but now after 2 years of everybody complaining, parading, petitioning, protesting, etc ... they are re-considering this location.

The news is now reporting that Foxwoods is considering putting their casino right smack dab in the middle of the city, at The Gallery. The Gallery is a poor excuse for a shopping mall, although it's quite large --3 levels of shopping over 2-3 city blocks. It also houses a very busy regional rail stop underground, where I guess you could say there's a fourth level of shopping.

All of this shopping sounds much more exciting than it actually is. Discount shopping, high end shopping, bizarre bazaars are all great things, but The Gallery defies description. I always feel like I'm on the verge of getting mugged or attacked when I'm there. And for what? I can't say there's anything I need or want at The Gallery. Regardless of what I think of The Gallery, people do shop there. It's also connected to the convention center, still only blocks away from major residential areas, City Hall and several thriving businesses (small and large). I'd like to see The Gallery turn into something better, but I don't think the casino is the answer.

The Foxwoods folks have gotten quite a bit of heat over the traffic problems their casino would exacerbate in the original proposed location, so I can understand that the accessibility of public transportation at The Gallery site is an attractive feature. But .... if you don't take public transportation, forget trying to park. There's nothing ... not on the street and not even in one of the $25/day garages. It just doesn't seem practical to put a casino in this spot.

All of that being said, I'd rather have them put the casino at The Gallery than 2 blocks from my neighborhood. But truthfully ... neither spot is good.

So I ask: Why, in the name of common sense, can't they find something in the city but not in an overcrowded area? There's a good mile (plus) stretch of undeveloped land south of the city right on the waterfront -- and the other side of the road too. There's other land in the city along the river (or not along the river) without having to open something in already-overcrowded areas.

Already, I'm not too thrilled with Foxwoods. They've done nothing to demonstrate that they'll be good corporate citizens in our city, and I think it's important to do more than just generate revenue. If they neighborhoods and other businesses are sacrificed for the development of the Foxwoods franchise, then what good has been gained for Philadelphia?

Certainly there must be a win-win location that is good for the people and businesses already inhabiting the city, and for Foxwoods. Let's hope somebody soon comes to their senses.

Like Nails on a Chalkboard

2008-09-10T06:34:00.004-04:00

Is there anything that just by its mere presence sends you into "ew, get it away from me" mode? A sight ... a sound ... a smell ... a person? Something that just makes you flip your gizzard until it disappears?

Last night as I was upstairs changing out of work clothes into comfy clothes, I heard some familiar sounds emanating from the noise box in my living room. In the blink of an eye, I felt compelled to take 2 flights of steps in 3 large strides to get to the remote control. This sound HAD to be removed ... immediately.

What was it?

Cartoons.

I. CAN'T. FRIGGIN. STAND. CARTOONS.

Especially animation of the adult variety. Like King of the Hill. Family Guy. South Park.

I love the humor of The Simpsons, but I just can't watch it because it's a cartoon. I don't know why, but I just find cartoons to be completely un-entertaining and un-watchable. Kinda like watching the car dealership commercials where the guy screams at you to "c'mon down for our sale of the century. You can get a free hot dog and a picture sitting on top of our pet camel while we try to sell you a crashed up hoopdie with a new paint job and big shiny wheels."

Whatever dude. Keep your hot dog. Keep your hoopdie. And hey Comcast, can you please make sure no animated figures appear on my small screen? Is it too much to ask for the $100million a month I pay you for 10 good channels (if that)?

Kid cartoons are slightly more tolerable, but not much. And I will admit to enjoying some of the animated feature films, such as "The Lion King" and the old classics like "Cinderella" and does anyone remember "Song of the South?"

There are a couple of other exceptions to my cartoon-loathing: The Flintsones, the old Schoolhouse Rock, and ..... and. Will get back to you if I think of any others.

To me, cartoons are in the same category as clowns, comic books, and comic strips. Weird. No, thanks. Come to think of it, I'm not too fond of most stand-up comedians either.

All of these things are supposed to be funny. Maybe I stubbed my head at an early age, but I just don't get it. And unlike onions, which were completely unpalatable at one time, I don't think my tastebuds will change when it comes to my distaste for cartoons. If cartoons were ingredients, I'd definitely pick them off my pizza.

No Tutu For Me

2008-09-08T21:25:00.005-04:00

When I was about 4 years old I asked my parents for piano lessons and ballet lessons. Unfortunately, I was told that I'd have to make a decision -- I could have one or the other, but not both.

Of course, I picked the ballet lessons. My dreams of pirouetting around a stage in a pink tutu with those pink satin slippers would not be denied! I'd be in recitals and plays .... probably the star of the Nutcracker. I'd get to wear costumes and this would be an acceptable reason to wear make-up before 16. And tap lessons always seemed to get thrown in as a bonus, so even at the age of four I knew this was a good deal. Yes, my pint-sized brain thought like this at the age of four.

Then my mother sat me down and said to me words that I'll never forget:

"Honey, I think you should take the piano lessons. After all, when you're 40 and you invite your friends over for dinner, wouldn't you rather play the piano for them than put on a tutu and dance?"

Right between my barely developed eyeballs, she hit me with cold hard motherly logic. And it worked. I took the piano lessons.

As a result, I can't dance but I can play a helluva sonatina. My first lesson was at age 4 and the lessons continued on until I graduated from high school -- by my choice. As it turns out, my mother was right.

Well, mostly right. I would probably love to be able to don a tutu and do a few ballet twirls at my next dinner party. Not probably ... I would. But since my tutu would probably have to be a four-four, it's probably best that I stuck with piano.

My piano playing fell by the wayside long ago, which makes me quite sad. I always loved playing, and still do. This past weekend, I stayed at my boss' house in Kentucky and they have a big black baby grand in the living room. My fingers were itching until I couldn't stand it anymore. Her husband and I played for a few hours on Saturday afternoon, and it was awesome. Am definitely rusty, but I don't think it would take much to get back to form.

My new project is to see how many zillions of dollars it'll cost me to get my piano moved from my parent's house in Maryland to my house in Philly. I'm sure it would be more cost-effective to just buy or rent one that's closer, but there's no way I would want a different piano. That old one was my Christmas present when I was 4, and there's nothing like it.

One Lucky Girl

2008-09-02T06:56:00.007-04:00

Thanks to my wonderful family and friends, I survived another birthday event. (It was actually on Saturday, so I'm getting to this a few days late.) Anyway, they really came through and made my day fabulous. People came to celebrate, wish me well, bring me fiber and other items to help my digestive track, memory, aches, pains, etc. ..... we ate, we drank, we laughed, (and laughed and laughed and laughed), and I loved it better than Cats!

A few highlights:

Family Party Prep -- My family came down early, primarily to visit and have some time together before the party, but I put them to work. It turned out great, and I loved sitting around the kitchen chopping, chatting, reminiscing, and laughing with them. My Mom and Dad told stories about the old neighborhood -- stuff that Laura (my sister) and I were too young to know when we were kids. Now that we've aged a few years, they didn't seem to mind dishing the dirt on all things that happened back in the old 70s neighborhood. Good stuff! They told stories about things that happened years ago ... some of them they tell every time I see them (so I'd be disappointed not to have heard them again), and other stories were pleasant surprises. We reminisced about friends we've all had, and got caught up on "what ever happened to _____?" Fill in the blank with anyone that any of us ever knew. It was great quality time with the family, and when they left on Sunday I was quite sad to see them go. I'm truly a lucky person to have such a wonderful family.

Bunny Cake -- When I was a kid, my mother always made my sister and I birthday cakes shaped like bunnies. A fan of nostalgia, my mother came through with a good ole-fashioned bunny cake! And it was delicious!

The List -- Schue made me a very special list for my birthday. Something you may not know about me is that I'm an obsessive list-maker. Schue captured several memories of our friendship over the years in a really funny list that had me laughing and re-reading over and over again. It's posted on her blog, so you can check it out here. She and Los are great friends, and they went out of their way to make the day fun. I know my Mother was cracking up the next day about Los' story of the Cable Guy ass-denting the old car!

Picture CD -- My parents dug through their vault of pictures and made a "This is Your Life"-style picture CD for me. It has pictures from the day they brought me home from the hospital, all of my grandparents and great-grandparents, many of my childhood birthdays (featuring bunny cake, I might add), and other old pictures I'd never seen. This was so thoughtful and I just loved it -- the perfect gift!! Between the bunny cake and the pictures, I used several kleenex!!

The BBQ -- Despite the fact that it was Labor Day weekend when everybody goes to the shore, family parties, or wherever ... my friends showed up to spend the day with me. While I appreciate all of the generous and thoughtful gifts they brought, it was their presence that really made the day special. The day was hot hot hot, especially in the sauna that is my backyard ... yet they withstood the sweat and mosquitos all because they like me (or maybe it was just the food?! haha). Regardless, it was a great day!

The Name Game -- Let's just say that a few things were confirmed during a late night round of The Name Game: Farrah Fawcett is spelled with F's .... it's not Pharoah Fawcett. And there was never a US President named Willard Fillmore.

Thanks again everyone for making my day special! In the words of Claris Blecher (from "Steel Magnolias") I love you all more than my luggage!!!!

Now we're making Pwogwess!

2008-08-29T11:07:00.003-04:00

Hey folks .... not much time to write and I'm still not feeling particularly creative, so here's an update on the "to do" list:

1.) Clean house -- check. I figure it has about another 3 hours before all hell breaks loose (aka arrival of parents) and then all bets are off. I can't wait to see them though, so bring it on!

2.) Hair cut and color. Check. I must admit, I look fabulous. Well, I will look fabulous as soon as I shower and get rid of the mess I made of myself last night. My sister arrived, and we went out for a big evening in the 'hood. I guess that's an appropriate send off for my thirties.

3.) Ponder the new cast of Dancing with the Stars and analyze it to death with Schue -- check. I'm interested to see Kim Karsizedassian, Rocco Dispirito, Ted McGinley, and yes, Cloris Leachman.

4.) Mani and pedi -- nope. My feet look like they were painted by a blind person ... with their feet.

5.) Shop for party -- half check. I need to finish groc shopping and hit the Italian Market for some pork roast. The menu will feature sloppy joes and pulled pork sandwiches.

6.) Make a CD or two -- half check. I have everything downloaded from iTunes, but need to put it on CDs. I really need to get an iPod and docking station with speakers so I can just hit "play" instead of burning CDs. But technology has never been my strong suit -- hey, at least I'm not still listening to tapes!!

7.) Prepare wig collection -- check. The blonde, Mrs. Roper, Wonder Woman and cleopatra are all ready to go. Not to mention the mummer hats and my shamrock cowboy are awaiting some pumpkinheads to adorn them!!

8.) Buy two lamps and some spare pillows for my spare bedroom -- Nope. These things are still at the store. BUT, I did get new bedding and decorative pillows, so the room looks better. I guess that's a half-check.

9.) Find a cute outfit for the party -- Nope. I will have to find something in my closet. boo hiss.

10.) Find a dress to wear to a wedding, a wedding gift and a hostess gift -- No, no and no. (And for those of you who commented on my embarrassing experience at my bosses house -- I didn't poop in the toilet knowing I couldn't flush .... it was a girlie issue. Even worse. Welcome to a day in the life of me.)

Alrighty .... still lots to do, so I'm outta here. Happy Birfday to me!

To Do

2008-08-25T07:02:00.004-04:00

My creative juices are stifled, so I give you this ....... my "To Do" list for this week. I figure it I post it here, then I have to get everything done.

1.) Clean my house. It looks like dust and suitcase bombs exploded. I took Wednesday off work to get everything done, and this is the biggie that will take most of my time.

2.) Hair cut and color.

3.) Anxiously await cast list of "Dancing With the Stars", to be announced this morning. Discussion with Schue immediately to follow.

4.) Mani and pedi.

5.) Shop for party. Am still trying to decide on a menu, but whatever it is it'll be simple. Am leaning towards grill stuff and maybe a crock full of sloppy joes. I thought about baked beans, but I'd rather not have a houseful of bean-eaters ... seriously. I'm also going to make a small vat of sangria.

6.) Make a CD or two. My collection is way outdated, and I've been lax on the iPod updates.

7.) Prepare wig collection. I know people will wear them, so I may as well have them looking their best.

8.) Buy two lamps and some spare pillows for my spare bedroom. It's not a total necessity, but I wanna fix the room up, so why not now?

9.) Find a cute outfit that makes me look 10 years younger, but not one that makes me look like I'm in an outfit that's too young for me. It also has to make me look svelte. If it repels mosquitos, that would be a plus too.

10.) Find a dress to wear to a wedding in Kentucky next weekend. And buy a wedding gift. And a hostess gift for my boss who invited me to stay at her house with her and her husband. Last time I stayed there, she told me not to flush the toilet if I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night because it would wake up her husband. Now, I never get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom .... wouldn't you know, that night was an exception. AND .... I really needed to flush the toilet when I was done. What would you have done? Flush and piss them off .... or leave the bowl as is? I swear I'm not drinking or eating anything after 3pm knowing about the no-flush rule.

Anyway, that's my list for the week.

I Do Dumb Stuff -- Part Two (The Twentysomething Years)

2008-08-20T05:33:00.007-04:00

OK, so here's another list of dumb stuff I've done. This isn't a list of absent-minded events, but stuff I planned ... schemed ..... did with full consciousness. It is probably safe to assume that intoxication and my friend John are a common denominator for 90% of the list.

Finally, as I look back over the list before I hit the "Publish" button, I realize these all occurred during or shortly following the college years. The fact that there's nothing in this list from life after 30 probably doesn't mean I haven't done dumb stuff in my thirties, but the opitomy of my dumb-ness clearly came in my twenties. Perhaps another post will be in order to showcase the dumb stuff I've done after surviving the list below.

Enough babble. Who cares. Here goes:

I've already told you about climbing out of a car window while riding down the highway, and clinging to the luggage rack in my skirt (and big 80s hair). But, I just told you again in case you missed it the first 3 times.
I bought (and wore) (a zillion times) (and in lots of pictures) a floor-length, bright purple winter coat. With all the friends I have, why didn't someone stop me? I looked like Barney!
The night before my friend John's college graduation, I put my hand through a window in the hotel room (I was trying to knock ... oops). This resulted in all 8 of us to get kicked out of the hotel -- just as he was supposed to be graduating. Try finding a hotel room for 8 at Penn State on graduation weekend ... and explaining it to his mother.
I once pretended to be one of the famed Jamaican bobsledders (a la "Cool Runnings"). This resulted in me breaking my middle finger when the "sled" crashed at the bottom of my friend's steps. It turned out to be quite a realistic re-enactment. Ironically, I also had to explain this to John's mother.
If you ever eat long stringy noodles and then feel nauseous, do not throw up in a bush. First-hand experience has taught me they are invisible in the evening and look like noodle tinsel in the light of day. Bad idea. Make it to the bathroom.
I got a perm ... on purpose. I can't believe that after cringing through years of my mother giving me Toni home perms that I actually did this to myself. This tragic perm was followed up with a very short bob haircut, and was supposed to make me look cute for my first semester of college. Instead,my head looked like a big penis with a curly helmet. I proceeded to grow my hair down to my butt crack over the course of the next 4 years.
Pool hopping over a barbed-wire fence is a bad idea, especially if you're not athletic (and even if you are). I have the scars to prove it.
Now this one wasn't my idea, but my friend John coaxed me into it -- We drove my parents' lawn tractor all around the yard at 3am after returning to their house (where I still lived at that point) after a night on the town. I'm just thankful the house was built well and withstood one particularly large crash into the side of the house near their laundry room.
I tried to double dutch (jump rope, for you non city-slickers). Once. My feet got so tangled up in the rope I fell on the ground and knocked myself unconscious.

OK, my brain is worn out for now. If I think of more, I'll add to the list tomorrow. In the meantime, let me know what dumb stuff you do.

I Do Dumb Stuff - Part One

2008-08-19T08:07:00.004-04:00

This morning when I was getting ready for work, I was piddling around the bathroom (literally and figuratively) when I noticed I did something really stupid.

I threw my underwear in the trash.

Now we've all had pairs that we've had to get rid of for one reason or another, and I'm not gonna go into that. But in this case, I meant to put them in the laundry basket but threw them in the garbage instead.

It got me to thinking about absent-minded things I do. Like:

Making coffee with no coffee grinds in the little basket.
Putting my keys in the freezer.
Driving past my exits or going somewhere I'm not planning to go.
Microwaving aluminum.

Actually, one time I inadvertently microwaved an empty glass bowl. Um, I've never seen a warning about what happens when you do this. It kinda looked like a micro-mini scale nuclear explosion -- and that was the end of my microwave.

I've brushed my teeth with hair mousse.
Covered my whole face with blush instead of foundation -- so I looked like a had a big rash or bad dermabrasion, instead of a nice soft glow.
Went to work without my bra. (Anybody else ever walk through the parking lot thinking something feels weird, only to figure it out just in time to turn around and go home?)
Lots of make-up and grooming disasters -- forgotten mascara, dirty teeth, no deodorant. The list is endless, but thank God it doesn't happen often and I've learned to stock my office with products to compensate for the vacant space in my head.

I'm sure there's more, but I've gotta get to work now. Tomorrow ... dumb stuff I've done on purpose.

So what dumb stuff do you do inadvertently?

Chicago

2008-08-14T07:17:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I returned from a 4-day biz trip to Chicago. What a great trip!! I had only been to Chicago once before about 10 years ago, but I'd forgotten how much I really loved the city.

My hotel was right on the Magnificent Mile, and the weather was absolutely beautiful the whole time .... I even got to get out and enjoy it despite spending several hours couped up in a conference room.

The pics (from my pre-historic camera) actually turned out quite mahvelous .....

across the street from my hotel ... a view of the river

beautiful architecture

a mirrored sculpture in Millenium Park

There was a very interesting series of garden sculptures up and down Michigan Avenue. Various artists were sponsored to created busts using materials you wouldn't normally find in a garden. I was completely fascinated by these things and took pictures of every single one of them (probably 15-20 total). My plan is to make a photo collage to hang somewhere ... maybe in my kitchen or office. Here are a few of the garden sculptures .....

These were called "Bubble Girls"

Made from keys

More traditional garden materials, but stunning nonetheless

Leather and hair extensions

Coke and Diet Coke cans

I definitely won't wait another 10 years to return!!!

Surf and Turf Roll--Ups

2008-08-09T12:01:00.003-04:00

I made up a concoction the other night that I have to write down so I don't forget it. It was delicious and pretty too, which you know is most important to me. (Next time I make it I'll take a picture.) As a bonus, it's also healthy and inexpensive to make, so it's going into my weeknight menu rotation.

This was an after-work dinner on a Tuesday night, just for DD and I .... but it was dinner-party quality. I'm even thinking I can turn it into an appetizer for my Christmas party. Hmmm ... will have to think about that. Anyway, I made this up as I went along, so I'm sure I'll tweak over time. But for now, here's the creation:

* And of course, I'll give you my usual disclaimer: I never measure anything, so quantities are my best guesstimate.

Surf and Turf Roll-Ups

Marinate a pack of round steak for braciole (the stuff that's pounded very thin) in soy sauce, fresh-squeezed lime juice, fresh garlic, a teensy bit of extra virgin olive oil (notice I shun the Rachel Ray acronym ... God she's annoying!!!), salt and pepper. Let this soak for hours ... the longer the better.
There were 3 pieces of meat in my package that were kinda the size and shape of an oven mitt. I halved them lengthwise and then cut each strip in half to make them shorter. I ended up with 12 strips that were about 6x2.
By the way, 12 roll-ups were enough for dinner (DD ate 4, I ate 2) and leftovers for lunch the next day.

For assembly:

Butterfly 24 shrimp.period. (2 per piece of meat). I know this sounds like a pain in the ass, but it really isn't if you get the cleaned and deveined shrimp.
Get a big bundle of thin asparagus. If you want to use the thick spears that's fine, but I think thick asparagus is tough and kinda gross. I guess I'm an asparagus snob. Cut 'em in half, so they're about 4 inches long.
Lay the strip of meat flat. Put the shrimp on top. Put a small bundle of asaragus (I used ~8 thin halves per bundle) near one end.
Start rolling!!
Toothpick that baby so it doesn't come undone. Now I know toothpicking automatically raises the hassle factor to the highest level, but be not afraid of a recipe with toothpicks. It'll be okay, and the end result is worth it.

Cooking:

I cooked the 12 rolls in a glass baking dish. I add a concoction of beef broff (low sodium), some more soy, a little more lime juce, and a dusting of corn starch to thicken things up a bit. (It didn't make gravy, but it kept it from being too watery.)
The baking dish was filled about halfway with liquid. This serves two purposes: 1) it helped steam the rolls 2) it kept them from drying out while they cooked.
Cover the dish with foil and bake at 350 for about 40 minutes or until the shrimp and beef look cooked, but not like shoe leather. Chances are, as soon as the shrimp is done (completely pink), the beef will be done too and you're good to go. Turn these over after 20 minutes.

While the rolls are cooking:

I carmelized some onions for the top. I just think it's wrong to eat meat without carmelized onions --- I don't know why, that's just the way I like it.

Voila!!! That's the recipe. Let me know if you try it out.

Crazy Eights

2008-08-08T08:08:00.001-04:00

Today's the lucky day ..... 08-08-08!!!

You know I'm a kook-a-doodle-doo when it comes to the number 8. I probably should've been born in China --- they are also quite enamoured with the number 8. In fact, many Chinese people go out of their way to find a way to incorporate our beloved number into their lives -- either on a specially crafted license plate, requesting it in their phone number, or whatever. I guess they don't name their kids "8." I've never heard of someone named Eight Ng.

Anyway .... I'm really not all that into numerology, and I can count on 2 hands the number of times I've ever played the lottery. I'm more on the realistic side of life's equation and don't generally believe that numbers hold any real meaning. However ...... I'm a lil stupid about my favorite number and have been doing dumb shit all day because it's 08-08-08.

Here's a sampling of my lunacy:

1.) Everything cooked in the microwave is timed for x:08.

2.) I actually played the lottery .... and I WON!! I bet an 8 in my number and it came out!!! yahooey!!!

3.) I got out of bed when the alarm hit 5:48.

4.) I DVR'd the opening ceremonies to the Olympics because I know there'll be some tingly sports moment that people will talk about and I don't want to miss it. I'm excited to watch all the crazy sports that you never get to see .... you know I'm weird like that. It has nothing to do with the number 8 except for the fact that the Chinese have a love affair with lucky 8s and so do I ... and they're hosting the big sports shindig.

5.) I had egg rolls for dinner in honor of my Chinese friends who share my love for the number 8.

6.) I actually backdated the date on this post so it would show up with 08-08-08 ... despite the fact that I'm a lazy ass with insomnia and didn't post until 2(:08)am on August 9.

7.) Whenever I get a new phone number, I always ask if I can choose one. They give me options and I pick the one with the most 8s in it. Ending in 8 is especially good karma.

8.) I've got a small like for gambling, and whenever I get a chance to gamble on a number ... you know what I pick. Roulette ... block pools ..... horses .....

Even though 08-08-08 is over, this is a month full of big numbers. All month, it's 08-08 ..... and the month is going to end with an even bigger number. This one doesn't have any 8s in it, but it begins with a 4 and ends with a 0.

Damn I'm weird.

The Party's Over ... boo hiss

2008-08-05T06:40:00.005-04:00

Well troops, we survived vacation!! The weather was perfect, the water was warm, the house was great, and the company even better. Here are some of the highlights of our trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina:

Dixieland!!! --- I know, I keep harping on how much I love this gas station. There's a picture of Davey Dogs and I under the sign on Los' blog. (To see it, click here.)

Hanging by the pool --- The house had a private pool and hot tub. We spent a good bit of time floating around with fruity drinks, doing cannonballs, and re-filling the pool. The hot tub was a little more complicated. We couldn't figure out how to operate the temperature control, so it was either 85 or 185 degrees.

Fishing -- One day we chartered a fishing boat. We got off to a rocky start due to some confusion over the pricing and somebody being a little freaked out by tales of water moccasins and alligators; however, once we got rolling it was awesome. In fact, they gave us the boat all to ourselves. Everyone caught fish, and there was quite a variety. Karl caught the biggest fish ... Davey Dogs caught the most (even though the largest was only about 5 inches long). I was the most difficult to get off the boat -- I loved it and didn't want to stop once I got going.

The Beach Road Grill -- Ahh, this is our favorite spot to hang. It's situated right on the beach at Mile Post 10.5 on Beach Road, and is owned by 2 sisters who sound like Paula Dean Y'ALL!!! The food is cooked by "Mama" and is mmm mmmm good. The drinks are equally as tasty, and I wasn't shy about ordering my share of "Luscious Lisa's." The great thing about this place is that you can take all your crap to the beach, sun yourself, play in the water, then when you need a pottie and a drink you can zoom right into the Beach Bar for some AC and indoor comforts. I think we may have made some friends -- the sisters invited us to come stay in the cottage and eat crabs with them sometime. Warning: Be careful when you invite us somewhere, we might just show up!!!

Stuff White People Like -- I've been to the blog, but Los brought the book on vacation which we ended up reading aloud by the pool, in the car, on the beach, in the house. This is some hilarious stuff people!! If you haven't checked out the site do it .... it's good for hours of entertainment!!!

Karaoke -- A staple on vacation (and anywhere, for that matter). You probably have to know our friend Johnnay to appreciate the rarity and comedy of his karaoke routine, but let me tell you ... it was some good stuff. He was actually pretty good singing, and the dancing topped it off. I hope somebody took video ..... it needs to be shared.

Jimmie's Seafood -- Here's a place to avoid. We should have known that a seafood buffet would suck, but we were lured by the promise of 12 different kinds of crabs and decided to take our chances. End result: Christa got food poisoning and was sick for 3 days. If your tempted, resist the temptation and either catch your own or go somewhere for takeout seafood -- that's what the locals advised us to do.

The best beach day ever! -- The Friday before we left was one of the best beach days I've ever had. The ocean was calm, warm, and clear. The water was blue and teal -- very Caribbean-like, which I think is not the norm for this area. We played football, floated, laughed ... it was one of the most relaxing days I can remember.

Saturday we drove home. The car ride downright sucked .. all 9 hours of it. But Los was a trooper behind the wheel, and despite the traffic and backseat bitching he got us all home safely. Thanks for driving Los!!

So that's the vacation scoop. If you've never been to the Outer Banks, I highly recommend it if you want a beach vacation with a nice combo of stuff to do and nothing to do.

Now it's back to the grindstone, and time to start thinking about where to vacation next!!

And they're OFF!!!!

2008-07-26T04:48:00.003-04:00

YESSSSS!!!!!!

It's vacation time!!

Davey Dogs, Los, Schue, some others friends and I are headed outta dodge on a road trip to the Outer Banks for the next week. 10 hours from now I'll be sitting poolside sipping a big ole fancy cocktail.

One of the highlights of the trip will be a stop at my favorite gas station in the world -- Dixieland. It's on the border of MD and VA, and it has the most interesting collection of crap for sale that I've ever seen. One year, Schue and I bought furry horse head magnets ... another year, Aunt Jemima spoon rests. I'm hoping for a good find today!!!

Alrighty folks ... have a good week! Stay cool!!

The Age of a Child

2008-07-22T06:52:00.010-04:00

As someone who is both a consumer of healthcare, and employed by the industry I'm very interested in the future of our healthcare system, and the ongoing debate about how to reform it. How can you get better healthcare to everyone at a price that's affordable to consumers and our government?

I know I'm in the minority here, but sometimes I find myself irritated with the media for presenting such an incomplete description of the problems with our system. I'm not here to defend insurance companies, but I will say that our nation's healthcare crisis isn't something that was single-handedly created by insurers. I believe that lawyers, providers, consumers, and even "advocates" have a hand in exacerbating our problems.

So you know why I'm interested in healthcare, but what's my point? Well, I've made a few observations about some of our public policy and I have a theory I'd like to test on you. (Yes, I realize this boring editorial may scare off my few precious readers, but I'm gonna go for it anyway.)

Well here's my theory: The way we currently define a "child" is costly. By creating a consistent definition, there could be cost-savings and other benefits.

Wow .... that's a mighty deep thought for first thing on a Tuesday morning, eh??

Indulge me, pretty please, for a moment while I share a few observations:

Driving age -- 16 (set by the states, but I think this is pretty much the standard)
Legal age to join the military -- 18 (or 17 with parental consent)
Legal age to drink -- 21 (again, set by states, but 21 is the norm)
Age considered a "child" for statutory rape -- 17
Age at which an individual can file for emancipation from parents -- 16
Age considered a "child" for the purpose of establishing Medicaid benefit packages and requirements for child services -- 21
Age to vote - 18

I could go on, but I think I've made a point that the way we define a "child" is all over the place. And in some cases it looks like we tend to pick an age that is most favorable to the child .... from a child's point of view. Not necessarily what is best for the person as a whole or the rest of society.

Let's give you a car at 16, but we'll consider you a "child" for another 5 years for the purposes of your entitlements in the health and welfare system.

Then there's the age old debate -- you can go fight and die for our country at 17/18, but you can't legally drink a beer until you're 21. Doesn't favor the "child", but doesn't exactly make sense either.

What does this have to do with reforming our healthcare system? Well, what made me want to write about this was a review of one presidential candidate's views on healthcare, and what he would do to reform our system. (And I'm neither endorsing nor taking a pot shot at either candidate.) Someone is proposing mandated coverage for "children " up to the age of 25.

25 !?!?!?! Holy camoly? There's a new one!!! When I saw the number 25, I kinda flipped out. (in my head, of course. I don't do real back-flips anymore.)

Has anyone thought about the impact of picking a number like 25 ... say, over a number like 21 or 23 or 16 or any other number? Based on my experience in working with public health programs, I can tell you that "children" are entitled to just about any service they want or need, and there is hardly a limit. The public health and welfare system is like a big ole endless pu pu platter for anyone defined as a child.

Now, before you start thinking I'm some kind of monster who doesn't like kids, or you think I derive a sadistic pleasure from denying and limiting healthcare services, I can assure you that's not the case. However, I do take my responsibility as a steward of the public tax dollar very seriously. It pisses me off to see waste, not to mention fraud or abuse. It also pisses me off to know there are 50M people in this country who don't get any healthcare at all unless they have some threat to life or limb that sends them to the emergency room. Pretty shitty healthcare, eh?
Anyway, benefit packages for the demographic known as "children" -- however you define it -- are vast and virtually unlimited in government-funded programs. "Vast" and "unlimited" are not something that I consider responsible stewardship no matter how old a person is.

Sure, in an ideal world everyone could get unlimited benefits. Everthing you want, and as much as you want of it. Like the free ice cream truck at the company picnic! Yay, wouldn't that be nice?

Unfortunately, the ice cream truck can only hold so much ice cream. So if some pig decides to take 10 ice creams, even though they can only eat 2 ...that means the truck is going to run out sooner and some people probably won't get any ice cream at all. And just because you can eat 2 doesn't mean you should get 2. If you're an adult, someone will likely point out that there's a limit of one per person and you should put back the extra. But if you're a "child", I bet nobody would say anything about going over your allowed amount -- even though it still meant that some other person didn't get any ice cream at all. Is that how things should work? In my book, no. I'm the ice cream steward that would tell the kid to put back his extra ice cream and everybody would think I'm a big ole meanie for telling the kid "no."

Enough of the ice cream analogy, you get my point: the bucket of money available to pay for benefits isn't endless, so we need things like defined benefit packages, limits, authorizations, etc to help make sure that the services being used are really necessary. It's certainly not a perfect system, but it's better than nothing. Everyone can't have everything when there isn't enough money to pay for it.

Except children. Our laws are structured to give the vast and limitless to "children." I believe litigation over the years has virtually eroded whatever boundaries may have existed -- but that's a whole 'nuther subject. By expanding the definition of "child" to age 25, it expands the vast and limitless to a whole new segment of the population. I can't even fathom what the increased cost of healthcare would be just by tacking 4 years onto the current definition of a child.

If we're going to arbitrarily create yet another definition of the age of a child, I wonder if we'll also .....

..... raise the drinking age to 25 since everybody younger is still a child? (How many livers would be spared? How many bars would have to close?)
.... pull the kids under 25 out of the military? (How secure would our nation be then??)
.... get every kiddie under 25 off the road? (Hey, it would reduce fuel consumption and pollution problems, not to mention our roads would be a safer place? Wouldn't it lessen overall car insurance premiums too?)

Personally, I think 25 is too old for someone to be considered a child. I mean, you're just not a kid anymore when you're 25. Yeah, you may be a 20something still going to high school proms, or maybe you're on your 7th year of college. You're just not a child at age 25, and you certainly shouldn't be entitled to the legal benefits afforded to "children." How in the world can someone know when it's time to accept and learn adult responsibility if the age is so blurred? I hope we're not creating a society of Peter Pans.

If I ruled the country, I'd legally define a "child" as under 18. Then, any law (state or federal) that pertains to a child would have to apply my definition. I'd also create some exceptions because, let's face it ... the world ain't black and white, it's lots of colors and shades of grey. Example of an exception: a person who goes on to college and remains a dependent of their parents could have an expanded definition for certain programs (like healthcare) until they turn 21, or maybe even 22.

After that, grow up. You're on your own!

Ok, that's the end. Am interested to hear your thoughts .... if anyone made it this far.

What is it about me ....

2008-07-21T07:43:00.003-04:00

.... that mosquitos love so dearly??

I am sitting on my couch trying to work and drink my coffee, and I'm being dive bombed by these treacherous little creatures.

I don't know how they even got into my house, but they're here so I've got to deal with them. They're in my backyard jungle too, so every time I step outside I get chomped.

Some people could walk through a mosquito festival and they'd never get bitten. Unfortunately, I'm not of that variety.

I read somewhere that mosquitos can smell a victim from 30 yards away. I believe it. I must be like a plate of prime rib to a mosquito.

Maybe it's that my blood is full of tomatoes, wine and fontina cheese. Is that what's attracting them?

Is it my charming disposition ..... or my sparkly earrings? Are they coming to listen to Madonna with me? Or maybe they like the groovy new shade of orange/red/pink I'm sporting from my 2-week old pedicure?

Whatever it is about me that they love, I wish I could figure it out. These little red blotches all over my body are itchy and so very unbecoming. Not to mention, I'm tired of smelling like Off! and Witch Hazel.

Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

2008-07-19T09:13:00.004-04:00

Greetings from the sauna ... oops ... city of Philadelphia!!!

It hasn't been a bad week, but I can also say I've had better. Here's my headline news of the week ....

On Tuesday, I started my day with my daily routine -- coffee, shower, hair, make-up, work. Except I never got past the hair part of the routine. In the middle of doing my hair, I dropped my brush on the floor, went to pick it up and felt a really horrible pain in my knee. I thought I'd walked it off, so I finished doing my hair and headed down my steps to start on make-up in front of the big fan.

Well .... when I took the first step I had a pain that mostly closely resembles fire or lightning, shoot through my body. Thank goodness I fell backwards on the top step instead of forwards!

Once I collected myself and came out of my fog, I realized I couldn't move my leg. So I slid down the steps on my butt, across the floor and hung out there while trying to figure out a game plan.

The Acura car inspector and a cab driver ended up picking me up off the floor and putting me in the cab to visit the ER. There, I learned nothing. All I got was a pair of crutches, a knee brace and a big pile of pain pills. "Go see a specialist", they said.

Fast forward to Thursday ..... the doc says I tore my meniscus and will need a short arthroscopic procedure to fix it. The good news is, it's fast and doesn't have a big recovery time. I'm also really not in any pain until I try to sit/stand, sleep, and I can't drive. Walking is not much of a problem, I only use the crutches if I have to venture out of the house. I'm also lucky that I can work from home, so I'm not using my vacay time on this bullshit.

Speaking of vacation ....... I'm still going on my vacation in a week, so that means I'll be having this little surgery when I get back. I am WAYYYY excited for vacation .... will be writing about that next!!

So yesterday, I had my MRI then cabbed to lunch with a business associate. I hit a convenience store a block from the restaurant to pick up a jar of mayo -- a requirement for all the tomato sandwiches I've been consuming lately. I couldn't find a cab home, so I ended up walking home about 8 blocks in the 100 degree weather with a plastic bag filled with MRI results and mayo swinging from my crutches. I WANT MY SEXY BACK!! If something had happened to me and somebody found me like that, what would they have thought?!?!?!! I can only hope that I lost 10 pounds on that hike ...... not fun!!!

All things considered, I'm lucky that it's not worse and I'm not in any real pain. I can get around, and just have to be careful I don't do anything to make it worse.

I wonder if anybody else could do such damage to themself just doing their hair???????

Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and Chevrolet ... sorta

2008-07-16T07:32:00.004-04:00

These things .. sort of ... have been consuming me for the past few days. How? Well ...

Baseball - I got sucked into watching the Home Run Derby, which featured one of those tingly sports stories that I love. I've never watched any of the All Star festivities in the past, but decided to check it out this year. The story that got me was about a guy named Josh Hamilton (who's been all over the news for the last 2 days, so this is probably a little late to report ... but it's my blog so I can tell stories that everybody's already heard as much as I want to ... right?).

This guy played in the majors for a couple of years, then started boozing it up and doing all kinds of drugs. Apparently he blew somewhere around $4M on crack,heroin, alcohol, tattoos and whatever else before he found God and sobriety. He ended up getting back into the minor leagues 3 years ago and fought his way back to the major league. On Monday night, he hit 28 home runs in Round One of the Home Run Derby which broke the previous record of 24. He was like a machine, and people went nuts as he hit ball after ball went into the upper deck. Me thinks his story will end up a movie someday ... apparently he plays like this in regular games too.

Hot Dogs - OK, I haven't been consumed by -- or consuming any -- hot dogs. But it would've messed up the title of my post if I didn't throw them in here.

Apple Pie - On the theme of apples -- not apple pie -- I have a new recipe that must be shared. It's for Stuffed Pork Chops, and the stuffing is made of apples, bacon, celery, and onion. As a time saver, you can just plop the stuffing on top and forget the whole ordeal of trying to cut a pocket in the middle of a slimy raw pork chop (ew!). Nevertheless, it's delicious. Here's the stuffing: (I made this for 2 pork chops)

Cut 4 strips of bacon into pieces and fry em up in the pan. (You can shortcut in the microwave if you want to save time, but it's not as tasty when you don't cook the onions and celery in the bacon grease.)
Add some diced onion and celery to the bacon and saute until soft. Don't be afraid to let it burn a little to get that crsipy brown stuff that tastes so good. Use broth (chicken or whatever you have on-hand) to deglaze the pan.
Add a lil salt, pepper and thyme. Just a little -- taste test it later, you can always add more.
Cut up one small apple into little pieces (take the peel off unless you want it stuck in your teeth). Add the apple to the saute, and sprinkle some sugar (~1 tablespoon is probably good).
Salt & pepper pork chops on both sides.
Once the apple is soft, push the stuffing to the side of the pan and crank up the heat. When the pan is hot, add the pork chops.
Sear for ~2 minutes on each side, then lower heat. Add a little chicken broth to keep things from sticking (just a little), cover and simmer for ~15 minutes. (Note: you may have to adjust the cooking time for the thickness of your pork chops. I did 25/15 for 1- 1/4" chops. If you want to be very speedy, grill or broil your chops and just add the stuffing at the end.)
Anyway ...... Turn em over then cover and simmer for another 10-15 minutes (again, adjust the time as needed)
After you flip (the chops, not a handspring), add some bread crumbs to the stuffing and mix it all together. You should be getting something that looks a little dry with a touch of carmelization -- not stuffing that looks like soggy bread. Don't worry, it won't be dry when you eat it.
I served with sliced Jersey tomatoes and baked beans. Bon appetit!

Chevrolet - .... is not the car I decided to purchase. After a month of research and negotiation, I decided to get another Acura TL. I love this car -- it's comfy and the technology is practical, and best of all I've figured out how to use it (after 4 years). One thing I learned -- www.edmunds.com was very helpful in my purchase and in the long run led me to options I may not have otherwise considered. In the end, I saved $113/month on my car payment and negotiated a bunch of freebies that I otherwise wouldn't have thought about (free oil changes, extra miles, free inspections, free wiper blade changes, etc). One dealer had a low price, another one had the freebies -- I got the dealer with the low price to throw in the freebies (in writing, of course)! I also ended up with a dealer I hadn't seriously considered in the past because I assumed they'd be more expensive because they're in a high-fallutin' area. That would've been a bad assumption -- their customer service and prices were unbeatable.

The moral of my car story is: it pays to do a little homework no matter how much you really hate it.

I'm hoping the new car will be delivered to mi casa today. Why am I not going to pick it up myself? Will report on that tomorrow.

Donate Shmonate

2008-07-11T07:15:00.003-04:00

I did get over my irritation the other day, but now find myself irritated again! AGAIN!

Actually, I'm excited to be headed to the shore in a few short hours for Girls' Weekend, but as I sit here drinking my coffee and watching the news, I find myself wanting to punch the TV.

Why this time? The news story goes something like this:

Barak is not only campaigning, but spending time on the trail encouraging people to "donate" money to pay off Hillary's campaign debt.

That is friggin ridiculous!!

The woman traveled all over the country for 2 months after everybody knew she had a flea's balls chance of winning. Now, she's "broke" and needs help paying for the bill she racked up. If I had 500 million gazillion dollars, I wouldn't give a penny. I'm sorry, but if you can't run a fiscally responsible campaign, how the hell would you have run the country?!?! And why is Barak wasting his breath trying to bail her out? Doesn't that detract from what he should be doing on the campaign trail??

I'm a huge proponent of giving to people and causes in need, but this ain't one of them.

And for the record, I NEVER check the box on my tax return that asks if I want to "donate" a dollar to the presidential campaign fund. We already get bombarded with commercials and signs ... I'm NOT paying for more.

Okay, my rant is over. Time to head to the beach!!

Irritation and Insomnia

2008-07-09T07:10:00.005-04:00

Last night I was in a bad mood. It was a frustrating day at the office, then I came home and found my fridge leaking inside. And mosquitos attacked me every time I stepped outside. And I had to go to Shop Rite, which always makes me want to ram somebody with my cart.

I finally decided to cut my losses, call it a night and go to bed on my freshly laundered sheets with the AC running. Sounds good, right?

Well .....

DD was so hot he nearly spontaneously combusted. He couldn't cool off. Just as I was almost asleep he decided to turn his body completely around and lay the opposite way in the bed so he could get more AC. This meant his feet were up near my head, his head near my feet, and the covers were all jacked up.

I had two options: go completely ballistic and start thrashing around or get up and move until he could settle down and fall asleep.

After a big "What the hell are you doing?", I decided to take the high road. He'd been more than patient with my ugly mood, so I decided to cut him a break and let him get some air and sleep. (Pretty damn nice of someone who felt like mowing people down with her shopping cart, eh?) I ended up on the couch all night with a bout of insomnia. Should make for a pleasant Barbra Peapod today.

Actually, despite my frustrating and sleepless evening, I feel surprisingly mellow this morning. Maybe I just wore myself out being irritated last night .... or my coffee hasn't kicked in yet. Either way, let's hope for a happier day today.

Vinyl

2008-07-08T07:23:00.004-04:00

In the wake of my TV induced stupor, I failed to mention something fun I did over the weekend. On Saturday, DD and I took a ride "downashore" to visit our friends Linda and Richie in the Villas.

They had a "Vinyl" theme party ... very creative, eh?

Now I know you're probably wondering what a vinyl party is -- no, we didn't wear vinyl tablecloths or shower curtains. Everyone had to bring an album ..... not a CD, not a tape, not an iPod, mp3, radio, or blueray .... but an old-fashioned album!! They broke out the record player and we listened to all kinds of records all afternoon and evening. What a great theme!!!

All of my albums are at my parents' house in Maryland (still .... sorry Mom and Dad!), so DD and I stopped at Goodwill to pick up our party contributions. Here's what we brought:

Grease
The Doobie Brothers
Foreigner
Xanadu
Air Supply

Here's a big shout out to Linda and Richie for hosting another great party! Thanks for inviting us .... it was a great time!!!!!

(And speaking of theme parties, anybody have any other creative theme party ideas? You know party planning is right up my alley, and there's a big one in the works for later this year ..... )

Sunday Television

2008-07-07T07:03:00.010-04:00

Whew, it was a nice long weekend ... capped off by a full day of couch-lounging and TV watching. This was me yesterday .....

NICE!!

I'm not sure how it happened, but I got sucked into watching bad sports -- not by DD, but all on my own. The sport du jour? Mennis.

Yes, that's Men's Tennis. For hours I sat watching the men's match at Wimbledon, even waiting out the rain delays. ?!?!?!?!! I never watch tennis -- it's boring and slow. But yesterday I was completely hooked on what commentator John MacEnroe called the greatest match he's ever seen. And it was exciting, I must admit. In the end, Roger Federer's 5-time Wimbledon winning streak came to an end and Spainard Rafael Nadal captured the cup. Here he is .... (it reminds me of Mike Tyson biting an ear ... but not)

Another boring sport I managed to get sucked into watching was the Phillies game. I don't how I can watch baseball, but sometimes I can. This just may be this year's MVP .....

So the afternoon became a 3-way channel flipping extravaganza between mennis, baseball, and "American Gladiators" on MTV. I don't know why, but I love this show. Some of the games look like fun. Example: I'd like to try the one where they shoot you out of a rocket up in the air and you have to try to dunk a ball in a basket while being chase by a superhuman-looking gladiator.

As if that wasn't enough sports for the day, I later tuned into the Olympic Trials for swimming and track n field. One of the big stories was Dara Torres, a 41-year old woman who just made the US Olympic team for the 5th time in swimming -- completely demolishing competition half her age!! Pretty amazing. This kind of story is precisely the reason I get hooked on watching sports --- it's the real-life Rocky ... the classic underdog triumph. What's not to love about that?

Next was the piece de resistance -- the kickoff of "I Love Money" on vH1. This show has a bunch of MTV and vH1 reality show losers pitted against each other to try to win $250,000. Contestants are the best of the worst from "I Love New York", "Flavor of Love", and "Rock of Love." A total train wreck, and I love it! Here's Mr. Boston .....

The evening was capped off with an episode of "Entourage" which is onDemand. Eight more episodes out there for my mind-numbing viewing pleasure.

So that's it folks ... sorry I don't have anything more exciting to report. Any other Sunday couch potatoes out there?

Random Wednesday

2008-07-02T07:00:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm pretty much fresh out of ideas. So what happens when I have nothing to write about? I go with the random.

Here goes:

I twisted my ankle last week and wiped out in front of a crowd of people. It was a horrific scene -- me, face down on the ground with my shirt all hiked up ... my backpack on my back but hiked up around my neck, and legs and arms everywhere. Tomorrow I'll be getting my thumb x-rayed .... I don't think it's broken, but I still can't move it very well and it's been over a week. Nice eh?

Starbucks is closing over 600 stores, 12,000 people nationwide losing their jobs. I can't say I'm surprised -- I mean did they really think people would continue paying $5 for a cup of coffee -- that's higher than a gallon of gas. And for the record, Wawa coffee is better anyway.

I have a crush on Sean Murphy the traffic guy on Channel 9's morning news. He's a funny, sarcastic, real-life kinda guy who doesn't act like the typical "carved out of cream cheese" tool on TV. Check him out sometime.

I have to give a shout out to thank my friends Pam and Larry for a great party this past weekend. They have a beautiful home in Delaware, with a kick ass pool. Lots of great people, music, food, drink, complete with a round of "Olympic Water Volleyball" in the pool at night. DD and I had a great time -- thanks for inviting us!!!

Am excited not to have any plans for this weekend, other than a BBQ Friday night. Am looking forward to just going wherever the wind blows me for a few days.

So what random stuff is going through your head today?

Sunday's Miracle Worker

2008-06-29T20:30:00.003-04:00

I took yesterday off to go to a pool party, but am back with yet another miracle worker. This time it's going to be a little strange -- I can't remember the person's name. How horrible, right? This person helped me to the point of changing my life, and I can't even remember his name.

Anyway ....

The person who I want to acknolwedge was my Speech Comm professor at Penn State. The only reason I took the class was because it was required, and I had put it off as long as humanly possible. I even took it over the summer so the class would hopefully be small (which it wasn't) -- I knew I was gonna have to stand up and talk in front of the class, which absolutely terrified me.

When I got to the class, I learned that not only would I have to stand up and talk to the class, but I'd have to do it every single class period. Each class alternated planned and impromptu speeches. ACK!!!!! Seriously, I wanted to drop out right then and there. But I didn't.

Now some of you who know me are probably surprised by this -- you know I'm not exactly shy. Or mousy. Or afraid to tell you my opinion. Or nervous about speaking up.

For the first 12 years of my education, I NEVER said one word in my classes. I always felt like the dumbest kid in the room, and was terrified of saying something stupid or giving a wrong answer. I have no idea why ... I was never publicly flogged for being an idiot or anything, but the idea of talking in class was incredibly intimidating to me. I never raised my hand, never volunteered to solve a problem on the board, never sat in the front half or back row of the room -- blending and becoming invisible were key.

But I could no longer hide once I got to Mr. ?'s Speech Comm class.

It may sound ridiculous, but I really do believe this teacher's course changed the course of my life. The turning point was during my "visual aids" speech about the Top 10 Kinds of Feet That Gross Me Out, where I had drawn pictures and did a Letterman-esque countdown. I had the class rolling with laughter. For me, it was cathartic. In fact, I don't think I've shut up since then!!

I'm convinced that if I hadn't taken that class ... if I hadn't given a funny speech about gross feet .... I could never have been so successful in my career. I went on to teach training classes in one of my first jobs -- a job standing up talking in front of a room of people!! I NEVER could have done that job without that class. I doubt I would have gone on to hold a leadership position in my company -- I talk in front of people all the time now and it doesn't even phase me.

Knowing how my first 17 years were, I think this teacher performed a miracle on me. Now I can't shut up, and you all have him to thank!!

I interrupt these miracles to bring you a public service message:

2008-06-27T08:55:00.003-04:00

Don't turn on channel 6 right now!!! Maroon 5 is on Good Morning America singing the same friggin whiny ass song they've been overplaying on the radio for the last year.

Can somebody please make them go away??? They suck.

Friday's Miracle Worker

2008-06-27T07:12:00.003-04:00

I debated who to write about next, but can't turn away from acknowledging someone who came into my life when I was only a few weeks old, then just as quickly disappeared. We've never had a conversation, but I think about this man from time to time and wonder what my life would be like if our paths had never crossed.

Now I kinda hate to recognize another doctor because I think many of them are already way too arrogant, but let's face it .... they DO save lives, and they do things the rest of us just can't do. I've had 3 doctors in my life that, without them, I just can't imagine what my life would be like. So without further adieu ......

Meet Dr. Hans Wilhelmsen

(Dr. Wilhelmsen is the 2nd from the left)

What you may not know about me is that I was born with a cleft lip. My parents were devastated that their first child ...... a little girl with a big curly head of black hair ... also had a birth defect. You've probably seen pictures of kids with cleft lips and palates -- it's grotesque to say the least. Well guess what -- that was me when I was born.

Luckily, my parents took me straight to a dental plastic surgeon at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore where a young Dr. Wilhelmsen was just in the midst of creating a program for treatment of pediatric cleft lips and palates. Dr. Wilhelmsen operated on me numerous times to fix my face and try to make me look decent enough not to have to wear a bag over my head for the rest of my life.

When I was in grade school, some kids use to call me "fat lip" and it absolutely tore me up every single time. I was so sensitive about my big secret. I don't know if it's just the passage of time or the miracles of lipstick and gloss, but when I look in the mirror I just don't notice the scar anymore. It's not huge and disfiguring, but it's there.

But I don't mind that scar. Without Dr. Wilhelmsen's gifted hands and the Cleft Lip Program he founded, I may not have a scar -- I may have a monster-face instead. I'm so thankful for him and what he did for me. I've researched him on Google and found out that he went on to win numerous awards from the Governor, Congress, and his peers for excellence in his field of medicine, and for his program that has made a difference in so many lives. He's now retired from private practice, but still teaches at Hopkins and the University of Maryland. He's also been recognized for charitable contributions to various organizations.

Even though he's probably long forgotten me, I'll never forget what Dr. Wilhelmsen did for me and how he changed my life. Not only did he get rid of the cleft lip, but he hand-made my lips (and made them nice and full!) In fact, I've gotten numerous compliments on my lips over the years, and every time it happens it catches me off guard because I know their history. When I get one of those compliments, my first thought is of the miracle that Dr. Wilhelmsen performed -- they're not compliments for me, but for him. So in my head, I "forward" those compliments along to him and say a silent "thank you" to Dr. Wilhelmsen. Nature gave me horrific lips, but he fixed them and made them beautiful.

Thursday's Miracle Worker

2008-06-26T06:45:00.004-04:00

It's not often that you'll hear me talking religion (and I'm not gonna start now, so don't worry). I don't care if other people do, but sharing my own beliefs is just uncomfortable territory for me. Seriously ... don't worry, I'm not gonna start preaching, but I am going to share another one of my miracle workers with you. Dr. Irgau and Lori made me look better on the outside, and this person has made me better on the inside. I would call her my spiritual miracle worker.

Meet Sister R .....

I work with Sister R, and have for about 13 years. A little bit about her ..... she has dedicated her life to teaching, helping people, advocating for peace and social justice in way that isn't about giving handouts or enabling people. She is a nun, she's got a great sense of humor, she's a Senior Vice President of a large company, a beautiful orator, a writer, and an inspiration for thousands of people.

Often times, she is asked to open a meeting, and always does so with a "reflection." Over the years, I've come to look forward to her relfections. They're not sermons, prayers, preachings, bible recitations. But she has an unbelievable gift of being able to deliver a message that can truly touch every person in the room in a very personal way. (No, people do not bust out in tears and fall on the floor!) Last year when my Mom got sick and so many people around me were dying, she made a point to come visit me, talk to me, offer encouraging words .... I really feel like she cared about me and wanted to make sure I was okay so I could be supportive to others. She was just what I needed.

Her words miraculously soothe, comfort, guide, inspire ..... she doesn't sugarcoat or paint rosy pictures when they aren't appropriate. She has a gentle way of keeping me (and others I'm sure) grounded and with a healthy perspective on life.

I'll admit, this all seemed a little too kumbaya-ish for me when I first started with my company. Mission? Values? A corporate nun? But over the years I've really come to know her and love her. She is a brilliant star in my life, and never fails to inspire me to try to be a good person and do the right thing.

Have you ever felt humbled by a person because they are soooooo "good?" That's how I feel around her ..... I'm truly humbled by her greatness.

Wednesday's Miracle Worker

2008-06-25T06:40:00.005-04:00

Time to share another miracle worker in my life (this is exciting). This time I'm talking about my friend and fabulous hairdresser, Ms. Lori Ann McCloskey. Here she is:

Linda & Lori

Lori is the daughter of my friends Linda and Richie, which is how I met her. I knew the minute I heard she was going to be cutting hair that I wanted to break up with my old hairdresser (sorry Henry!), and have her whip this lid into shape! Her own hair always looks stunning, and she makes Linda's hair look beautiful too. I knew this would be good ... and I was right!!

See my new do .... (and this is after I got rained on)

She's talented, creative, stylish, and best of all she's a very sweet person. She always makes me feel good about myself after a visit. I first went to see her after I had lost a bunch of hair due to a protein deficiency (which is over now, thank heavens!). I couldn't face Henry, and I really felt self-conscious about my thinning hair. I knew it was going to take more than just talent to make this mess look good -- I needed a bonafide miracle worker, and that's exactly what I found with Lori.

In fact I went to see her last week for the first time in her new salon, and I'm convinced when I left that EVERYBODY on the street was looking at me and my knockout hair!! I mean, crowds were forming and the paparazzi was taking pictures .... that's how gorgeous my hair looked.

So don't pass go, don't collect $200 ..... call immediately (215-925-2211) to make an appointment with Lori at Salon Vanity (1126 Walnut Street) in Philadelphia!! You too can add her to your own collection of miracle workers!!!

A Week of Miracle Workers

2008-06-24T06:39:00.004-04:00

This week, I have an anniversary which got me to thinking about people who have made a difference in my life. So this week, I'm going to write about my own personal "miracle workers" and share with the world what they've done for me.

Today, June 24 is the 3 year anniversary of me having a life-changing gastric bypass surgery. I mulled this decision over for years -- I mean, it's pretty drastic to get your stomach carved up and part of your intestine removed .... voluntarily. Irreversible. Forever. Mortality rate 1 in 800. Dozens of doctor appointments, psych evaluations (how the hell'd I pass that?). Blood work ... ugh!!!!

Anyway, I am still kicking myself for not doing it 10 years earlier. It's the best thing I ever did for myself. Now, 140 pounds lighter, I have this man to thank:

Meet, Dr. Isaias Irgau

He is my miracle worker, and I am so thankful for his skilled hands and for putting up with me when I went into a complete Defcon 5 meltdown in his office when he told me I'd have to give myself a needle at home every day for a month or I couldn't have the surgery. He is patient, smart, caring, and a God-send. (And my friend Kat gave me the needles ... oy! Codeine, xanax and percocets with a pillow over my head .... that's the only way I got through it. Everyday .. for a month!)

I'd be remiss not to mention the staff at St. Francis Hospital in Wilmington. It was a highly unlikely place for me to have the surgery considering I live in Philadelphia where there are numerous world-renowned hospitals. But ... I wanted Dr. Irgau to do the surgery and St. Francis guaranteed me a private room. They put me in ICU, and I was surprisingly shocked at how incredibly cared for I felt. These people were absolutely fabulous. I didn't worry for one minute about whether or not I'd be okay because I knew that I was in good hands.

Anyway, that's the story of how I went from looking like this:

To this:

What did I do this weekend?

2008-06-23T07:07:00.000-04:00

I'm just gonna let the pictures do the talking .....

THE GRADUATION PARTY (this was a party for Linda & Richie's youngest son, Sean)

Mary Jane & I

Maggie

Maize & Midget

Linda & Lori

Maggie, Eddie, Kate

And then, the luau on Saturday night. I think one picture will sum this up just fine .....

Davey Dogs ... he's all mine!

Hope you had a good weekend too!

Can you figure me out?

2008-06-22T07:59:00.006-04:00

After reading a recent post by The Baroness I was inspired to do the little activity she suggested. It takes few minutes, but what else do I have to do at 7 on a lazy Sunday morning? (Pack, clean, laundry .... but nahhhhh! This was more fun.)

Anyway, it's a mosaic of pictures. Take a look, then I'll tell ya how to do it.

Fun, huh?

Here’s how you do it .....

Answer each of the questions below.
Surf over to Flickr and type your answer (one at a time) into the search bar.
From the choice of pictures shown only on the front page, click on your favorite.
Once the page with your picture opens, copy the URL.
Surf over to the Mosaic Maker, set up your mosaic (2 x 6), and enter your URLs.
When you're done, click "Create!"

(A tip: I opened separate windows ... one with the Baroness' instructions, one for Flickr, and one for Mosaic Maker. It made it easier to go back and forth.)

Here are the questions:

What is your first name?
What is your favorite food?
What high school did you attend?
What is your favorite color?
Who is your celebrity crush?
What is your favorite drink?
Where would you go on your dream vacation?
What is your favorite dessert?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What do you love most in life?
Choose one word to describe you? (I always get stumped on stupid questions like this.)
Your Flickr name? (I have no idea what a Flickr name is so I just made something up)

(And here are the photo credits for my pictures ... the last thing I need is somebody gettin' their panties in a bunch because I posted their picture and didn't give them credit)

1. Mona Lisa, 2. the cheesemonger did not say cheese, 3. 20.06.08 - Gangsters, 4. Turquoise's" Mosaic - April 8th, 2006, 5. Matthew McConaughey, 6. Rhubarb "Tea", 7. Boracay, Philippines, 8. Key lime pie, 9. Nicole..., 10. duck to duck to duck..., 11. jumping all night long...day 26 / year 2, 12. Happy Birthday Barbra! (Alternate Title: "What?! Gotta Problem With Me Flipping Through a 1964 issue of Life Magazine While I'm at the Office!? Didn't Think So!")

The Blueberry

2008-06-19T07:31:00.003-04:00

One thing I don't get about my neighborhood -- there are people who just hang out on the streets during the day. Not hookers, not drug dealers, not criminals .... just people chatting and soaking up the day. What are these people doing?

Without going into a huge rant about the fact that my tax dollar supports many of them, let me just share one little story that gave me a giggle ......... (I omost said "chuckle", but I hate that word. Chuckle sounds like up-chuck). Anyway ........

So there's one guy ... let me call him "The Blueberry" because he always wears blue and frankly, has a bluish tint to his skin. The Blueberry can always be found sitting on a step somewhere. He walks 20 feet, then sits. There are spots where you know there's a good chance of finding him -- certain steps, certain corners, but never outside of a 2 block radius. Nice enough guy, but not exactly the picture of health and prosperity.

I commented to DD the other day that it looks like The Blueberry has lost a lot of weight .... maybe from 500 pounds to 300 pounds .... seriously. The Blueberry has told me before (when he sits on my next door neighbor's step) that he use to have big muscles (as he flexes) and be a football player who got lots of girls. Uh, ok.

So DD and I were in the car riding through the hood, and he points out a house under construction and tells me The Blueberry has been hanging out those steps lately, and the construction guys have put him to work. I'm baffled!! First of all, the place is about 6 blocks away!!! AND they are paying him to do work. WORK??? THE BLUEBERRY IS WORKING????

I ask: "What kind of job is he doing?"

"He squirts the pavement with a hose to keep the dust from blowing around."

huh???? Rewind.

The Blueberry has a job squirting the sidewalk with a hose.

It gets better. He has been doing this one week and had to take a day "off" yesterday because he's "sore" from working.

I guess work is better than no work, and venturing "out" is a big "step" -- no pun intended. I am just amazed. How do people end up like this?

A Little Self-Conscious

2008-06-18T06:37:00.003-04:00

I'm starting to get a complex. Everyday for the last few weeks, there are dozens ... no hundreds ... of emails in my spam filter at work that say:

"You look really stupid BabsPeapod."

or another popular one ....

"What a stupid face you have here Babs Peapod."

I wonder if they got ahold of this picture from years and years ago? (like back when the Fuzz and Bwandon lived in the city .. it's their house in the background)

That would explain the other one:

"Barbra Peapod, lose the bloat!"

Busted

2008-06-17T06:57:00.004-04:00

I was working at home yesterday, and as usual I spent most of the day on the phone. Not too bad -- it gives me a chance to multi-task. Important things like: making breakfast, clipping and filing coupons, laundry, getting caught up on mail, etc.

So I was on a conference call yesterday, and as I was multi-tasking someone said "Peapod? Peapod? Are you there?"

Me: "Yeah yeah, I'm here."

Them: "What's all that background noise? Construction?"

Me: "No, there's no construction." I giggled.

Them: "Well, what ARE YOU DOING?"

Me: "I can't tell you."

There was silence.

Me: "OK, I'll tell you. I was multi-tasking. I was 'Ped Egging' my foot."

There was an outburst of laughter on the other end. (By the way, it was all women, otherwise I would've gone with the construction theory.)

I just got the "Ped Egg", an "As Seen on TV" contraption that is designed for home pedicuring. It's like a little cheese grater, but for your foot. I thought it would be good for "upkeep" between bi-weekly visits to the salon. I used it on a very dry foot and it worked pretty well. I'm gonna try again after my foot has been soaking, and see what happens.

Overall, I'm giving a thumbs up to the Ped Egg. It's better than the foot paddle file that I normally use, but I'm not so sure it can compare to the outlawed razors they use to use in the salon.

Welcome to the Jungle

2008-06-12T07:00:00.007-04:00

Last night DD and I went on an excursion to Lowe's looking for a tomato plant. Not just any ole tomato plant, but one of those hydroponic contraptions that grows the tomatoes upside down in water -- sans dirt. They've been out a few years, so I figured Lowe's would be a pretty safe bet to find it. Welp, no go. The guy told me "We don't have that new fandangled technology."

Hmm. Fandangled tomato technology? Ok.

So I came home without a tomato plant, and guess I'll probably have to order my hi tech tomato plant through a catalog.

Why is it soooo important that I have this kind of tomato plant and not the regular dirt tomato? Waylllllllll ..... my backyard is a bit of an anomoly when it comes to urban gardens.

Aside from the squirrel population, I've had a cat problem. Alley cats, not your average Garfield house cat. These things are bold and love to use my garden as a litter box. Now over the last 2 years, I've waged war against these monsters, and have lined the top of my yard with hard, plastic spiked mats which have done a good job keeping them out. But they're not weather resistant, and I'm afraid the cats are slowly trying to reclaim their squatters (literally) space in my garden. Next step: nails on planks.

I'm not eating anything that a cat has been peeing on -- hence, the hydroponic tomato plant.

Here's my garden the first year in my house:

Nice. Simple.

Then all hell broke loose.

After the first year, I decided to really try my hand at gardening. Vegetables, flowers ... the sky's the limit. Here's what ensued:

Year 2: I planted 3 pepper plants - red, yellow and purple. The purple must have been on fertility drugs -- it took over the entire garden. It multiplied, several times, and I ended up with about 30 purple pepper plants and about 500+ purple peppers.

Year 3: My neighbor gave me 2 sunflower plants that she dug out of her garden. I planted them, and oh. my. Gawdddd. They grew 30+ feet high -- over top of the electric wires in the back of the house. There were probably about 150 blooms that drew every yellow bee in the tri-state area to my backyard. I couldn't even go into my yard for all the bees. It took my drunk friend Jay climbing on the neighbor's roof with a saw to unravel these from the wires, and finally dismember them for removal. Buh-bye sunflowers! (and thanks, Dooblevey!)

Year 4: I decided some perennials would be good so I wouldn't have to keep buying new plants every year. I ended up with a garden kit from White Flower Farm. It's easy -- know the dimensions of your garden, how much sun you get, pick a garden plan. They send you the starter plants and a little map that tells you where to plant them. The company does all the planning so the short plants are in front, tall in the back, colors organized -- nice! The only problem was, my fertile soil could've used about 1/10 the plants. These plants TOOK OFF!!! They were busting out of my garden so bad they were cracking the concrete. I had to pull up several of the plants to thin it out. The only remains are 1 "little" lavender plant that is actually a huge bush. It smells wonderful and looks beautiful.

Year 5: I gave it a rest.

That brings me to this year. For the first time, my garden looks beautiful. Everything has bloomed and it looks really pretty. Lilacs, hydrangeas, roses, lavender, peonies, rhododendrums, clamatis (that sounds like chlamydia, which isn't growing anywhere around here), and a new crop of lilies that just started blooming this week. (I was gonna post a pic but am having technical diffuculties.)

I don't know what kind of mess I'll have by mid-summer, but for now all is well.

I'm Ms. Heat Miser

2008-06-11T07:07:00.006-04:00

Thank goodness it's cooling off today! The heat is making me crabby, and last night I was within a hair's breath of stomping the crap out of anything I could find .... just because. My sunglasses almost bought it, and I'm glad I didn't go all Heat Miser on them because I really like them ... alot.

My house has no air conditioning, except a window unit on the 3rd floor where the bedroom is. I have fans in the important spots, so it's not completely horrible -- but it's not great either. Davey Dogs can't take it at all, and is equally as miserable.

I had a relaxing, committment-free evening in sights -- then got called to attend a last minute meeting from 4:30 - 7:00 in the city. Who plans a meeting at this time? Anyway, I felt the need to be responsible, so I went. Boy was that a mistake!! Being responsible can be highly overrated. The room was hot and stuffy, and it went over by 35 minutes. I'm not very patient when it comes to meetings anyway, and running overtime with no apparent conscience of what time it is completely pisses me off. Rude rude rude.

Then I got home and had to make dinner .... which also means cleaning up. DD had made a salad, but I saw the steaks and potatoes sitting on the counter and knew what he wanted me to do. It was a 20-minute meal, but ugh -- I just didn't feel like it. Alas, I fired up the grill, and my backyard quickly went from 100 to 150 degrees. As I took the steaks off the grill, the heat melted my mascara into one big eyelash. I guess I should just be happy they didn't get singed right off my body.

Luckily I'm pretty fast with cooking and cleaning up the kitchen, so it wasn't long before I was ready to relax in front of the tube. I plopped down, but DD kept twitching ... trying to get comfy in front of the fan. His legs were bothering him, so he put his feet up on the coffee table. No big deal, except he put his feet right on top of all my mail and junk. I admit it was a big pile of clutter -- and it was driving me nuts -- but he didn't move it out of his way and it irritated the shit out of me that everything was sliding all over the place into a big stew of paper and crap. He was completely oblivious to the pile, but I sat there ... watching and stewing and seething as everything slipped .... little by little, getting worse and worse ..and closer to falling over the place. I felt my internal temperature rising as I envisioned throwing the pile through the front window ..... setting it on fire .... throwing my head back and screaming. After about 10 seconds Mt. St. Disco Bubbles blew and I "took care of" the pile.

Do you ever get steaming mad about nothing at all? A series of "nothing" events that accumulate into an outburst? That's how I was last night. I just wanted to punch something -- and for no good reason at all. I don't lose my temper often, but when I do it's usually because I'm worn out, hot, and something totally inconsequential is the last straw. Then I explode for 2 minutes and I'm done.

Is that an anger management issue? I don't know ... maybe.

Oh well, I'm just glad it's cooler today and the Heat Miser is back in hibernation.

When I was a kid ......

2008-06-09T19:46:00.004-04:00

...there were things I wanted.

Like a different name. And of course I pondered my dream job. Hmmm ... what woud I do ... and what would I change my name to? I wonder why it never occurred to me to dream of not working? I don't know ... damn puritan work ethic, I guess.

Anyhow, at one point I made a list of jobs and names that I wanted, then gave it to my parents. Here's what I remember from my list:

Names

Barbara (yep, believe it or not I knew at an early age that I wanted to be a Babs)
Linda
Joanna (not sure what I was thinking there ... sorry anybody named Joanna. I like the name, but it's not one of childhood dreams)
Christine
Nicole

Job List

Gas station worker (They always pulled out a big wad of cash, so I was convinced this would be a good move.)
Nurse (um, what was I thinking? Can you picture me giving a needle? HELL NO!!!)
Wild World of Sports (Yep, this appeared on my list ... just like this. I'm not sure what I thought my job would be, but I was gonna be the "Wild World of Sports." I'm the most un-athletic person ever, so this makes no sense.)
Singer (this is still on my list)
Actress (so is this)

What did you want to be named? And what jobs did you want to do?

Over a Barrel

2008-06-06T07:29:00.004-04:00

Rising prices are no fun, but I can't say I'm really surprised -- I mean, have prices ever gone down? Not really. Let's face it, 20 years from now we'll all be saying "remember when we only paid $5 for a gallon of milk? Ahh, those were the days" .... as we shell out $8 for the same gallon of milk.

Anyway, last night I went to the grocery store to buy a few essentials, and my jaw hit the ground when I got mugged in the express lane. No ... not really mugged, but I seriously felt like I had been robbed when I left with a measly 2 items for $20. What de falk!?!?!?!?! I shop all the time so I'm well aware of what prices are, but for some reason I was really struck by atrocity:

A 20-pack of toilet paper - $17!!!!!!
Loaf of bread - $3

These people know I have to wipe my ass, and they're holding it against me. Personally, I think $1 a roll is ridiculous, but what are you going to do? Pull a Sheryl Crow? I think not!!

Why does it not bother me to spend $10 on a block of cheese, but paying $17 to make sure I have a clean hiney for a month bugs me? Maybe because cheese is delicious, and toilet paper ...... isn't?

Ethiopian Cuisine

2008-06-05T07:23:00.004-04:00

Last night I went to an Ethiopian restaurant. It was my first time for trying Ethopian cuisine, and since I'm a lover of (almost) all foods, I was very open to the idea.

The verdict?

Never again.

It didn't bother me that you had to eat with your hands. Or that the restaurant had no air-conditioning (and it was hotter than ... well, Ethiopia). Or that everything was on one big shared plate.

All of our dishes were in a big tray, on top of some kind of special "bread." But the bread wasn't like pita ... or naan .. or a pizza crust. It was more like a wet sponge. ackkkk!!! Soggy bread is not a friend of mine!!!! Not only does the food sit on top of the soggy sponge, but each person gets their own soggy sponge bread to tear into pieces and use to pick up your food. I'll eat lots and lots of things, but a piece of wet soggy sponge is not one of them.

If I'd had a fork -- and none were to be had -- I would have happily eaten the stuff on top of the soggy mat. It wasn't great, but it was edible.

In all likelihood, I'd be among the starving if I lived in Ethiopia.